Visiting seriously ill baby

[Dotty08]

Hello,
My baby girl had open heart surgery 8 weeks ago and is now mostly recovered. She is stable but still seriously ill and will need more open heart surgery in the coming months.
She’s been in and out of hospital the majority of her short life. When first out of hospital we had some visitors but because of how sick she’s been and with covid and other viruses about we’ve not been able to see people.
Some of her medical team have advised isolating is best and others say it’s down to us.
My mum and step dad have also been isolating so that they can see DD.
My mother and father in law on the other hand are out at the pub, theatre, on holiday abroad etc., yet still expect to see DD and make me feel as though I am being very unreasonable not allowing this.
AIBU not letting them? It’s getting very uncomfortable now.
I don’t see that we can isolate forever but then I don’t know that I’ll feel ok letting people who are being careless near my baby. They’ve never bothered with Covid restrictions, masks etc. And they seem ignorant to how unwell DD really is. Their attitude is it will be ok.. they take no interest in her care and needs. I’ve tried to explain her condition and they don’t care.
It’s not just Covid we have to worry about it’s colds, flus and any virus really.
What would you do in my position?

Get a consultants letter and send it to them

I’d probably accept that I’ve explained it well enough to them but for whatever reason they still don’t believe they need to take precautions, and not allow them to visit.

They might be huffy about it but you have to protect the baby as a priority. They’ll get over it in no time.

Your baby has already had open heart surgery and she’s only 8 weeks old. If that doesn’t get through your inlaws thick skulls I’m not sure anything will. If they can still be that self centred and not see things from your point of view and wanting to keep your very vulnerable child safe then fuck them and their feelings. They’d be lucky to see my baby on zoom with the way they’re behaving.

No no no no no no no
you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable. Small babies can become seriously ill very quickly, even those who haven't had major surgery.
Please keep these selfish and entitled people far far away from your beautiful precious daughter x

Nope. Your baby, your choice. My baby was medically extremely vulnerable and died after catching a cold from a stupid friend who came to our house when he was ill. It’s an extreme example but it does happen. Do whatever you think is necessary to protect her.

Congratulations on your baby girl- I’m glad her surgery went well and wish her the best for the future.

You are being sensible and protecting your baby! There are so many viruses out there that
It wouldn’t even matter if covid wasn’t around,I’d make people isolate in normal times too before seeing her!
Are you comfortable to say no to them seeing her? Would your partner be able to speak to them about it?
You could invite them to stand in the window but I’d worry theh would ignore it and try get in your house!

Yanbu. Stand your ground. She will eventually be well enough, if they don't want to isolate or take precautions, they'll have to wait.

YANBU at all. You've posted about them before haven't you? I can't believe they still don't get it. Could you get a letter from your GP or specialist that spells it out in detail? You shouldn't have to of course. They're doing a good job of ruining the relationship between you all and ensuring they don't have a close relationship with your daughter even when she's bigger and stronger. Infuriating.

(And I had a baby in summer 2020 who had lots of cuddles and kisses from her grandparents - but this is not that and they need to realise it.)

AIBU not letting them? It’s getting very uncomfortable now.

Isn't the simplest thing to say that you have firm medical advice that she mustn't be in contact with anyone who hasn't been isolating? After all, infection numbers are going up again. And, when they push, keep repeating that it's fine for them to see her IF they can demonstrate that they've been isolating and if they take all the necessary precautions.

Omg Rrrob

YANBU at all op. Your in-laws can get stuffed as far as I’m concerned.

Do whatever you need to do to keep your baby safe and don't give a fuck who it upsets. I had 2 babies I had to shield for their first year due to health issues, they only met a couple of close family members. We then went into COVID and now they're 3 and still haven't met many family members, it's sad but at least they're alive.

You and DH need to keep repeating the same line. Consult says it's not safe. Feel free to shout at them if they continue. You are your babies defense here.

I am very pro let's get back to normal and all that jazz but this is a baby that is ecv and has had heart surgery so YADNBU, fuck them.

@Moodycow78

Do whatever you need to do to keep your baby safe and don't give a fuck who it upsets. I had 2 babies I had to shield for their first year due to health issues, they only met a couple of close family members. We then went into COVID and now they're 3 and still haven't met many family members, it's sad but at least they're alive.

Yeah it takes a while to get your head around becoming a mother especially when your child is ill and you are feeling vulnerable and scared. But you are just right in your instincts, your job is to protect your baby and if someone puts her at risk being polite and all the rest of it goes out the window. Fuck them.