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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to handle this situation?

26 replies

missbipolar · 12/03/2022 18:07

So I'm currently in hospital on one to one care. It's mostly security personal doing the watching and they tend to be male. I'm female and on a female bay. The one to ones have been sitting at the entrance to the bay (my beds by the entrance) rather then in the bay it's self. One of the patients has been very vocal about this set up although hasn't actually complained to the staff just to me and the other patients. Its making me feel so awkward! I don't have a one to one by choice and if it were up to me I'd go home. So how do I handle this patients comments? It's really getting me down!

OP posts:

PeacefulPrune · 12/03/2022 18:09

Sorry what does a one to one entail?

amoobaa · 12/03/2022 18:12

Is your one to one not responding or doing anything when she complains? I would have hoped that they would be discussing it with you to make sure you’re ok and see how you want the situation dealt with. Or perhaps you can speak to the hospital staff and let them know what’s happening so they can deal with the other patient? Sorry you’re in this situation

Original poster

missbipolar · 12/03/2022 18:15

They're just here to make sure I don't self harm so it's literally just watching me and taking me off the ward to vape.

They've asked if I'm OK when we've been out of the ward but aren't intervening when shes talking about the situation, we're both in for a few days which makes it worse!

OP posts:

CannaBelieve · 12/03/2022 18:21

Just tell her yourself to be quiet?

GeneLovesJezebel · 12/03/2022 18:23

Have you told the staff that these comments are ramping up your anxiety ?

LizDoingTheCanCan · 12/03/2022 18:23

The person observing you will not get involved with other patients, as that means they're not focused on keeping you safe.

All you can do is ignore the other person. Have you got any headphones, or anything to distract you?

Ponoka7 · 12/03/2022 18:25

If you can't tell her yourself, then tell the Nurse/ward manager.

drawingpad · 12/03/2022 18:29

@CannaBelieve

Just tell her yourself to be quiet?

I think you can get a prize for this ignorance. Can you really not imagine that perhaps someone who is being watched over in case they hurt themselves isn't in the strongest place mentally to speak up and advocate for themselves?

Original poster

missbipolar · 12/03/2022 18:29

Unfortunately I'm not allowed my headphones even with the one to one (I don't have wireless and am classed as a ligature risk, they've even taken the nurse call bell and any other wires/tubes)

I've asked her to stop making comments once and her reply was that I shouldn't even be here as I'm not actually sick.

I'm trying to be sympathetic as I know there could be a reason she's uncomfortable with a man always around but there's nothing I can do to change the situation.

OP posts:

Somuddled · 12/03/2022 18:30

Vocal because they are uncomfortable with it being a male? I can understand that. Just get hold of the medical staff and explain that one of the other patients is uncomfortable and they should talk to her to find a solution.

Original poster

missbipolar · 12/03/2022 18:37

I think she feels like she's being watched as well rather then it being a male as such. But they're sit with the chair pointing towards my bed and wouldn't be able to see her bed very easily from their angle

OP posts:

WonderfulYou · 12/03/2022 18:40

I understand why she’s uncomfortable with a man being on an all female ward - however that’s not your problem.

The only thing you can do is speak to the staff and ask if there’s a female one to one as it’s making some women uncomfortable.

Blueeilidh · 12/03/2022 18:42

Speak to either the one to one or a nurse or doctor to explain how it is making you feel.

Original poster

missbipolar · 12/03/2022 18:43

I asked about a female initially because that would of been my preference but was told there aren't really any female security guards. They're trying to be respectful as possible when they're were 2 of them they sat by my bed with the curtain mostly pulled but because there's only one now they aren't allowed to do that.

OP posts:

notthatonethisone · 12/03/2022 18:46

I would get your one to one to call a doctor or nurse and explain the situation.

It's not your fault. I understand the woman might have issues. But she shouldn't be directing them at you

Explain it is clearly making you more distressed. As it would anyone.

Original poster

missbipolar · 12/03/2022 18:54

I've just had a word with the nurse, they're aware of the comments but said they can't move either of us. If it continues they'll have a word with her but they weren't particularly helpful tbh.

OP posts:

WonderfulYou · 12/03/2022 19:07

Are there any mixed sex wards you can move to?

I would definitely speak to the staff.
It might be shuffling people about so they have more privacy and feel less vulnerable.

Original poster

missbipolar · 12/03/2022 19:09

The ward itself is a mixed ward it just has single sex bays within that as far as I know there's no mixed sex bays in the hospital

OP posts:

poodlepoop · 12/03/2022 19:13

I can't see how it's any different to a male visitor during the day (when we were allowed visitors!)

I had a stay with a person who had a one to one and it drove me potty - they also sat by the entrance and kept opening the door at night letting light in, they played on their phone loudly and used the patients toilet. They also because they were sat by the entrance didn't really move when someone needed to get to the loo (also by the entrance)

not saying that yours is doing any of that I hope you can find a solution, why can't they sit by your bed? If the curtains drawn back then it isn't any different to a visitor

blinder · 12/03/2022 19:24

That is a shitty situation for you OP. I can see why the other patient is frustrated with there being a male security person in the room, but there’s nothing you can do about it.

I don’t really have a solution other than to say, I feel for you. You must have come from a difficult experience even prior to this, and you probably need some peace and quiet. I just hope the other patient gets discharged soon!

Original poster

missbipolar · 12/03/2022 19:46

Thankfully they aren't doing any of that! They're actually being really respectful- and keeping out of the way mostly. The only time they've been a little disruptive was last night when I attempted to ligature in the bathrooms and even then it was the Dr's that made more noise. And her complaining started before that.

OP posts:

FateHasRedesignedMost · 13/03/2022 10:43

Can you ask for a side room? Or tell her to take her complaints to the nursing staff, not you. It’s not your fault!

I understand she feels uncomfortable with male security guards in the bay, but many HCAs and nurses are male too and would be doing one-to-ones.

Hopefully you won’t need to be on a 1:1 for long. Maybe she’s secretly a bit envious as feels you’re getting more attention? Hope you get well soon.

BananaBlue · 13/03/2022 11:05

No advice, but I’m sorry OP and hope you get the help you need/want.

Original poster

missbipolar · 13/03/2022 12:32

The comments are still coming, she's been spoken to twice now (by the nurse that was on last night and the sister on this morning) she seems to think it's unnecessary because I'm allowed to leave to the ward but I'm on a two to one to leave so don't do it very often (maybe every 3 hours) she keeps saying I'm not sick so shouldn't be here which I guess is true in a way I'm not "sick" to be in this hospital but there's no beds in a psych ward so this is where I have to stay. No option of a side room unfortunately.

OP posts:

notthatonethisone · 13/03/2022 13:11

So sorry you're still putting up with this shit

Every time. Literally every time she makes a comment get someone over. Say it's massively effecting you

If no joy I'd ask to speak to PALs.

This is something that is having a direct impact on your mental well being

Whilst I had some sympathy for her at the start I think she's being vindictive now. Sorry to hear you're still getting it. She's probably thinking you're weak so she can get away with it. Bullies always do

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