To be annoyed with ExDh for not telling me

[LittleMissPeggySue]

That DS had nits?

ExDH have been apart for over 5 years and have a 50/50 arrangement in terms of custody of DS which works pretty well. I long ago accepted that the house rules at dads are far more relaxed than at mums (no nagging to have a shower, freely sitting around in pjs all day if it's not a school day etc). It annoys me but we have a good relationship other than that and I just accept that there are some battles not worth fighting. He brought teenage DS home yesterday and a few hours later, DS said that he thought he might have nits. He's only ever had them once before, when he was 5. I checked his hair and bingo, he was riddled with the disgusting little fuckers. It was after the shops had shut and I had no supplies or even a nit comb anymore.

DS then told me that he'd told his dad the day before that he thought he had them and had begged him not to tell me because he thought I'd make him get his hair cut. DS has lovely thick, long hair and it's his pride and joy, fwiw I haven't made him get it cut. Rather than be the grown up adult he is and tell him that he couldn't keep it a secret, he told him to shampoo it and kept quiet. As a result, I had to drive halfway around the local area last night looking for somewhere open on a Sunday night that stocked the nit killing shampoo and a comb. Had ExDH or even DS told me earlier, I could've got some in the supermarket yesterday morning and it probably would've cost a lot less. So, AIBU for thinking my ExDH is an idiot? BTW he has form for things like this lol, that's why he's my ex!

Your Ex is an idiot. You're right. Did he think they'd just disappear when he got to your house?

YANBU incredibly annoying.

Your ex is an idiot for sure, he should have bought himself the product and treat your son when your son told him he had nits but I am guessing it is too much bother for him to do so. My ex is the same, won't go to the shop to buy a product but at least he will tell me when he dropped kids the following day.

My ex once did this
The kids had gone to go stay with him and they said they felt a bit itchy but he didn’t even bother to check (I’d given him a nit comb for ‘just in case’)
Just said something about ‘get mum to check when you get home’
Sent them back and they where all infested-cue,me having to scrape hundreds of them out of their hair
Ok,it’s grim but you have to do it-only he managed to catch them from one of them,shot straight to the barbers for a hair cut with clippers and then tried to bill me for his unnecessary haircut!
A bottle of lotion and a nit comb would have been enough-his hair was barely half an inch long
He threatened court and everything!even got his mum to phone me to have a go at me for ‘allowing’ the kids to have nits and they passed them on’

I’m still laughing about it years later…

Hoping he gave his dad a nice hug and some nits as he left 🤪

FFS he should have helped your son treat them. Fingers crossed he passed them onto his Dad.

Idiot doesn't even cover it, what was he thinking?!! They should have been treated at ur ex's house as soon as he knew about them, it's not like they'll go away on their own. I would be livid! The fact he condoned/encouraged your ds to keep it from you and being dishonest is disgusting, teaching him totally the wrong way how to handle problems in life.

@Bluelillies
Wow what a CF blaming you, and his Mum too!
You're well rid of that family.

I think he should have treated them at his house. But you say your son is a teenager so he can tell you himself surely?
Also if you he is riddled, he’s had them a while!

My son caught Shingles while staying at his father's house. My ex told him it was a fungal rash and sent him to school. He was 5 days late at getting antivirals and very unwell

Thanks everyone, some of your comments gave me a little giggle!

@Bluelillies I can't believe the nerve of your ex! At least I know mine wouldn't do that, although he did mention going out and getting some shampoo for himself.

Oh yeah and he stood and WATCHED DS give me a hug yesterday without saying a word! It's not malicious, he literally just doesn't think sometimes. I spent ages combing the little fuckers out of DS hair last night, then had to condition mine and comb through a well. I think I've escaped them but ick. I'm not even annoyed that he didn't buy the shampoo himself but that he didn't tell me at 3 when it wouldn't have been too late to go to sainsburys.

Didn’t you know, ignoring nits is a well known successful treatment. Idiot.

I hope your DS appreciates the effort you have gone to

He sounds like a lazy father who can't bothered to parent his kids properly and leaves it all up to you.

In fairness I have told him he's an idiot.

But your son is a teen. Surely it's his responsibility to tell you?

Surely at 15 he could have told you himself?? But yeah, ex is an idiot for not buying necessary supplies, helping to treat if needs be, and for not telling you.

My sils ex locked his dds in their room over the weekend after one of them was clearly very unwell. The non ill one has ASD and was absolutely distraught at being locked up and ignored. The ill one, as was found out within two seconds of being at sils home has covid. She has cystic fibrosis and her twat of a dad thought it was cool to just lock her in a room and ignore her.

Will he wash the bedding properly or is your son likely to get them again when ge goes back?

@LesLavandes

My son caught Shingles while staying at his father's house. My ex told him it was a fungal rash and sent him to school. He was 5 days late at getting antivirals and very unwell

You don't catch shingles. They are the reactivation of the Chicken pox virus that has lain dormant

@CheshireCats yeah, I did tell DS I was cross with him as well because he could've told me earlier, but he had the irrational fear that I'd make him get his hair cut. On the positive side, his hair has a least had a really, really good comb through, which is definitely a lot more thorough than he normally gives it!

If teenage DS begged him not to tell you then I get why he wouldn’t have told you himself.
However at the very least he should have brought nit stuff and either told him to tell you or at least told him to use the nit shampoo and comb every day.

Teens don’t get nits very often.
Does exDH have younger kids live with him?

Irun - ooh you are clever. So bloody unnecessary

mine did this when he had had them for a week. I met him on route to taking them on holiday with two other families and he told me at the handover they had them. We were on trains going into Europe. I had to get some lotion when we arrived and apologised profusely to the other two families. Twat. He has done similar recently, handing over DS with a broken bone ready for a 3 hour journey home but hadn't bothered to give him any calpol so I had to chase around an unfamiliar town looking for somewhere. Again..Twat.