AIBU to get annoyed at my sister

[lyssie29]

My sister's toddler has epic tantrums. He will scream and scream and they ignore him so hopefully he will get over it soon. Today however we were at a soft play party and the play area is downstairs and I took both my kids to get a drink while she was with her son. He wanted to follow and she said she couldn't leave the table so he had a tantrum. It wasnt a long time or anything maybe 5 minutes but he just screeches really loud. When I came back (I didn't know he was having a tantrum) she was close to tears and started shouting at me as though it was all my fault. Then because I got annoyed at her she then said why am I so bothered about myself when she is the one who's stressed and having to deal with it and she started crying. AIBU to get annoyed at essentially getting blamed because her toddler was having a tantrum?? Several times she has expected my children to stop doing their normal things because he can't do it or because she doesn't want to help him do it because he has a tantrum.

Your children shouldn't suffer because their cousin has tantrums, but I expect things are very hard for your sister and she is very stressed.

Of course your children shouldn't have to stop what they are doing but if I was taking my children to get a drink, I would have taken my nephew with me if he wanted to come.

Could he not have come with you to get a drink without his mum

I don't understand-why didn't your Nephew come with you to get a drink too?

There could be a lot more going on with her child than she is willing to admit. It's not fair that she's taking her frustration out on you though. If she'd asked you to take her child or wait, I'm sure you would have. Show some sympathy and ask how you can help next time you're with her. And I don't mean to the detriment of your own DC of course.

Why wasn’t he allowed to leave the table and go with you? How old is he?

I think she was probably very stressed in the moment and wrongly took it out on you. Perhaps she needs some new ways of dealing with his tantrums as ignoring him isn’t working and it sounds like she finds that hard to deal with.

YANBU. You pick your battles and it doesn't sound like she needed to stop him going with you and his cousins.

I get that it's frustrating, but it sounds like your sister is really struggling right now and might just need some leniency from you as she navigates what sounds like an especially difficult time.

I didn't realise he'd wanted to come or I would have just taken him. He had a drink at the table. I do feel sorry for her when he does it as she does get really stressed. It was just the fact that as soon as she saw me she started shouting at me when I didn't even know anything about it. I have helped her alot when he has tantrums I had to take him out of a restaurant once when we got our meals as he was having a tantrum and she got upset so I left the place and took him for a walk until he calmed down and she could eat her meal.

She was just stressed. Tantrums are awful, especially when it happens in public spaces. Try to support her, it gets better..

Oh no sounds hard for you both tbh. Maybe meet round her house for a bit if she finds it easier. Or offer to take your nephew for a bit for a break.

To me it sounds as though she is really flustered and embarrassed and finding it tough....she was crying! And your reaction is to be pissed off. Yes it's not nice to be blamed but people lash out when they are struggling so it sounds a bit more like a cry for help than anything else

Yea she was being a bit of a dick but it sounds like she was stressed and overwhelmed and took it out on you. Which is better than her shouting at her toddler. It sounds like she’s finding things tough at the minute. Not that there’s necessarily anything you can do to help with that but try not to hold this incident against her.

Why do you put up with her?

Just get up and walk out if she shouts at you. Tell her you will not be her whipping boy because she can’t manage her own child.

@AmyandPhilipfan

Yea she was being a bit of a dick but it sounds like she was stressed and overwhelmed and took it out on you. Which is better than her shouting at her toddler. It sounds like she’s finding things tough at the minute. Not that there’s necessarily anything you can do to help with that but try not to hold this incident against her.

No, it’s never ok to take your anger out on an innocent person.

@Squeezita

Why do you put up with her?

Just get up and walk out if she shouts at you. Tell her you will not be her whipping boy because she can’t manage her own child.

You sound nice.

Um, wonder where he gets his tantrumming from?! Not helpful I suppose but if you can think of it as her being overwhelmed by her embarrassment/stress, just as the 3 yr old equivalent was him being overwhelmed by his disappointment at not coming for a drink, maybe you can feel less personally attached my it (and gently tell her to grow up).

Attacked by not attached my. Sorry.

@Bottomlessproseccolunch

You sound nice.

You don’t.

I think she sounds like she is struggling. I wouldn't be annoyed unless there is significant backstory to your relationship.

So she had a bitchfit cos her kids did? And wonders why he’s like it!
Not your problem that she can’t deal with her child, she needs parent him instead of being lazy and the ignoring is just weird.
He’s like it cos she is, YANBU.

And she didn’t want her help her own toddler cos he was having a tantrum?

She needs parenting classes.

Some of you are nasty…we have no idea why the sister did this. I’ve been known to lose my sh** on occasion if something didn’t go how I expected it…I guess none of you have had postnantal depression???

OP I think you are right to be mad at your sister, but it’s possibly worth speaking to her (or asking your mum) in a non-judgemental way, that just makes sure she is doing ok. I know I hid how bad it was for me for a lot of years before I finally opened up and got help.

He seems to pick up on her behaviour, if she's like this with the crying and flustering. Is ds's father involved ?

She sounds like she’s having a really hard time. I’d be more concerned than anything.