To organise a last minute wedding?

[willwewontwe]

We have gone back and forwards over what to do about a wedding for nearly 2 years now. In that time we’ve also had a baby and had other things to think about. Neither of us are that interested in ‘the big day’. I would like the wedding dress and to have the same second name as my partner and baby at the end of it but that’s about it. Neither of us want a formal sit down dinner and speeches about how we met etc. I would far rather have a nice relaxed day with friends, ideally in the sun. We’d possibly start it a bit later than a usual wedding, have a short ceremony then just drinks, casual food with kids activities etc outside until the reception. We have a venue picked that without giving myself away would involve people staying over due to its location (not abroad or anything). We planned to get married summer 2023 although we haven’t arranged anything. Now due to recent world events getting me thinking, I’m wondering why we have to wait til then. If we do I’ll just spend the next year thinking of all the things that could go wrong and worrying about it all. Could we just get married late summer this year?

Would 5 months be enough notice for people to book a hotel room for the night? I hate asking people to put themselves out so the concept of people having to pay to stay over for my wedding doesn’t sit well with me at all 🙈 There would be the issue of some people having already booked a holiday and some bands etc already being booked up but I’m sure we will find one who isn’t. The venue is available and we’d need to find a humanist for the ceremony but again, not that fussed on who 🙈 Is this all a terrible idea or does this sound doable? Help 😬

Totally fine. That’s the time we took (for a big formal wedding), including my DP having a bespoke outfit made, while mine was bought 2nd hand and altered.

If you are in England you can’t get legally married outside and the venue has to be registered for wedding ceremonies

We rushed our wedding as my mum had a terminal diagnosis and I wanted her there. In some ways it can be easier as there's less choice. I tried on wedding dresses then bought one form a preloved wedding dress website, like gumtree for wedding dresses.

@mangoontoast oh I wasn’t sure about this! If you can’t we’ll just sign the forms at the registry office if need be

@seven201 oh no, so sorry! I saw my ‘dream’ one on eBay and actually thought what would be wrong with that? Saves money and I could just sell it on there after

@toomuchlaundry it’s Scotland but probably the same, we might need to do a registry office to sign the forms but not have any kind of ceremony at that

Dress is easy, I bought and took mine home in a day. Agree with the previous poster, this does sound like you have distinct views on what you want for your wedding (which is fine, it’s your day), but you might be disappointed if things don’t go to plan. I think you may struggle with some of the guests attendance. Starting later may rule out some with children of a certain age (we’ve just had to turn down a wedding as it starts too late and our baby won’t sleep in the pram and we’ve nowhere to put them down as bedtime is 1930). Also people are really feeling the pinch at the moment so staying over night just be unaffordable.

I think you can totally plan a wedding, five months is ages (we booked ours under month before!), but you might not have the guests you want. If you can be more relaxed about the venue/timings then I think you’ll have a better chance of friends and family attending, just depends on what you and husband prioritise.

I planned my wedding in 3 months - you soon realise which aspects are important to you and which aren't! I got my dress from Wed2B and loved it. Go for it!!

Even though we had to postpone our 2020 wedding, as we were just going into lockdown, we still got married later in 2020.

Restrictions meant that we could only have two witnesses and twelve guests, who we met afterwards in a really lovely local pub.

We virtually had the pub to ourselves for a few hours (I had a morning wedding) and it was the first time we’d all seen each other since before lockdown so it made it extra special.

Got back home around 3ish, DS went home with DM and DH & I went back into town to celebrate.

It was the best day and I really wouldn’t change anything about it. My relatives all said how lovely it was, nothing formal just a really great day.

If you don’t feel comfortable asking friends to pay for an overnight stay do something more local, you can still have a lovely wedding but without the stress.

My dress was from Monsoon.

DH & DS had hired suits

You can get married outdoors by a humanist in Scotland.

I'm not sure where you are OP, but if you're anywhere near Edinburgh, there's an amazing second hand bridal charity shop in Ocean Terminal - wedding and bridesmaid dresses, kilts, shoes, tiaras etc.

Dress is really easy to source these days. Loads of ready to wear ones from the likes of Monsoon, Debenhams on-line, John Lewis etc. Plus, Facebook Marketplace is flooded with people selling their dresses, I’m sure you could pick up a bargain(!)

We sorted ours in three months and it was brilliant. The only thing that took time was sorting the marriage license. Everyone assumed I was pregnant as we'd been engaged for over five years 🙃.

I’d go for it this summer, but I’d accept that I may not have the all the arrangements exactly as I wanted. Some guests will decline and you might have your fourth choice band playing, for example.

It’ll be great, whatever! Enjoy your day.

I think in Scotland you can get married anywhere as long as the priest / registrar is accredited - it's the person who is licensed not the venue. In England you need both

I got married at short notice in late 2020 wearing the evening gown I'd bought to be a wedding guest at a postponed wedding that still hasn't happened!

In Scotland humanist weddings are legal so you’re fine.

Dress is easy if you can fit in a sample size or buy second hand, they're usually about a 10. It's the alterations that take time. I'd just go for it, if anything 5 months of stress is too much!

As PP said, humanist weddings ar legal in Scotland.

This might be useful info:

www.humanism.scot/humanist-ceremonies/weddings_civil_partnerships/getting-married-scotland/

www.nrscotland.gov.uk/registration/getting-married-in-scotland/how-do-i-go-about-it

I defs think it can be done and huge congrats !
My only thought when you said about the notice is I already have three hen doos and two weddings to attend between august and October this year. Finding annual leave for another occasion would be really hard.

I think you've already mentioned that you know people will have holidays booked etc. how big is your ideal guest list ? If 50% couldn't make it would it affect your day?
If your best friend or sibling had committed to another wedding would you be ok with that ?

Just throwing out a few questions I'd be asking myself in the same situation :)

You can definitely do it. Just start getting things booked in now. Regarding a dress I would make appointments asap at any bridal shops and explain the timing. They'll be used to it and only show you dresses that they can order in time or you can buy off the peg from the store. You don't have to resort to a high street dress because you only have 5 months.

Five months isn’t loads of time I suppose but it’s plenty to organise a perfectly lovely wedding. Yes you may have to compromise here and there but it’s still very doable.
Off the peg or second hand for the dress, flexibility with everything else.
Congratulations

I planned mine in 10 weeks and got married at 34 weeks pregnant. Was perfect!

We arranged a semi traditional fairly formal wedding in 7 weeks (actually realistically we arranged everything in about two weeks.) We looked at a few choices of venue and fell in love with one that gave us the choice of going on the list for when they released dates for three years time or a date that was available in seven weeks time. My dress was off the peg from a department store (it didn't seem like a compromise at all I loved it and still get compliments about it 20 years later). We reserved the date for three days which allowed to to check that close family/best friends were available on the proposed date. We had a couple of frantic weeks when we booked and choose everything but it actually focused the mind - I've seen other brides take months over choosing flowers or bridesmaids dresses when I took a few days it meant I couldn't over think or look at too many different options. 20 years on and I don't have any regrets or a sense that I rushed things, there is nothing I would change given the opportunity. People assume it must have been really stressful but I was fairly relaxed, I think not having the sense of I have been planning this for 2 years took the pressure off rather than piling it on. A couple of my cousins couldn't make it but as I have 25+ cousins I don't think we have all ever been at a wedding even with years of notice.