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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

TTC in a new job

23 replies

newjobnewbaby · 13/03/2022 10:45

Looking for opinions!
I've just been offered a really great job - have accepted and submitted resignation at my current job.

However, we recently started trying to conceive - not pregnant yet. We have decided to wait a little bit but not sure how long. I have a 3 month notice period and don't want to start new job pregnant so will at least wait that out, but then I don't think it's ideal to get pregnant immediately in new job either 😵
I figured if we waited 3 months after starting new job, even if I got pregnant straight away, I'd have been there 6 months before I'd need to tell them and would have done about a year before going on mat leave - which I think is ok.
But that would mean waiting 6 months from now which seems a long time. I'm 35 so hopefully not right at the end of childbearing years but not peak fertility either. I am also a bit concerned about age gaps as my older ones are 5 and 3 already.

So WIBU to just commence trying as soon as I start new job (bearing in mind it would likely take a few month anyway?)

OP posts:

Turningpurple · 13/03/2022 10:48

Its up to you really. Legally they can't treat you badly if yiu get pregnant. In reality it's not always the case.

Personally, I would wait until I had been there 3-6 months, to start. That doesn't mess its the right thing. But it's what I would do.

Mushrooms0up · 13/03/2022 10:48

I’m in the same position (albeit a bit younger) and I’m planning to start TTC 6 months into new job as I’ll then be eligible for the higher mat leave pay.

Not ideal but it might not happen straightaway, and I don’t want to wait any longer and risk it not happening!

I’d regret not having kids more than annoying a new employer. Good luck!

AnotherNC22 · 13/03/2022 10:51

Have you checked the mat leave offer? At my work you have to have been employed for a year to get the enhanced mat leave pay. This would def be driving my decision on when to start TTC.

Pumpfive · 13/03/2022 10:54

Personally I wouldn't wait, my friend took 2.5 years to conceive her second. I wouldn't put my life on hold for a job.

onetwothreeadventure · 13/03/2022 10:59

Have you checked the mat leave rules? Some packages don't kick in for a year.

SazCat · 13/03/2022 11:05

I had been TTC for 4 months when I got made redundant. I got a new job straight away, and after discussing it my DH and I decided not to pause trying.

They only offered statutory pay though, you may need to be there a certain amount if time if the company offers enhanced pay!

I fell pregnant after 2 months, told them 2 months later, so I'd been there 4 months by then. They were absolutely fine about it!
By the time I went off on maternity I'd worked there for 10 months nearly.

Went back after a year off and have now been there for 6 years (not long gone back after maternity leave for my second baby).

OwlinaTree · 13/03/2022 11:06

Yes I'd aim to be there for a year before going on leave. I put off TTC for 4 months with my second as I'd got a new role and wanted to do it for a year before going off again.

Got Pg quickly once we started trying so it worked out ok for us.

There's no reason why you have to wait, but I think it helps your career. I'm sure loads will have different experiences though!

thiswillbemynamenow · 13/03/2022 11:06

Check you're contract to see if there is any timescales to access their enhanced maternity packages.
My company didn't - i could get enhanced pay immediately. so i waited 6 months, then started TTC and luckily conceived on the first month - I expected it to take at least 8 months so was shocked (and thus glad i waited six months) however, it could go the other way and you could wait and it take a while.
My work were very understanding, and happy for me as they're aware its a part of life. However not every company is like this, but legally they cant treat you badly and realistically - you're family is more important than work, so TTC and good luck!

SazCat · 13/03/2022 11:07

Oh and I was 35 the same as you, so that was part of the reason we didn't want to stop trying.
We knew we wanted a second baby too, and that ended up taking over a year including an early loss, so I'm glad we didn't wait!

Original poster

newjobnewbaby · 13/03/2022 11:21

Thanks for all the comments so far.

I am not too worried about accessing an enhanced maternity package and suspect I would need to be there a lot longer to access anyway. I should be able to save enough over course of pregnancy to make mat leave manageable on basic smp.

I suppose I am more worried about giving employer a negative view of me...

OP posts:

Mushrooms0up · 13/03/2022 11:45

@newjobnewbaby I think you run the risk it might give them a negative view, but it also might not!

And in 5/10 years you may be in a new job anyway, and I don’t think you’ll care about someone now irrelevant having a slightly negative view of you - but you’ll have your family forever x

Original poster

newjobnewbaby · 14/03/2022 13:11

thanks everyone - lots to think about. For those who think it is better to wait, does 3 months into job sound long enough? so would have worked a minimum of around a year before mat leave? That still seems an awfully long time to wait. I'm wondering if my current company would let me reduce my notice period so I could start slightly sooner but I imagine that wouldn't make more than a week or twos difference...

OP posts:

OwlinaTree · 14/03/2022 22:24

Well you don't have to wait, it's your choice. You might look back and regret waiting, you might not. You might not enjoy the job, although you do say it's a great job.

You have two children already, so although there's no guarantee, you probably have an idea about how easily you can get Pg. Also I suppose you are in a slightly different position to someone with no children, as you do have children so it's not quite the now or never it could be I suppose.

Can you start the job and see how you feel? Starting a new job is pretty stressful, you might not want to start trying and dealing with morning sickness etc on top of the steep learning curve of a new job.

Good luck whatever you choose op, I hope it works out.

SafelySoftly · 14/03/2022 22:25

For your employer not to be annoyed I’d say a minimum of 2/3 years. Presumably that won’t be an option for you.

Original poster

newjobnewbaby · 14/03/2022 22:48

@SafelySoftly wow, yeah I definitely wouldn't be planning to wait that long. Also there are plenty of people who only end up being in a role for a year or two, so I think that would be really quite unreasonable for an employer to be annoyed at someone getting pregnant after being somewhere just short of 2-3 years. Really interesting to know that some employers would feel like that though :(

OP posts:

Original poster

newjobnewbaby · 14/03/2022 22:54

@owlinatree thanks - those are all really good points and I guess whatever I think I decide now will all depend on how things go and how I feel when I start the job anyway. With my first, I got pg immediately, with my second took about 4-5 months so I'm sort of anticipating it taking at least as long as number 2, now that I'm a bit older - another reason I don't want to wait too long ... but you are right that it isn't quite the now or never as if I didn't have any children yet. And i do at least know that I can get pregnant and carry a pregnancy successfully (or at least have done in the past - of course these things can change)

OP posts:

QueenCamilla · 14/03/2022 23:53

I was TTC for close to a year and it just wasn't happening. Decided to focus on my career and a new job instead, to take the edge off trying. I fell pregnant within the first two months starting that new job...

I really did not enjoy the run up to telling my bosses (small business), I was feeling all sorts of guilty. They received the news well but it's still not the way I wanted things to pan out.
Plus, I was so, so exhausted in my pregnancy - barely staying awake - that my "stint" at the company wasn't my proudest time. I also felt being sidelined from some new exciting projects because I wouldn't be around to see them through (which is fair enough! )

All in all it was the most lovely, warm and inclusive company I've had the honour to incubate in 🤦‍♀️ I wish I could have had much more of uncompromised time there!

Cloud16 · 24/04/2022 22:48

I'm in a similar predicament. I'm new to my job, I'm planning to wait a year before trying. I'm younger though (25) but I have endo and I've never been pregnant before so I have no idea how it'll pan out.

Waiting a year means enhanced maternity which is the incentive for me tbh and also I worry people will judge me for being young for some reason, as my colleagues have first babies at 40 (but I'm being ridiculous and they don't know I have endo and DR told me to try sooner rather than later!!).

At 35, I think I'd just start trying and if it's a good company, they'll understand. Good luck OP.

Callernumber7 · 23/10/2022 06:16

Good luck OP! I'm reading this with interest as I'm in quite a similar predicament too: I'm being made redundant as my company is downsizing and we were just about to start ttc for DC2 (DS1 is 2)! I will be 37 in Jan so feel there is not too much spare time for me to wait to ttc.

Not sure what I will do, but I think that I won't wait very long as my family is ultimately more of a priority for me personally right now than my career. It's not ideal, but we could manage on statutory and DHs wage for a year.

I'm aware that this is perhaps not the most helpful attitude to an employer, and I will try to do my very best in the time I am there (providing I can get a new job and get preg again 🙈) but I think I will regret not ttc more than annoying an employer.

I really don't want them to make things unpleasant for me while I work there (especially as I won't really have the luxury to leave/look for a new job while visibly preg) - but then again, it would be illegal on their side to discriminate against someone for being pregnant....

I became pregnant with DC1 very shortly after starting in a new company (the one which is downsizing now!) And they were fine about it....

It makes me a little sad, and I sometimes think that being a mum and having a career (especially one where you tend to only be in roles for a 1-3 years) are not a very good mix! :-(

nutbrownhare15 · 23/10/2022 06:47

How much annual leave do you have to take, could that be rolled into your notice
period so you start a bit earlier. Don't assume re when the maternity benefits kick in, it's worth checking and factoring it in as it it will make a big difference financially. For my job you just had to not be pregnant when you started, essentially.

DeannaFromHumanResources · 23/10/2022 07:28

Go for it, I wouldn’t put my life on hold for my job as if they were looking at reducing their workforce they wouldn’t give their employees personal circumstances a second thought.

MMoon23 · 23/10/2022 08:07

My employer was annoyed and treated me badly even though I had been working there for 2 years before my baby was born, and my job was in HR. Sometimes you just can’t win, predict or control other peoples reactions, so do what’s best for you!! Especially if you can manage with the money, go for it xx good luck

TheKeatingFive · 23/10/2022 08:16

It took me over a year to conceive my second at that age. I wouldn't wait. What if you need help to conceive? Better to find that out sooner rather than later.

There's no magical moment where they definitely won't be annoyed. They may be great about it, they may not, who knows?

Thing is, they wouldn't hesitate to get rid of you (in a more general sense) if it suited their interests, so I would be prioritising my own life goals, personally.

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