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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Children making fun of son’s chicken pox scabs

22 replies

Crabby12345 · 14/03/2022 16:54

Just after a bit of advice. My 5 year old has had a very nasty bout of chicken pox last week. He was absolutely covered in spots and still has a lot of scabbed over spots all over his face.

He’s 11 days post infection and so was back at school today for the first day and has mentioned that some of the boys called his face horrible and ugly and refused to go near him running away in case ‘he infected everyone’.
He’s a sensitive lad and came home very upset by this. There’s been some mild teasing in the past that I have spoken with his teacher about and it’s mostly resolved. Should I be telling him to stand up for himself more or should I speak to the school about this. I mentioned to my partner about putting a message on the class WhatsApp page asking parents to make their children aware that even though he does still have the scabs he is not infectious and is very sensitive about the spots atm, but he said this was a terrible idea. Just want some other mums opinions?

OP posts:

DoNotGetADog · 14/03/2022 16:57

I think you just need to get over it, really. It’s temporary so not something he has to live with forever. Make sure you encourage him not to pick the scabs off, so he’s less likely to scar.

This sort of thing is just what children do.

Original poster

Crabby12345 · 14/03/2022 17:08

Thank you, I was picked on when I was little so I feel like it’s made me more sensitive to normal children's teasing.

OP posts:

FairyCakeWings · 14/03/2022 17:18

I don’t think you can expect a class full of 5 year olds not to say anything when they see one of their classmates covered in spots. It would be unusual if they didn’t comment tbh! The teacher should be pulling them up on it though and they should have been spoken to about being kind.

I think I’d get the teacher to deal with it rather than say anything on WhatsApp.

Make sure your ds knows what to do and say when people are upsetting him. Get him to practice saying loud responses to the things that are said to him, and remind him to always tell a grown up if someone is unkind at school.

mumof2exhausted · 14/03/2022 17:25

@DoNotGetADog

I think you just need to get over it, really. It’s temporary so not something he has to live with forever. Make sure you encourage him not to pick the scabs off, so he’s less likely to scar.

This sort of thing is just what children do.

Totally disagree this isn’t what the children at our school do. My children know they never make comments on people’s appearance. And if this happened at our school would quickly nip it in the bud. A child called another child fat (in a mean way) and my son was so shocked when he told me. The child got into trouble and his parents were informed.

BlanketsBanned · 14/03/2022 17:29

This is what some kids do and they wont find it so funny if they also get it, I think the teacher needs to addess it at the time.

Auntieobem · 14/03/2022 17:35

I'd speak to the teacher, this would not have been acceptable in my dds' primary schools.

Duracellbunnywannabe · 14/03/2022 17:44

Always speak to the teacher not other parents.

Hellocatshome · 14/03/2022 17:48

Speak to the teacher, the teacher should be talking to the class as a whole about things like this. Its hardly surprising that kids that have had nearly half their lives affected by Covid would react like this (although we used to run away from people with "the lurgy" in the 80s)

incognitoforthisone · 14/03/2022 17:57

Although it's rotten for your DS, I think this sounds like fairly normal playground teasing from some of the nastier kids, and I suspect they will have moved on from it tomorrow.

I understand why he's upset and you're worried, though - he's only five, and it's hard enough already going back to school after a longish absence, without getting picked on. You say 'some of the boys' - hopefully it is only some of them, and he's still got friends to play with?

I think I'd see how things are tomorrow and then if it's still happening, have a word with the school.

Meandthesky · 14/03/2022 17:59

I always think if you put it on a group WhatsApp everyone will think their little darling couldn’t possibly be the one doing it so they ignore it

If it’s upsetting him, mention it to the teacher and tell him to report it to the teacher at the time so they can intervene

Original poster

Crabby12345 · 14/03/2022 18:05

This was the separate issue of being picked on. He’s in a group of friends with two other boys. The other boys tend to go off together and can be offish with him. I last spoke to the teacher a few weeks ago as they were excluding him from the group and telling him they had a secret but that they weren’t going to tell him.
I understand she spoke to them about kindness so I don’t think they were joining in with the picking on him about his face but he told me he feels like he has no friends.

OP posts:

flibbertyjibbet44 · 14/03/2022 18:10

@DoNotGetADog

I think you just need to get over it, really. It’s temporary so not something he has to live with forever. Make sure you encourage him not to pick the scabs off, so he’s less likely to scar.

This sort of thing is just what children do.

Completely disagree. Kids should be taught not to mock each other's appearance. It can be really upsetting for the child being picked on and not something they can always just 'get over.'

Definitely speak to the teacher and make them aware of what's happened and how your son felt so they can at least keep an eye on the situation and nip it in the bud if it happens again.

Your ds is 5, it's your job to advocate for him in situations like this.

Theyellowflamingo · 14/03/2022 18:13

I think you should speak to the teacher - when my daughter went back with a lot of scabs, the class had been told at registration while she went to do a “special job” with the TA “yes, X has a lot of spots still. You can’t catch anything from her and it’s not acceptable to comment or make fun of her about it.” No one said a word to her. Yes, it’s fairly typical low level teasing, but the way five year olds learn it’s unacceptable is by being told. It’s also very possible they genuinely think they might catch something from your son. You don’t just leave a sensitive five year old to deal with it himself.

Emotive/accusatory messages on class WhatsApp groups never go well in my experience, I think it’s always best those groups stick to “has anyone seen Fred’s jumper” and “what day is sports day?”.

Chely · 14/03/2022 18:16

Speak to teachers and encourage him to do that himself when at school.

Petsop · 14/03/2022 18:31

Wow some of you have pretty low standards. This would be totally unacceptable in our school.

GabriellaMontez · 14/03/2022 18:39

@DoNotGetADog

I think you just need to get over it, really. It’s temporary so not something he has to live with forever. Make sure you encourage him not to pick the scabs off, so he’s less likely to scar.

This sort of thing is just what children do.

It is what children do. Totally normal.

Then their teachers and parents explain its unpleasant to comment and laugh at others appearance and make it very clear it must stop.

Address it with the teacher. Not the group.

winterchills · 14/03/2022 18:43

I had something similar with my son. Kids can be so mean 😢

TheOriginalEmu · 14/03/2022 18:46

@DoNotGetADog

I think you just need to get over it, really. It’s temporary so not something he has to live with forever. Make sure you encourage him not to pick the scabs off, so he’s less likely to scar.

This sort of thing is just what children do.

What if he was burned and his scars WERE permanent. Is that not ok then? And at 5 they are to know when it’s ok to poke fun and when not? Or. Should we are a blanket rule teach kids that making mean comments about someone’s appearance is never ever ok?!?

Clarabe1 · 14/03/2022 18:49

I wouldn’t worry- the other kids will get it soon enough. At 5 years old are kids really being vindictive? I don’t think so. At that age they just say what they see. Ask old people how brutal Kids are about their wrinkles etc!

Original poster

Crabby12345 · 14/03/2022 18:53

I do think the teacher should have put something in place for his return to reassure the other children that they can’t catch anything from him and that he would still have some spots. She was off today and another teacher covered and so maybe it slipped through the net.
I just feel awful as my son asked me not to send him in today as he was embarrassed about his face and I wish I hadn’t after the day he had.

OP posts:

Clymene · 14/03/2022 18:55

Definitely speak to the teacher and get it nipped in the bud. Don't get involved in telling other parents' kids off over WhatsApp - never a good idea. This happened in school, school needs to sort it.

EKGEMS · 14/03/2022 19:13

I was teased like this as well way back 35+ years ago and though my sibling would defend me and I did as well it was just shit. Eventually scars faded and I stopped caring about the bullying assholes emotionally but it took time and maturity. I said something to DH recently and he said 'I have scars TOO' but not exactly the same as he wasn't bullied for them-the song Roxanne by the Police was popular and was sang to me as Poxanne. Not the end of the world but when you're young it feels like it. Sorry your son is experiencing the same shit

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