To expect 4 year to go toilet alone

[Yumchips]

Just wondering if it's developmentally still normal for 4 year to refuse to go toilet alone at home? 4 year old is fully potty trained, never had poo anxiety etc no accidents since 2.5 years old. Just wondered if I'm expecting too much of her. She expects me to drop everything when she needs the loo and feels like a waste of time when I'm busy making dinner etc. I know probably seems to trivial but grates on me as 8 months pregnant atm and a bit grumpy with her constant demands over various stuff. She will refuse to go if I don't accompany her and proceed to cry/tantrum.

One of mine wanted company right up til 6 and my other was due to go alone as soon as he potty trained at 3

I’m feeling really miserable now. My ds is 6 and will not go to the toilet unless I accompany him. He wet himself three times the other day because he demanded to go when I was feeding the baby. I also have to wipe him and he won’t sit on the toilet for a poo. He stands on it and squats over it like a frog. He also fully strips to go to the toilet, all windows must be shut and the toilet needs to be flushed before he goes and after. But I have to be the one to flush it. It’s hard work.

Sorry, I needed to vent. It’s really getting me down at the moment. I’m fed up of being made to go through this palaver several times a day. And it’s always when I’ve just managed to have a sit down after hours of cleaning/laundry etc.

Is there anything about your toilet that an imaginative child might find a bit creepy? Or is it quite far away from you in the house?

Just asking because I remember being little and perfectly capable of using the toilet alone, but I hated using our downstairs toilet alone. I don’t remember what it was, but there was something creepy about it in my 4 year old head!

My daughter’s 4 years and 9 months and it’s just in the last month or so she’s started being happy to take herself to the toilet. I think what did it for her was her best friend, who visits often, goes alone and also she went to the birthday party of a child turning 3 and that child went to the toilet alone. So I think she realised that actually she could do it too. She does still call me to wipe her if she’s had a poo and she still likes to be fully dressed by me. I’ve told her she’s got til she’s 5 and then she’s putting her own clothes on every day!

My 5 year old still wants me to come. We've managed to compromise now by me being able to stand at the bottom of the stairs (I don't know why that helps, but he seems more comfortable do I'll go with it!).

My 7 year old still likes company. She does her own wiping etc so im just needed to chatter to . I think its my magnetic personality Plus we dont have a downstairs loo.

My 6 yo went through a phase for about 3 months of wanting company or at Keats so when to stand outside the door. He got a fright at some point and frankly it was easier to be low key about it and say yes than fight it. It was mostly at home - school was fine - and he’d ask a sibling if we weren’t around. He’s grown out of it now. The less you comment the sooner it will pass. I found being quite boring while accompanying helped so he didn’t get used to an ‘active’ companion!

My 6 year old often wants me to accompany him to the loo because he’s scared of spiders, monsters etc. We usually compromise by me checking the loo is ‘safe’ (no spider in sink etc). If I’m busy I put light on, quick check and reassure him I’m nearby.

I’ve noticed it happens more when he’s over tired, unwell, just woken up or is worried about something. Sometimes he’ll insist I come in with him then share his worries so maybe your daughter sees it as a safe space for 1:1 time?

Could you give her something to do while she's on the loo so she doesn't get bored/lonely. Like listening to the radio or reading a book?

Oof @NameChanged15729 that's REALLY tough, you have my sympathy. No advice, (sorry) but I can't imagine he'll be doing it when he's 18 though, so if it's any comfort at all I guess it'll pass....

Mine says "I don't want you to come when I need a poo, but I do want you to come when I need a wee" Yeah, great. He doesn't need my assistance at all, just wants me there. I do usually get a post-wee cuddle though so that's something.

Mine does this too, I don't think it's fear of something in the bathroom, because once he's on the loo he wants me to leave and give him privacy! I think he just finds it hard pulling his own trousers down, especially because he will only go to the loo if he has them completely off and not just pulled down, and he has this psychological block against doing it alone, he seems to genuinely think he needs my help.

TBH I am of the 'pick your battles' mentality and I don't think it's worth having a big battle with them over this. It's easier to just go along with it, they grow out of it sooner or later. I save the battles for more serious things like bad behaviour.

Can you take her and wander off? Like oh I just need to get more loo roll...oh dear mummy needs to pop out to turn the oven on....just see how she reacts and increase the time.

Or ask her to come with you everytime you need to go