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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU?

23 replies

SummersBreeze · 13/03/2022 01:39

I was going to do an online clothes shop for some things. I was looking to buy online from asda. My mom wanted to buy online earlier in the week but from Tesco but I always have problems with their clothing site so I don't buy online from Tesco. My mom doesn't use the internet and she doesn't even have a bank account or card so she gets me to help her when she wants things. Generally what happens is that I order and then she eventually pays me back for anything she orders through me.

I asked my mom if she wanted anything and she wanted to have a look at the section for Men's socks. So I showed her. So she wants to buy socks for my brother who's not a kid anymore. He's well over a decade gone into adulthood now at this stage and yet there's so much my mom does for him. My mom requested a 10 pack of socks × 3. She didn't even ask me if I had enough money for her purchase of socks.

I can afford 1 pack of 10 socks to add on top of my few bits but I can't stretch the purchase to 3 packs. Unless if she wants to pay me up front and not leave me hanging for weeks for a payment.

WIBU to tell a white lie here. Order 1 pack of socks and tell a white lie and say they were low in stock and out of stock after 1 pack?

OP posts:
Domino20 · 13/03/2022 01:41

Perhaps they've completely sold out? Not even 1 pack available?
YANBU

Zapx · 13/03/2022 01:41

Can you ask her for the money up front?

fourandnomore · 13/03/2022 01:44

Your plan is ideal, also no one needs 30 pairs of socks so you’ll be doing everyone a favour!

RaisingLOML · 13/03/2022 02:02

Why can’t you just say you can’t afford it without the money upfront? Ask for the money then order it. You asked if your mum wanted anything don’t offer if you’re not going to order what she wants regardless who it’s for.

Flowermouse · 13/03/2022 02:14

30 pairs of socks? Is he a sock-puppeteer?!

Tell her you need the money upfront or say they didn’t arrive in the order. YANBU.

steff13 · 13/03/2022 04:35

Just tell her you can't afford it.

MerryPoppings · 13/03/2022 04:49

Why can't you just tell her the truth?

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 13/03/2022 05:13

You are presumably an adult. Your mother is an adult. Just say hi mum, I will buy the socks if you can please give me the money upfront as I can't afford them otherwise. Thanks!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/03/2022 05:26

Just ask her to pay up front and say you can't afford it...? Really don't understand the issue here.

NumberTheory · 13/03/2022 06:21

Tell her your brother can buy his own socks.

WhenDovesFly · 13/03/2022 06:50

I'd offer to buy one pack and be honest and say you can't afford to fund three packs up front. Also mention that no-one needs 30 pairs of socks, so hopefully it won't be an issue.

Fairyliz · 13/03/2022 06:53

She’s your mum. You are close enough to her to do her ordering why not just say you can’t afford to pay up front?
It’s not like you are being rude saying that.

Balanced12 · 13/03/2022 06:56

Complete non-issue just say you need the money up front

DysmalRadius · 13/03/2022 06:59

Completely beside the point, but where are you that tesco still has a clothing site?

itsneilthebaby · 13/03/2022 07:00

@DysmalRadius

Completely beside the point, but where are you that tesco still has a clothing site?
I was wondering this too! Was so disappointed when they went to store only
Idontevenknow · 13/03/2022 07:01

I think YABU just because you are an adult and should be able to tell her the truth.

Somuddled · 13/03/2022 07:36

Just tell her. Or tell your brother, surely he will agree that it is odd for your mum to buy him socks via you?!

Original poster
SummersBreeze · 13/03/2022 08:55

@DysmalRadius

Completely beside the point, but where are you that tesco still has a clothing site?
This. Tesco clothing doesn't work for me any more. It's been years and I was so disappointed when they went offline.

My mom asked me during the week, how long will a parcel come from tesco and I asked her to explain further because the Tesco groceries don't deliver parcels and there's no online option for clothing anymore. (She's on a mission that I didn't know about) and already she started launching at me and barking at me because Tesco wasn't available online almost as if I was responsible for taking tescos clothes offline.

OP posts:
Original poster
SummersBreeze · 13/03/2022 08:58

In an ideal work I would be able to be honest with my mom but she is on a mission to get socks for my brother and nothing else is going to matter right now. She's someone who's not able to understand life beyond her son. She's not going to care about me and whatever budget that I have. All she wants right now are socks for her son and I'm going to pay for them. If that means leaving myself short, so be it. I found out over the years, it's easier to lie to this woman instead of explaining myself.

OP posts:
DysmalRadius · 14/03/2022 09:35

Wow - it sounds like she is a source of stress rather than support, so is there any benefit to you to having her in your life? It's not much of a relationship if you have to lie to her about the simplest things just to placate her because of her irrational issues, so perhaps it's time to stop offering, stop accommodating her and let her sort out her own shopping if she can't even be civil to you.

I'm sorry - it's really tough when you want a 'normal' relationship with a parent who simply isn't capable of it, but I think you have to do what you can to protect yourself from the negative impact of her input into your life.

YellowPlant · 14/03/2022 10:14

I asked my mom if she wanted anything
Well stop doing this a for starters. It’s negatively impacting what sounds like already a fairly difficult relationship.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 14/03/2022 10:21

You can't ask if there is anything she wants, then lie because you don't approve (justifiably) / can't afford (understandably) to get what she has asked for. Just tell her the truth - if you want anything mum, you'll have to give me the money when / before I check out, as I can't afford to outstand the money.

Cruisebabe1 · 04/10/2022 20:20

SummersBreeze · 13/03/2022 01:39

I was going to do an online clothes shop for some things. I was looking to buy online from asda. My mom wanted to buy online earlier in the week but from Tesco but I always have problems with their clothing site so I don't buy online from Tesco. My mom doesn't use the internet and she doesn't even have a bank account or card so she gets me to help her when she wants things. Generally what happens is that I order and then she eventually pays me back for anything she orders through me.

I asked my mom if she wanted anything and she wanted to have a look at the section for Men's socks. So I showed her. So she wants to buy socks for my brother who's not a kid anymore. He's well over a decade gone into adulthood now at this stage and yet there's so much my mom does for him. My mom requested a 10 pack of socks × 3. She didn't even ask me if I had enough money for her purchase of socks.

I can afford 1 pack of 10 socks to add on top of my few bits but I can't stretch the purchase to 3 packs. Unless if she wants to pay me up front and not leave me hanging for weeks for a payment.

WIBU to tell a white lie here. Order 1 pack of socks and tell a white lie and say they were low in stock and out of stock after 1 pack?

my mother used to do this- had to refuse because she was so tight with money. Apparently it was my duty to do this( and pay)

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