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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

thread for those interested in refugee hosting/sponsorship

1003 replies

EezyOozy · 13/03/2022 07:37

I thought I would start a new thread about this as I have just heard on BBC news that they are opening up a web form tomorrow to express interest. Apparently families/households can claim £350 a month (I assume for increased expenses) and refugees will be eligible to claim or benefits and work. We have large a spare room but live rurally so whilst I will express interest I'm not sure we will be taken up on it.

I thought I would start a new thread for those who are interested and to follow the progress of the registration procedure/how this pans out in practice.

Posted here because it's the only place I know gets plenty traffic, I will probably be asking for this to be moved but don't know where to.

OP posts:
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6
Kendodd · 13/03/2022 11:45

@LizDoingTheCanCan

Can you imagine meeting some random on Facebook and offering for them to come stay in your home for six months?

We have been hosting random strangers from the internet for no money for years. Usually small families, sometimes couples occasionally singles. They stay in our spare bedroom (with own bathroom) and without exception have all been lovely, never had a negative experience. People usually stay two nights, max three and we had people (before covid) about two or three times a year. We've had people from all over the world stay. Most people in the world are lovely.
This isn't any criticism of you or anyone else not wanting to host people, it's not for everyone, we like meeting new and different people though.

www.couchsurfing.com/

forinborin · 13/03/2022 11:45

We did take in 10,000 unaccompanied children in WWII (although children alone are different thing than whole families, men, etc ) and are a welcoming nation for others so I only point out the issues above because they are important, not to put people off.
It wasn't free though, was it? Around £4K per child in today's prices, or thereabouts?

MrsLargeEmbodied · 13/03/2022 11:48

open up the oligarch's houses in london

no criticism should be aimed at those who do not take in refugees however

LizDoingTheCanCan · 13/03/2022 11:50

People usually stay two nights, max three and we had people (before covid) about two or three times a year.

Couchsurfing is a world away from hosting a refugee for a minimum of six months.

This is my concern, well meaning people thinking it will be a bit of fun, or like something from the Railway Children(!). Financially, practically, and emotionally, that jolliness will wear away quite quickly.

Thehistorygirls · 13/03/2022 11:54

We are considering it. My concern (I started a separate thread on it yesterday) was that our garden room doesn’t have planning permission to be used as a dwelling and whether this would be a barrier? Seems ridiculous if it would as it’s a lovely comfortable room with own toilet and shower. And in London.

Stroppypeople · 13/03/2022 11:54

@Sometimeswinning

Very different response from the public and government to the people that were crossing the channel in small boats

This comes up every thread and it ends up being derailed. Can you not just leave people to do what they want and to help who they want.

The op will say they were considering doing it anyway, someone else will say they have been doing it for years, then another comment about how they empathise/relate more because they are European/mainly women and children and someone will rock up and tell everyone they are racist!

@Sometimeswinning….brilliant summary . You saved me the job!🙄
Kendodd · 13/03/2022 11:58

Couchsurfing is a world away from hosting a refugee for a minimum of six months.
I know. My point was about letting random people in your house.

flounfer · 13/03/2022 11:58

I agree with the pps that I'm concerned with single men happy to have a women come & play house or worse for them.

Evoll671 · 13/03/2022 12:01

I'd consider it but I'm thinking of practicalities such as cooking/washing/childcare. My husband and I sometimes work intonthe evenings out of the house so would be unable to guarantee we could cook for them each night. If they find work would we be expected to provide childcare? Provide lifts when they want to go out?
A minimum of 6 months is quite a decent length of time and I'm just wondering how it'd work in practice - they pitch in either things like cooking/washing up or do we do everything for them?

daisypond · 13/03/2022 12:02

This is my concern, well meaning people thinking it will be a bit of fun, or like something from the Railway Children(!). Financially, practically, and emotionally, that jolliness will wear away quite quickly.

That was me who made that comment- but purely to indicate that they did it for free.
I’ve hosted homeless people in distress a few times - they have stayed between six months to a year. So I do know what I’m talking about a bit. Not war traumatised obviously. And we don’t have a spare room or a second bathroom. I know it’s not all jollies.

elfycat · 13/03/2022 12:13

We're considering it. No benefits and own the house outright so no need to worry about those implications. Walking distance to a small town centre with good road/bus/rail links.

We considered fostering a few years ago and went on the initial assessment courses, so have already considered housing children with trauma (we didn't in the end because our DDs were very young and we felt they might not be able to express any issues they had, but they're secondary school aged now and this isn't a problem). I know this will be a commitment and I'm not looking at it with rose-tinted spectacles. But rather from an empathic 'if this was me and mine' needing help what would that look like.

RewildingAmbridge · 13/03/2022 12:13

If we didn't have DS I would, but we have grandparents here to care for him some of the week and both DH and I work/have worked with those who've experienced extreme trauma. It presents differently in different people and whilst we would cope with that I wouldn't deliberately expose a 3 year old to that uncertainty. We also both WFH one day a week with highly confidential and sensitive information, so there would be two weekdays they couldn't be in the house, which seems very unfair

Figmentofmyimagination · 13/03/2022 12:17

I agree that you’d need explicit consent from your home insurance provider. We insure through the coop. It will be interesting to see their stance. One hopes that given the coop's purpose and mission, they will neither ban nor increase premiums, assuming this is the only thing that is changing in the risk profile.

LottyD32 · 13/03/2022 12:18

@Evoll671

I'd consider it but I'm thinking of practicalities such as cooking/washing/childcare. My husband and I sometimes work intonthe evenings out of the house so would be unable to guarantee we could cook for them each night. If they find work would we be expected to provide childcare? Provide lifts when they want to go out? A minimum of 6 months is quite a decent length of time and I'm just wondering how it'd work in practice - they pitch in either things like cooking/washing up or do we do everything for them?
Of course they pitch in, why wouldn't they? Confused
EezyOozy · 13/03/2022 12:26

Good point about home insurance !

OP posts:
LadyTwinkle · 13/03/2022 12:27

@workwoes123

I think it's a terrible idea. The money should be used to provide mass accommodation in neutral spaces - repurposed offices, gyms, hotels and b&bs etc. It's going to be a safeguarding nightmare. Handing out money to random people to house vulnerable women and children? It's insane, the potential for abuse is huge.
I 100% agree with this. I'm all for helping out the refugees, but I too think it would be better to house them in a neutral location with other people from their community. Student Halls of residence would be a good place to requisition and repurpose, and are usually in city centres. I think it's a lovely idea to want to house refugees, but if I'd lost everything the last thing I'd want is to be is separated from other people of my community. Be alone in a foreign country where I don't speak the language, and have to feel perpetually on edge and grateful for someone taking me in. At the very least it's going to lead to serious resentment and at the worst it's open to abuse.
forinborin · 13/03/2022 12:31

Just a video shared with me today that I liked, and even cried. Wanted to add a humane dimension to this discussion, not just about benefits / stranger danger / cultural conflicts.

Gotajobthrunepotism · 13/03/2022 12:32

The difference between being willing to help Ukrainian and other refugees is that I would not be happy with a man who is not related or a close friend to stay overnight in my house

TheBareTree · 13/03/2022 12:36

@LadyTwinkle
Where would all the students go?

MargaretThursday · 13/03/2022 12:37

@daisypond

This is my concern, well meaning people thinking it will be a bit of fun, or like something from the Railway Children(!). Financially, practically, and emotionally, that jolliness will wear away quite quickly.

That was me who made that comment- but purely to indicate that they did it for free.
I’ve hosted homeless people in distress a few times - they have stayed between six months to a year. So I do know what I’m talking about a bit. Not war traumatised obviously. And we don’t have a spare room or a second bathroom. I know it’s not all jollies.

Total derail, but we can't know they did it for free. It's narrated by Bobby, and she wouldn't have known if there was a small financial arrangement there, because I'd very much doubt that her Mother would have mentioned it-money was definitely not something a lady would discuss!

I do agree with Daisypond though.
I don't have concerns people will do it for the money-£350/month is not going to be enough to tempt people.
But I would be pretty certain that there will be some people who will see it as a "safe" way to get a vulnerable lady or child into their house for the wrong reasons.
I also, from looking at comments on here, am also fairly sure that a lot of people are not going into it with their eyes open. You may be, and you do sound like you have some experience, but the majority won't have any experience.

Someone on here said they didn't think they'd be very traumatised because they'd left before the bombing started, for example. Well, even assuming they had left before they saw anything, I think I'd be fairly traumatised if I'd suddenly had to pack up my family with what I could carry, leave my house, my country, and dh and possibly ds and other relations, with a serious prospect of never seeing them again or going back.

I do think if this scheme is to work, then there needs to be a good support network both for the evacuees and the host families. Somewhere where they both can raise concerns, ask for help, talk to other people who have experience.
Who's going to get the children into school for example? Is that going to be left up to Ukrainian mums, or the host families? What if there's no local school places, who does it fall on to get the children to the school 2 miles in the wrong direction for their own school?

I think part of it is that taking a family into your own house is very obvious and visible help. With this scheme maybe they shouldn't just be asking for host families, but people who might be prepared to do other things that are valuable but haven't been publicised.
On the school front, what about people to help sort out schools, drive/take children to schools, help with homework, help with English, provide school uniforms etc. Boring but necessary stuff that involves giving time, effort, but not as much kudos.

I know from working with volunteers that people are far more inclined to put themselves forward for the ones which can be seen. The reason is fairly simple-because it's seen people know it's something where help is needed. Most of the people are very happy when you say "that isn't needed, but what is really needed is someone to quietly sort this in the back room" to get on and do it-they just didn't realise that back room work was needed.

MrsSkylerWhite · 13/03/2022 12:38

No because bluntly £350 wouldn’t cover a family’s expenses for a month in our draughty old house. We hosted German A level students several years ago and they paid £500 each month then.

All the best to everyone who does though.

Thewolvesarerunningagain · 13/03/2022 12:41

@MrsLargeEmbodied

open up the oligarch's houses in london

no criticism should be aimed at those who do not take in refugees however

This absolutely!!! But in the meantime (I live in hope!) I’d be interested to find out if I could make this work. We do have a spare room (currently DHs office for WFH but we can shift round) But our house is big, messy. We have cats, dog, 2 kids. We live in a town where a refugee would find lots of support and resources though and there is a strong but small Ukrainian expat community to link into for support. I guess I’ll have to check it out tomorrow but Im definitely hopeful I can help.
Stroppypeople · 13/03/2022 12:43

I definitely think this has not been properly thought through by the government. Surely it would make more sense for these poor people to be housed in empty hotels,hospitals,offices ,nightingale hospitals that were never used. In that way they are living amongst others who they can relate too.
Then we could help provide clothing ,furnishing ,support workers and volunteers to assist. Local villages and towns could set up toddler groups ,soup kitchens etc.
This surely would be safer for these poor traumatised people who need protection from traffickers,drug dealers and general weirdos who could prey on these vulnerable people.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 13/03/2022 12:53

Nightingale hospital sounds a great idea,
not exactly homely though

Hshuznw · 13/03/2022 12:54

What were people’s experiences when hosting Syrian, Iraqi and Afghan refugees?

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