To hold off returning to work?

[Unmummsymum2022]

I am a longstanding member who has name changed Just been offered a part time job.

2DC. DD is on High care and Low mobility DLA, DS is on Middle care and Low mobility. Both obviously have disabilities. I am fully reliant on benefits and claim carers allowance for DD.

I'm not eligible for respite as school is respite from the POV of social services. Fair enough.

New job is quite flexible so I could do 9-2, 5 days a week or 3 longer days, except DD in particular can't access after school care so it would need to be the 5 days.

We are financially OK and balanced at the moment and to return to work wouldn't leave me any better off financially and at a cost of losing any respite I have.

I feel guilty saying no but at the same time, the exhaustion is real, juggling the appointments is going to be logistically a nightmare. DD has only been attending school full-time 3 months out of the last 2.5 years.

WIBU to wait another couple of years for things to be fully stable with both DC?

I'm also conscious of the cost of living at the moment, currently we are OK but I'm likely to end up down money with this job in real terms.

I feel trapped. Respite/SEN childcare a few days a week would make it a no brainer but it doesn't exist.

YANBU.

The system is (or should be) set up to support people with needs like yours and your family.
If you end up worse off, ill and exhausted, then you will be no help to your children.
As it stands, I would not work for a couple of years till things have improved, like you say.

I think if their time at school is the restbite, then you should not consider working just yet. You don’t want to run the risk of burning yourself out either physically or mentally if you’ve got a sustained period of trying to juggle appointments/sickness of the kids etc.

I’m saying all that assuming that you’d lose some of the benefits received.

What is it that's making you consider it if you'd be financially worse off and lose your 'respite'? Is it a sense of 'I should be working'? Unless you have a burning desire to advance in a career, or start a job outside of the home for your mental health, or it paid you £££ - no way would I consider it. You'll end up exhausted.

Not to mention the logistics/stress of childcare on non-school days or if your children need a day off from school due to illness or appointments.

FYI, I work part time as a primary school teacher and my teenager gets HRC and LRM. When she was younger, work was extremely difficult and I instead spent that time retraining/upskilling.

She will be 18 in a few years and moving into supported living at some point in her adulthood. She'll then be supported to be in control of her own finances and child element of UC and her DLA will end. At which point, hopefully, I'll be able to move to full time work and go for a promoted post.

So, you do need to consider the future when benefits etc stop being paid directly to you as your children move into young adulthood and possibly supported living situations. But until then, don't take on a part time job with minimal future career prospects unless it will bring significant advantages.

Do you want to work for your own sake? Is it a stressful job or something "easy" for you? I'd be tempted by the 9-2 as they're tough to find and if it's the right role at the right company it might be nice to be something other than "mum of".