To think that people shouldn't comment about your weight

[S392]

2 years ago I set out to lose weight, get fit and I said to myself that it would be the last time I would diet. I successfully lost around 3-4 stone through the COVID period and up until Christmas that year. I was around 14 stone and I am 5'6, 5'7 ish and got down to around 9'13/10'2.

I had achieved this through a mix of exercise and better, controlled eating. Last year, I managed to keep at the new way of eating (fewer carbs, less snacking, less takeaways and so forth) nothing banned as such, just being conscious of what and how much I was eating. Until just before Christmas, I stopped the exercise, started to eat more and generally didn't care.

After Christmas I stepped on the scales and found out that I had gained around a stone in weight. Of course, people at work started to comment. Oh you've put some weight on. See, you can't keep it off. I was stunned. I didn't know what to say to them. My work trousers are too tight (well I struggle to fit into them). As is my fleece/jacket.

I am surprised at the comments and a bit annoyed that people would actually comment.

I am now thinking that I should go back to the "healthier me" and start to eat better with more exercise. But, it has really upset me that people would comment about my weight.

I really don't understand people who feel the need to comment on other's weight, be they overweight or underweight . Its at best tactless and at worst just plain old spiteful . It says far more about the person making the comments than it does about the person receiving the comments!

@Ambushedbycakeinmydreams thank you. I may look into that. I have heard positive things about keto and fasting

@toomanydogsandcats

My PA has gone from a size 14 to I reckon at least 30. She can't walk and has sores everywhere. I have spoken to HR as she can't do her job and is clearly miserable and depressed.

I'd be miserable and depressed if you were my LM as well.

I only comment if I know for sure someone is dieting /exercising
I have a medical condition and I'm loosing weight each week and well meaning people keep calling me lucky and marvelling at my losses whereas I'm actually miserable

I lost 3 stone in 2019 and have mostly kept it off (a few pounds here and there that I then try to lose before it gets out of hand). Saw a good friend of MILs end of 2021 (not seen since long before covid) and she said “oh you look fabulous I’m glad you’ve lost weight you had rather put it on a bit”. I was a bit flabbergasted tbh.

Comments about weight can be extremely triggering whether people are or aren’t actively trying to lose weight. Although it can feel nice when you are losing weight to have people comment on how slim you are looking, it can be a bit addictive. I tend to stick to weight neutral comments like “you’re looking really well” or “wow don’t you look great” rather than addressing the weight specifically. Another person’s weight or eating habits is none of anyone else’s business.

It’s rude. It’s like they were waiting for it to happen. Don’t let them put you off. It’s normal to put a bit on after as you try and maintain. Better to tackle now not wait until 3 stone heavier. Maintaining a healthy weight is hard.

@MarthaFokker

Have you ever discussed your weight loss with them OP?

If no then fair enough but I work with a couple of people who talk about their 'weight loss journeys' a fair bit.

Then they're suddenly not so keen and quite offended when they put the weight back on, and people comment.

This.^

@S392

I am in two minds about this. On the one hand, of course you are right that people shouldn't comment about your weight/size etc. However, it depends if you were went on about your weight loss, dress size shrinking, waist size shrinking etc etc, and how happy you were that you could now get into smaller clothes, and how much happier/more confident you are. Many MANY people blather on about it when they lose weight ('if I can do it YOU can,' and similar comments.) EVERYONE I know who has lost a few stone has been like this.

So if you DID go on about it (and how much fitter and healthier you were,) then you do have to take the negative comments about regaining the weight. I am sure you were happy to take the compliments about losing the weight.

I know many people who lost a few stone, and they become real diet bores, and it's possible that you may have been one of these. Droning on about it, all over social media etc... I find it very unlikely that you never mentioned your weight loss, anywhere - to anyone. So yeah, you will have to take the rough with the smooth, and accept people will comment on your weight gain.

Have you ever discussed your weight loss with them OP?
" Nope."

"See, you can't keep it off. "

I must be making too much of how OP said things. It's just that it would be so bizarrely intrusive to go up to someone, with whom you never discussed their weight before, and start out with See -- that suggests a prior conversation, at least about the principles of whether anyone can lose weight, if not OP specifically.

And then the "you can't keep it off" -- that's highly specific and directed... bossy. Who says that : would someone go up to a hair cut gone wrong and spontaneously say "See? You can't make hair like yours look good" having never discussed hair cuts before, or "See: I told you yellow looks awful on redheads like you." having never discussed yellow on gingers before.

It's the "See" thing... It's an odd phrase to use if there was literally no prior conversation on that topic.

@YeOldeTrout

Have you ever discussed your weight loss with them OP? " Nope."

"See, you can't keep it off. "

I must be making too much of how OP said things. It's just that it would be so bizarrely intrusive to go up to someone, with whom you never discussed their weight before, and start out with See -- that suggests a prior conversation, at least about the principles of whether anyone can lose weight, if not OP specifically.

And then the "you can't keep it off" -- that's highly specific and directed... bossy. Who says that : would someone go up to a hair cut gone wrong and spontaneously say "See? You can't make hair like yours look good" having never discussed hair cuts before, or "See: I told you yellow looks awful on redheads like you." having never discussed yellow on gingers before.

It's the "See" thing... It's an odd phrase to use if there was literally no prior conversation on that topic.

@YeOldeTrout

Yeah this. I find it highly unlikely that the OP didn't discuss it with people. The fact that this person said 'see, I told^ you that you couldn't keep it off' strongly suggests that the OP has mentioned her weight loss before, and the person who said this, has said 'I bet you can't keep the weight off.'

As you said, why would they have said this if a conversation has not existed beforehand discussing the OP's weight/diet?

PS: I should have said, it's definitely unkind to say "You can't keep it off" --can't see justification for being so blunt.

I agree that they should keep quiet

Ignore the comments but for your own sake, please please try to get back to your healthy habits. I let my weight creep up by almost 2 stone after a knee operation in 2017/2018, and I’m still trying to shift 1.5 stone of it. I let my healthy habits slide and it’s annoying me because a) I can’t wear so many things in my wardrobe and b) I can really feel it in my joints. I’ve been half hearted in my attempts to get back to my healthy weight, and a lot of it is to do with the fact that I’ve failed to redevelop the healthy habits of not having something sweet with every cup of tea/coffee, drinking enough water during the day, late nights and buying chocolate as an “energy boost” the next day.

I think some of it might be because they haven't seen you in person for a while and their memory of you was a skinny person.

Commenting on another person is rude, unless the person is discussing it themselves.

I will comment if someone quite normal looking is going on about how thin they are. I'll say something like 'You aren't thin, you are slim'

As someone who receives unsolicited comments about my appearance and my food, I find it needs to be nipped in the bud.
'Not sure why you felt you needed to tell me that' or similar.

I would normally agree with this sort of thread, your weight, your business! But you said work people said “see, you can’t keep the weight off” like your weight/diet/lifestyle change has been some sort of ongoing discussion? If that’s the case I don’t really think you can be as cross about it.

What other people do with THEIR OWN bodies is certainly not the business of anyone else.