Can you force yourself to be happy?

[missedtherainbow]

How or can you make, force yourself to be happy instead of just getting through the day?
I know I should be grateful for my life given everything going on in the world but I just feel disappointed when I wake up, disappointed that there is another day to get through and that it’s not all over yet.
There is nothing awful in my life I just feel empty and as if I’m done.
Am I silly in thinking that there must be ways of making yourself feel something without making huge changes when there really isn’t anything awful in your life?
I’m not sure if it’s just everything that’s happened over the last few years but I just spend the days counting down the time until bed.

Abraham Lincoln said this more than 150 years ago, "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be," and it's as true today as when he first said it

I think some people really do ‘choose’ to be happy but it really takes practice.

I have had spells where I’ve felt like you, just wanting to get to bedtime so I can sleep and turn off the day, usually it’s been when I’ve had periods of depression though caused when my iron has been low or when my thyroid was out of whack.

If there is nothing awful in your life and you are feeling this way it may be worth seeing if there are underlying causes.

Do you have things in your life you enjoy? Lots of people (myself included) get a lot of happiness from exercise and time with animals. Yoga, mindfulness and crafts are also helpful. I'd try some country walks, swimming, yoga etc, make an effort to drink lots of water and eat reasonably healthy but enjoyable food. Then if you still don't start to feel any happier in a month or so, I would try the doctors as you could have mild depression.

I get where you're coming from, I too have nothing to be unhappy about but some days are so hard. I feel flat, not enthusiastic about anything.
However I know I'm perimenopausal at 41 and it comes with the territory, currently waiting for blood tests.

As I'm a sahm, I do have to slap on a smile and run around with my kids and get stuff done. I find exercising helps a lot. Also reminding myself that I'm healthy, my family are all well.

How old are you? Could it also be perimenopause?

I hope you find your way through @missedtherainbow.

I found Happy by Derren Brown a thought provoking read with some good ideas.

Cringy as it sounds identifying three things you're grateful for each day might be a good place to start. You learn to look out for good things that way.

You can’t force yourself to be happy if you’re clinically depressed but you can treat yourself kindly.
Wake up at the same time each day.
Healthy diet
Good sleep routine
Fresh air and exercise.

I am a bit of a downer sometimes... but find I can pull myself back from the brink by reminding myself that there's not too much actually wrong, life isn't perfect, and it doesn't have to be... so allow myself to simply be content... not necessarily happy... "happy" is too big a step sometimes.

I've been diagonsed with major clinical depression and whilst I wouldn't say I'm 'happy' with my life, the biggest change I've made over the years is making time for developing hobbies and interests. It was a slow process and I did have to stick to regularly trying the same activity for a period of time before I started to feel any point in spending my time doing it. I thought back to things I enjoyed doing as a kid as a starting point.

Crafts I can do whilst watching something mindless on Netflix work well for me. It's just enough distraction from my own thoughts without being too mentally taxing like trying to read a book. Gardening is also a good one as you plant something, then get the pay off a few months later when it grows and blooms. It's not a cure for depression, but on the whole does give life a small amount of purpose and distracts me from counting down the hours to bed - the majority of the time at least.

I think it helps to try to appreciate the small things, focusing on them and trying not to let other thoughts intrude. Does your coffee taste good? Is it nice to see the sun shining? Is there a tune you can play that lifts you? Try not to think of happiness as being this tangible thing that's out of reach, lower your bar for how good you 'should' be feeling, and just focus on feeling OK and getting some enjoyment from what you're doing in the now. Practically, routine, exercise, sunlight, vitamin D, good diet and productivity to achieve a goal, no matter how small, are mood lifters. If the nothing feeling persists, and its not connected to lifestyle or social issues, it might be worth checking in with your GP.

Yes, I think you can. Some things are very hard to navigate indeed, but I think a lot of it is down to attitude.

I think it's all about one's perspective. We can all view the same scene but have a unique perspective on it. The scene itself doesn't have the qualities, the person holds the qualities. There are lots of factors that go into why a person perceives the way they do, but we do have the ability to adapt some of that. So yes, you can open yourself up to a different perspective that shows you to have more positive experiences.

Having therapy was a turning point for me. I was/am addicted to negative thinking, it originally stems from low self esteem etc, but in the end negativity can be quite stimulating
Now, if I feel emotions rising in response to something (low self-worth, shame, self-blame) I can sit with them and unpick what's behind it. Then reframe as something more realistic/self-compassionate etc. It has helped give me headspace for more positive emotions to breath, and give myself a break from constant negativity. Don't think I could have got there on my own, I see therapy as essential to increasing my happiness

Apparently there is a significant element of genetics to being happy but apparently you can learn to be happy. There is a podcast on BBC sounds about it.

I think happiness is one of those things that the more you chase it, the more it evades you. It might be better to find things that add meaning to your life, or you can achieve a state of 'flow' in, ie, lose yourself in, or things you enjoy, and just get on with those things. I find that happiness comes in small doses. Sometimes, I have to 'catch' or notice myself feeling happy, as it's fleeting.

I am training myself to notice those moments of feeling content and deep down satisfaction, rather than happiness.

happiness doesn't exist, its a combination of things including being thankful for what you having and appreciating the little things. its all individual what gives life meaning and we shouldn't tie ourselves to expectations and looking at what other have.

@JillPole123

Having therapy was a turning point for me. I was/am addicted to negative thinking, it originally stems from low self esteem etc, but in the end negativity can be quite stimulating Now, if I feel emotions rising in response to something (low self-worth, shame, self-blame) I can sit with them and unpick what's behind it. Then reframe as something more realistic/self-compassionate etc. It has helped give me headspace for more positive emotions to breath, and give myself a break from constant negativity. Don't think I could have got there on my own, I see therapy as essential to increasing my happiness

This is for me a very impressive post.

Accepting that there is a process of thinking which may be happening automatically and which can be challenged and the thoughts reframed: ideally everyone would do that.

I get that it's taken therapy @JillPole123 I'm still impressed that you have taken that on board and made that change.

Would you feel ok to explain what kind of therapy made the difference. Happy for a PM if you prefer not to provide any details in public.

Yes to everyone who's suggested appreciating the small things!

Over the last few years I've practised this and, overall, I feel more positive. Things like how the sunlight streams through the windows and lights up pockets of the room I don't normally notice. or how the rain makes patterns on the windows. How soft the carpet or slippers feel on my feet. How cosy it is to wrap my hands round a warm cuppa. How tasty cabbage is (I always forget!). How the breeze feels on my face if I'm out for a walk round the block. Setting my phone alarm in the morning to play a song I love.

Nothing big but an accumulation of appreciation of the little things adds up to a more consistent feeling of contentment, in my case at any rate.

It's not always so simple so worth seeing a doctor if you can't seem to lift your mood no matter what you try

@FinallyHere Thanks, happy to share. I am not an expert, but I believe it is in integrative approach combining different aspects, including CBT (which I think is the re-framing of initial emotional responses to situations). In the beginning we started looking at the past, from early childhood until she understood the main dynamics, then she connected those to the troubles I am having now, pointing out parallels etc. I really was a stranger to myself, but after a while I could also spot the patterns too. It becomes almost laughably easy with time. The rest of the work now is embedding the healthier responses, because it's hard/impossible to change absolutely, but the strength is in knowing yourself and your issues.

Look up Mo Gawdat, he's done a lot of work on this

Thank you @JillPole123 An integrative approach makes sense I've known people who have tried "something or other" and not found it helpful, at least for the long term.

Yes you can.
I have clinical major depression (diagnosed) and it took me many, many years but I force myself to be happy every day. I do get blips during certain times of the year that are significant but other than that I'm okay, I find small things that make me smile and work off that.
I find dancing and acting like a bit of a twat helps.