Expectations too high ?

[bloodyparking]

For context, I'm with my partner for last 18 months. We are both divorced with kids, see one another every weekend. Both early fifties.

I have worked with same colleagues for last 15+ years. We are very close friends.a small circle.

He has left his job an hour away six months ago to move to another job. He hasn't met ex colleagues since but a work night out will be happening next week for them and they've invited him back . I've only met the three colleagues with whom he became friendly with, once.
He will Travel to go to this night out And is excited to see them.All male.

A few weeks ago I had a work night out with my colleagues/ friends and invited my bf to come up afterwards to meet them briefly towards the end of the night , have a few drinks and stay in hotel. He came and we had great fun.

Now these are very good friends of mine outside of work whereas his friends/ colleagues are people he worked with and to hours but little contact since except for the odd message or chat.

He hasn't asked me to come and meet him afterwards and stay.

AIBU to feel a bit off about this?

I think YABU. I'm also in my 50's. Are they big drinkers? Can't you let him have one night?

If they're not really THAT close to your OH, do you even really want to meet them??? Chances are he may not see them much after this anyway, whereas you're a lot closer to your colleagues, so it's probably better he met them as they'll more likely be in his and yours future, than you OH's ex colleagues.

YABU.

Your work friends are from a 15 year career, you still work there (it sounds like) and they've very good friends of yours outside of work. It makes sense for them to meet your partner.

His are ex colleagues for a job he doesn't work at anymore, imo it would be weird for you to go and be "introduced" as surely it's just a catch up for them.

All male former work colleagues? I wouldn’t expect to be invited - it’s a boys’ night out with men he doesn’t socialise with very often. You don’t have to insert yourself into every aspect of somebody’s life just because you date them.

I have female friends and colleagues who DP (fiancé) of five years hasn’t met. I don’t think he’d particularly want to be invited any more than they’d really want him to be there. It changed the whole dynamic.

*changes

He is going for a work night out with ex work mates. It would be weird to invite you

Why do you need to meet them? Let him have his boys night. Id find it weird if a colleague invited their partner to a works night out.

I thought that I may have been unreasonable but wanted an objective opinion.
Thank you.

You can't expect him to match what you're doing with youre colleagues friends all the time. There's way too many variables.

Is there any reason why you're feeling insecure with him?

I don't have any reason to feel insecure per se, but we have had to pull back from
Each other recently due to unexpected family commitments and work so maybe I am a little unsettled generally.

Boys’ night out? No way. Why would you even want to go?

YABU. I’ve been married for 10 years and DH has never invited me on a work night out with his colleagues… I can’t see why he would, or why I’d want to go. I’ve never invited him out with mine either.

YABU, very. If these are a bunch of men he used to work with and not close friends, there’s really no reason for him to introduce you. They’re going to be talking about their work and stuff all night. I wouldn’t expect to be introduced to them. I met up for a few drinks with two women I used to work with last work. I didn’t invite my DP to meet them because that would have been a different dynamic.

His friends are male but there will be lots of other old colleagues there... male and female. He was their manager.

@bloodyparking

His friends are male but there will be lots of other old colleagues there... male and female. He was their manager.

Still not reasonable!

Each other recently due to unexpected family commitments and work so maybe I am a little unsettled generally. Yeah maybe you just want more of his time in general rather than in this specific example.

I think whether they are male or female is irrelevant. In many work places bringing along a partner to a work night out just isn't the done thing. Work can be a particular context external to home life in many (but of course not all) work cultures. My partner of 20 years doesn't know most of my colleagues (of up to 5 years).

I can see you are not talking about going to the whole thing but popping in at the end but I'm not sure why you'd need to do that really. Do you generally always socialise together so this feels odd?

I have a colleague that brings his partner on works nights out. We all assume he's a bit henpecked & not allowed out on his own

YABVU I’d think it was really odd if my colleagues partner came to our outing.

Stop overthinking things.

YABU, I've never met DH's colleagues, he has never met mine. Sometimes he goes for a day's hiking/pubbing with them, sometimes we'll go out for dinner with our own colleagues - -but we've never taken each other to these events. Certainly nothing to hide, just if they are work friends there isn't much in common with the other person.

YABU, I have never met DHs work colleagues and vice versa.

YABU.

My DH worked somewhere for 8 years, I only met 2 colleagues (separately) when we bumped into them whilst out. There is no need for you to meet them.

Got to agree, YABU. Just let him have a night out and don't overthink it. They're not as close as you are with your colleagues, yours sound like 'mates' not 'work mates'.

I'd never expect to be invited tbh