How to deal with low level bullying in primary school

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My DS seems to have become a target of low level bullying. A shove here, a nasty comment there, knocking his books off the table, obvious whispering about him. None of it absolutely awful but relentless - think something like this everyday.

It is really starting to effect him and his self esteem and how he feels about school. Any suggestions on how to deal with this from parents or teachers.

What have you tried so far?

More info please.

What age is your DS?

What has he done/have you done to try to put a stop to it?

Teacher here, I suggest calling it right out to Head and teacher....exactly as you have explained. Names of children doing active involvement of parents of children doing it. Followed by school support being put in place and encourage your child to establish positive friendships within the class.

DS is in Year 5. I think initially I didn't realise how bad it was as he wasn't telling me everything that was happening. When I thought it was the odd one thing or another I advised trying to 'grey rock' or ignore it as there will always be a bit of this at school. DS is not confident enough to address the 'bullies' directly and he is unwilling to talk to the teacher so I will have to do this myself I think.

I'm not sure exactly what I can ask expect of the teacher with this sort of thing. I think they would take actual physical bullying more seriously than saying DC is upset because someone called him 'stupid' or keeps knocking his bag off his desk. But it is the relentlessness of it that is so bad I think.

If it’s every day then I would not call this ‘low level’. You need to complain to the school, otherwise this will affect his mental health.

Please don’t make the mistake of thinking that physical bullying is worse. Emotional abuse is incredibly damaging.

@Itsnotover I think you are absolutely right. I actually feel really bad that I didn't really get how bad things were getting sooner. I wish DS had told me more, but also blame myself for not spotting it sooner.

No bullying is low level. Speak to the Head. I find it best to email my son's Head whenever there's an issue because then you have a trail of communication in case you need it (fingers crossed you don't). I hope he's ok!

I agree physical bullying I not always worse.

I would highlight this to the teachers, I would expect them to keep an eye at class times and act on anything they see happening, detentions or whatever their policies are for bullying.Escalate to the head if needed.

You need to protect your DS so this is resolved before high school, you don't want him hating school and it developing further

Teacher and anti bullying co ordinator here…

Please speak to or email your child’s teacher. Relentless ‘low level’ bullying can absolutely be damaging to a child and any teacher will want to know if it is happening in their classroom. It would be helpful if you could ask your son for specific examples from the past couple of weeks. Start keeping a log of any further incidents.

My own children have had this happen to them and mostly it’s been resolved with a stern word from their teacher. Kids will carry on if they think they can, especially if they’re unchecked.

@CheapFoodShits

No bullying is low level. Speak to the Head. I find it best to email my son's Head whenever there's an issue because then you have a trail of communication in case you need it (fingers crossed you don't). I hope he's ok!

Why speak to the Head when they've not yet spoken to the class teacher? All the head will do is pass it onto them. Much easier to contact the teacher directly and have a proper discussion about it.

Oh god. I thought you were goi g to say year one or two. You need someone to scare those kids.

Talk to the teacher. I hope they find a way to help stop this

If this was happening to a child in my class I would want to know about it and it would be taken VERY seriously.

I will talk to the teacher tomorrow. What realistically can I expect the teacher to do about this sort of thing. I'm concerned the teacher might just brush it off as minor bickering between kids etc.

Cross post @Seashor. Good to know that this would be taken seriously.

When you speak to the teacher you need to speak about your child, how he feels, how his self esteem is dropping, how he doesn’t want to attend school etc

Do not resort to speaking about the other child - your child is your focus.

Teacher can only help if they know about it. Ask if there could be a note system, so he can slip her a note.

Maybe there is a pastoral support your son could attend, there usually is someone doing this in school.

It may also be worth investigating how your child reacts to these incidents, a confident child will react differently to a child who’s unsure - I’m in no way blaming the victim here - but if you can work this out it can help in future.

Get an urgent meeting with your child's teacher, the head of the school and a possible antibullying person (in DCs school is called something like pastoral care)

They need to move and shake and make things happen assemblies, watch them in playground, talk about it ij class, change seats....

Worked for mine! But then she's year 1, could be different.... anyways, now she's very good friends with the girl who was bullying her 3/4 months ago 👍

I would not say this was low level as there's no such thing. Frequent, targeted unkind behaviour like you've described is bullying. It's much harder to catch than physical attacks though which is why you definitely need to address it. It may be that you need to be a frequent visitor or in frequent contact with school before something is done as it's very hard to deal with something they haven't seen. If the other child denies it, it's one child's word against another.

Definitely speak to the teacher. They may not take it seriously at first so you need to make sure you relay all the information: frequency, how your child is feeling, that your child doesn't want to speak up etc.

The teacher needs to be made aware so they can catch any unkind behaviour and call it out. They will also want to have a way where they can address issues asap. More frequent communication from you when your child has said something is helpful but the best way is if your child is able to say when it's happened.

The teacher needs to know if there are certain trigger times. IE is it certain lessons/playtimes when it's more frequent?

As a teacher my biggest issue has been catching the child doing it. The more information I had about when it was happening meant I was able to get adult eyes on the situation and had 'proof' it was happening. I was then able to address it quickly.

I hope you're able to resolve this with the school.

Email the teacher and CC the head. Children are still quite impressionable at this age and this behaviour is easily corrected.
Leaving it too long will definitely harm your child’s confidence and have negative knock on effect on his development.

Do not go to the parents directly/name and shame the children or any other form of direct “counter attack” as that will only escalate the situation.

Most of the schools do not do enough to rectify the situation at first. So you must persevere. To put it crudely, you have become such a headache/pain in the arse for the school that they rather deal with the bullying issue than deal with you.

I'd also start a note file in your phone and start tracking absolutely everything you find out about no matter how small. When you see it is a full list in black and white it helps demonstrate how serious it is.

I'm not sure exactly what I can ask expect of the teacher with this sort of thing. I think they would take actual physical bullying more seriously than saying DC is upset because someone called him 'stupid' or keeps knocking his bag off his desk.

Talk to the class teacher, I am sure they will take it seriously.
When DD was at primary there was one of these "low level" bullying scenarios. Maybe a situation more typical to girls. One girl was the popular Queen Bee and the others had to toe the line so as not to be excluded from her coterie. To my great delight DD had 2 besties and didn't appear to give a stuff whether she upset Queen Bee or not. However some of the other kids in the class were quite affected by it and one did eventually approach the class teacher who was very good and took action to sort this out.
However I do know at least one parent chose a different secondary school for her DD from the one most of the others were going to just to get their DD away from this girl

@FusionChefGeoff

I'd also start a note file in your phone and start tracking absolutely everything you find out about no matter how small. When you see it is a full list in black and white it helps demonstrate how serious it is.

Yes, because they'll want real examples, names

This would be taken very seriously at the school where I work. So sorry that this is happening to your ds. Please do let the school now how relentless it has been and the effect that it is having.

Following for the same advice. We are further down the road and have met with HT, CT and AENCO.

Keep being the thorn in their side/squeaky wheel is my advice. Not in an angry way. Persistent and firm. This is bullying and my DS he’d rather be hit everyday because he could at least block it