To be so stressed about operation!

[flyingumbrellas]

Hi everyone,

I'm an emotional wreck these days. I've lost both of my lovely parents in the last 7 years. Then, in Jan I got ill and eventually found out this is because I have a premalignant, massive tumour growing on my pancreas. I've had to stop working because it's causing bad symptoms (breathlessness, stomach pain, dizziness, exhaustion). This has made me feel like a failure. I love my job (teaching) but just can't do it right now. The GP just signed me off, told me 'You need to spend time with your family. ' Some friends tell me be positive because it's not cancer, and I agree and feel very grateful it was found when it was, but I'm still terrified about losing half my pancreas and my spleen. I also have PCOS that causes major hirsutism and am distraught as after my splenectomy I'll have to take daily antibiotics forever and this means I can't have laser treatment for my facial hair, which is awful if left unlasered. I'm also petrified I'll get diabetes now, both parents had it and it wrecked their health so much. Today my symptoms were horrendous and I couldn't do much. I was looking after dd alone who is 10. I felt so bad, I couldn't do much with her today, just Ieft her to do craft etc in living room while I rested. I feel so useless and angry at myself. Dh was at work. He is kind and a great Dad to our dd but I'm worried dd will give him a tough time when I'm in hospital (could be there upto 2 weeks), as she's already being cheeky and proper tweenage mood swings and defiance going on. Today was a bad day and hopefully tomorrow will be better but I'm feeling so sad about everything. Doctors are saying this tumour is just bad luck and it's not my fault I've got it, but I have a high BMI and just feel so angry at myself about it. I walk everyday now and am not snacking in between meals anymore. I now need to work on smaller portion sizes and better food choices in my meals (which are healthy in the main, but I think my portions are the issue). I think I'm just tired and after having 4 vaccines the last fortnight and ongoing nausea caused by this tumour. I don't want this surgery as it's major but I have to, I've got no choice. I'm scared though and just want my life back. Sorry to moan x Just petrified. Thank you for listening x Am correctly on anti depressants and seeing psychologist at hospital on Tues, to discuss these issues.

my operation is a distal pancreatectomy and spleenectomy....has anyone else had any experience of these? or pancreatic issues in general?

It's very wearing having an on-going illness and it can be so hard to stay positive. But you're getting treatment, it's luckily not malignant, and you will get over this and get better.

Your daughter is probably acting up as she's worried about you, so if you explain that you are sick now but will be better after the op, she may act out less.

My mum was in hospital for a week when i was about 7 - i still remember having all that time with my dad, and eating lots of chips, but in a way it was a special time, we all pulled together, and did a huge tidy the day before my mum came home from hospital. Your daughter and husband will hopefully have this same bonding time while you're in hospital, and it will help their relationship. You and he need to be open and honest with your daughter - you're sick and have no energy, which is awful for all of you, but you'll have an operation and start to get better, and they can help each other when you're in hospital.

And don't blame yourself, or your BMI, for your condition - it's not your fault that you're sick. It is really bad luck that you developed a tumor, it's not your fault. You can use this to kick start a healthier diet, so something positive comes of it, but your doctors have told you that it's not your fault, so you need to go easier on yourself.

I don't have any personal experience of spleen or pancreas conditions, but i do have a cousin who had to have his spleen removed after a car accident and it hasn't changed his life style at all - he has a job with lots of travel and a great social life. I'm sure people with personal experience of your conditions will be along to give you advice.

About the facial hair, i have a fair bit, especially with peri-menopause. My hairs are 90% fair but bristly, and as they're fair i can't get electrolisis, but there are lots of other options - depilatory creams for the face are great - even for the witchiest hairs! - and tweezing is oddly satisfying, while shaving is not ideal as it all grows back at the same time but i've done it a few times... It's all manageable.

And you're not a failure for being sick, bodies are not machines and they do go wrong, it's not a moral weakness to be ill.

@flyingumbrellas

my operation is a distal pancreatectomy and spleenectomy....has anyone else had any experience of these? or pancreatic issues in general?

I had a distal pancreatomy and splenectomy as part of a larger operation due to a rare cancer 3 and a half years ago. Overall I had 7 organs or parts of organs removed including half my bowel. Recovery was fairly quick considering everything and my length and quality of life is much improved with the pain gone. I would likely not be around now if not for the op and I'm grateful every day for the extra time and opportunities I have now. I am 'supposed' to be on daily antibiotics forever but have chosen not to as they make me feel sick. I only took them for about 5 weeks and stopped. My specialist says his official recommendation is to take them but he has lots of patients who don't and who lead perfectly healthy lives. I haven't been sick since having my spleen out and managed all 3 COVID vaccines without any symptoms. There's a perception of asplenic people being completely vulnerable to every bug going around but I've been fine. Interestingly my FIL also has no spleen (accident as a kid) and has rarely ever had even a cold. (Obviously this is all anecdotal and I don't pretend to be giving medical advice but that's my experience.) Good luck with it all .. I hope you'll be relieved afterwards and free if pain. I always tell people that as long as I get to live, I can live with whatever comes next.

*pancreatectomy .. my autocorrect does not like medical words!