Should I stay living at my parents?

[Nothankyouv]

My baby’s Dad is quite a jealous and controlling man, he was very unkind to me when I was pregnant and we ended up splitting up and I moved back in with my parents four hours away from him.

I started renting a flat round the corner from them.

When my baby was born, I came back to the flat with my ex partner there helping me. I was extremely overwhelmed and didn’t know how to look after my baby so I moved in with my parents so they would help me.

I’ve now found my feet with looking after my lovely baby and he is a happy, bubbly four month old. He definitely prefers my Mum to me as she is the only one who can cuddle him to sleep and the only one who can make him laugh.

Part of me wants to move out as I’m scared that he won’t ever need or love me in the same way as he does his Nan. But is this selfish?

My parents LOVE having me and baby at theirs, and having help in the house gives me time to do a lot for myself like exercise or have a nice long bath or make myself a proper breakfast, plus I think my baby is happier having a larger network of people to cuddle him and hold him. I am also afraid of long, lonely evenings without anyone to talk to.

Should I stay and risk my child not having a proper bond with his Mum (me?) or should I go and risk becoming a tired, stressed out Mum?

He will have that bond with you - they're quite capable of bonding with more than one adult. If you''re happy and your parents are happy, don't feel you have to move out, particularly at the hard-work stage of a small baby.

If the only reason for leaving is the fear your baby prefers your Mum to you then don’t.
You are lucky to have that level of help and support and unless there are other reasons why you want to give that up then you would be silly to IMO

Life as a single parent living completely on your own will be very hard and lonely. I wouldn't do it if I had an option not to.
If you are worried about the baby preferring your Mum, just take a few steps so that you do the major part of the caring, soothing, bedtime routines etc- it sounds as if your Mum has just stepped in (maybe because she is more experienced with babies) and you have stood back. You can take positive steps, so that it is you who is initiating more of the baby care.

Don't worry about the bond with your mum, multi generational housing is very normal and could give your DS a better start in life. The worst thing for a bond between mother and child is a stressed or depressed parent so it sounds like your parents' support is reducing your potential stress levels which is good for both you and your son.

Stay at your parents. Your baby is happy and you have all the support. He will love you no matter what.