When I was 19 (12 years ago) I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years as I felt that it had run its course, he was devastated. A couple of days later I slept with someone else, it was a complete rebound thing but I ended up dating the guy a couple of months later.
The relationship was over and yes I was 'free', but I felt it was still awful to do that. I ended up confessing to people and my friends judged me for it and I was called a slag. I apologized to my ex and luckily he met someone better for him a few months later. I remember feeling suicidal over it and thinking I'd have to move to another place where nobody knew me. I know it's dramatic looking back and I was 19 but it still makes me feel like a bad person.
I had a friend around 4 years ago who was incredibly flaky, not just with me but with work and such. She would constantly cancel last minute, she'd also at some points become very cold and off with you for no apparent reason, blank you for a few weeks then be fine 2 weeks later.
We'd had a bit of a disagreement over something and I remember her being a bit frustrated that I was always skint. One point I remember her telling me she was too busy to meet, giving short replies etc. Yet posting photos on social media with another friend.
I ended up blocking her number and moving on. Then apologized to her around a year later but she clearly wasn't interested by then.
I shouldn't have ever blocked her, I just got sick of the mixed messages from her and truly felt at that point she was no longer interested in our friendship. I took it personally at the time but looking back maybe it wasn't, I don't know. Anyway this sort of thing has happened since but I don't block people now over it.
My current partner is an acquaintance's ex. They broke up around 4 years before we got together. She wasn't a close friend, I hadn't seen her for years and we stayed in touch sometimes but it was mainly me sending messages which she'd occasionally reply to. She had broken up with him and met her current partner a year later.
Anyway she found out we were in touch (not together at this point) and she was really upset. I told her that I liked him and that we had been talking, she was really angry and said out of all the guys I could have met why her ex, how she'd 'never do that'.
I apologized to her as much as I could, she blocked me a few weeks later and this was a couple of years ago now. She was close friends with a mutual friend of ours who she apparently spoke to daily but as I say I barely heard from her and hadn't seen her in years, yet I felt that I was now her 'friend' when it suited her.
Anyway it still makes me feel like I'm a bad person.
Just this sort of stuff really, I know it's probably my self esteem and I shouldn't punish myself forever. We all make mistakes. I do think I'm kind and a good person but I was stupid when younger. Does anyone else feel like that?