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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cinema AIBU

19 replies

Grumpygorilla · 14/03/2022 07:25

Start of the weekend i planned a date night for me and boyfriend. It was part of a side job which meant we could get the evenings tea and tickets to the cinema for free. Think film critic type job. Money is tight so this is a great way to go out for free.
Sent boyfriend the link to cinema listings and times 4 days before the actual night. Whilst he replied to my messages he said he would look later and let me know. The day of the cinema came round and he still hadn't let me know what film preference/time he could make.
This then caused a whole argument between us as the evening had to be cancelled as there are job requirements to complete for it which he knew and it ruined the date night.
His excuse was that he works away through the week and was really busy. Too busy to find 5 minutes for me to just check and let me know. I was booking everything he just needed to tell me film preference and time he could make. He then turned it back on me and said i should have reminded him midweek. Should I really have to remind a grown man?! Is it my fault for not asking again and reminding him? Didn't want to come across as a nag.
I said I go to the effort of finding these things for free when money is tight but I'm going to stop making the effort if he can't find 5 minutes in the week for me.
AIBU or expect to much? Or was boyfriend BU?

To rub salt into the wound at the end of the weekend i had gone out for the day with friends, he took his child out for the day...to the cinema!! And to see a film he knew i wanted to see and had mentioned wanting to see months ago! He never take them anywhere like that and when id mentioned it months before he said no. To which he now denies. He said it was a spur of the moment booking because the weather wasn't great but then thought i was being unreasonable for acting upset and annoyed all night.
I just don't understand how, knowing me, he didn't think this through and realise I'd be pissed off.

OP posts:

rebekuh · 14/03/2022 07:28

Next time, just book and tell him the time and place

Did you have to stay home and do nothing?

TheRealityCheque · 14/03/2022 07:33

Meh,

If I was busy at the time I was asked it would completely leave my mind and I would need reminding again.

Your last sentence makes you look incredibly needy and needing to grow up.

LubaLuca · 14/03/2022 07:34

Yes, in that situation I'd have made the decision and got it booked. I wouldn't have missed out on a good, free evening's entertainment because someone else couldn't get their thinking hat on.

Chocomelon · 14/03/2022 07:36

I can see how this is annoying OP. Yes maybe you should have reminded him but it's weird he took the child out alone. Do you usually go out with him and his child?

DollyPardoned · 14/03/2022 07:36

He doesn’t sound that into you. I’d bin him off if he can’t be arsed to make an effort

Chocomelon · 14/03/2022 07:39

I mean it's not weird he took his child out alone, it's weird he ignored you wanting to go to the cinema and went without you.

Speak to him and tell him how it made you feel and how he responds to that will tell you whether he's just an arse.

SpringSparrow · 14/03/2022 07:47

I don’t understand why he needed to chose the film and time, why didn’t you just chose what you wanted to see? Also having to do job requirements for a date night is just off putting. Going to a cinema shouldn’t be a chore. Doing something just because it’s free, can feel just not nice. It reminds me of a friend who I don’t see very often now because she was so tight and always trying to get stuff for free. She isn’t even hard up. She’d do stuff like ordering the largest coffee at Starbucks and sharing it with her husband.

Original poster

Grumpygorilla · 14/03/2022 07:55

The small bit of work it requires is what i fill in and write up not him. I never make him do that so that way he can just enjoy the evening of whatever the event is.

He works different hours so just needed him to confirm which film start time was best. No point me just booking if he had to work late or something.
If I'd have chosen a film he didn't agree with id have had a lot of huffing and puffing and sly 'its boring' remarks all evening.

I do sometimes go out with him and his child but i already had plans this weekend so was unable to. Totally fine but then would have just expected him to wait until next week to go to the cinema when I'm free and we could all go together.

OP posts:

Original poster

Grumpygorilla · 14/03/2022 07:57

Thank you for the responses, happy to accept i have been more unreasonable than i should have.
Need to work on that i think!

OP posts:

OnTopOfThePiano · 14/03/2022 08:09

This all sounds like a lot of hard work.
Whilst you shouldn’t have to id of just said do you know if you want time x or y? If he doesn’t like the film choice he doesn’t come

The child and cinema thing is a red herring head but to echo others he’s not that into you

KosherDill · 14/03/2022 08:11

He sounds like an ass. Huff & puff over film choices? Too busy to respond?

I'd be reevaluating the relationship.

HotSauceCommittee · 14/03/2022 08:11

I would have just gone without him or seen if a friend was available.

Ragwort · 14/03/2022 08:11

I think you need to be more assertive, let him know you can see 'Film X' or 'Film Y' ... if he hasn't responded then just go on your own or take a friend ... don't wait around for him. He doesn't really sound that interested.

ImInStealthMode · 14/03/2022 08:15

I'd have just gone without him.

You are unreasonable to be upset that he took his kid to the cinema on a rainy day though. It's a kids film, you couldn't make it, next week the film might not be on or it might not be rainy.

Chamomileteaplease · 14/03/2022 08:48

I am more with you OP.

He was an ungrateful sod not getting back to you. Then worse to not apologise but instead to cause an argument.

And I do think it was shitty to take his kid to see the one film you said you wanted to see. I am sure there were more choices.

He isn't coming across very well.

Pinkdelight3 · 14/03/2022 10:22

He sounds shit - he can hardly huff and puff about your decision if he is too useless to make a decision. Though I also agree you should've just gone ahead and seen what you wanted without him. As a film fan, I think it's a bit lame to be using reviewing only as a way to get free dates. Having committed to doing reviews, you should have gone anyway - maybe doing more things for yourself will help with your independence and he'll see that he has to step up his game.

Babymamamama · 14/03/2022 10:25

Next time invite a friend who might appreciate the invite more…or go alone! He doesn’t sound like the greatest partner TBH.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 14/03/2022 10:28

He forgot something because he was busy working.

You didn't remind him based on some principle that adults should never forget things, let time run out, and then blamed him for you cancelling.

YABU

canigooutyet · 14/03/2022 10:35

Next time just book a film and time you want and either go alone or take a friend.
And when he moans just tell him you didn't think he was interested as he didn't get back to you.

Want to see a film and he isn't interested, what is stopping you from going alone? You don't need his permission.

Life is too short to wait around for people and miss out on things you want to do.

Finances are tight and you want to see a film, do you have any mates with 3? We get tickets for £3.

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