Aibu maid of honour

[noseypotter95]

Hello.

I'll keep this short.
I have no idea what I need to be doing as maid of honour so I've asked her about ideas for her wedding, what she's planning and hen ideas to make sure I get it right for her and most of the time she just replies "my sister is sorting that" or I then find things out from others regarding the wedding that I know nothing about, I'm not saying I must know everything but I thought my job as maid of honour was to help her with this.
Her and the other bridesmaids also plan things without me a lot. So am I being unreasonable thinking her sister should just be her maid of honour?
I don't want to upset her but also feel like she's regretting asking me and wishes she'd asked her sister?

Ask her outright

Sound Iike you've got best of both worlds though. Being titled maid of honour and not having to do anything...what's wrong with that?

@Baaaa

Ask her outright

She's a bit of a bridezilla and I don't want to upset her if she genuinely wants me as maid of honour

Bridesmaids were only meant to show up and help the bride dress on the morning.

It’s only recently (mainly American tv shows) that there’s an expectation of being all involved.

Rick up - ware the dress!

Seriously just say I am absolutely delighted to be tour maid of honor but if you want me to swap with your sister just say.

Is she being a bridezilla if she had made you MoH but actually isn’t expecting you to run around and do things? Bridesmaid/moh etc are all only really honorary titles, it’s her job to plan her own wedding and she’s just cracking on with that.

@luxxlisbon

Is she being a bridezilla if she had made you MoH but actually isn’t expecting you to run around and do things? Bridesmaid/moh etc are all only really honorary titles, it’s her job to plan her own wedding and she’s just cracking on with that.

It's the not including me that is upsetting when she's including everyone else. She isn't planning the wedding on her own she is planning with the lots of other bridesmaids. I just feel a bit redundant after being so excited to be her maid of honour at the beginning.

Tell her that you're feeling a bit useless and reallly want to help out more and whether she expects you to do something you're not currently doing or whether she's happy with what you're doing.

Make it very much about you wanting to live up to the expectation she has and wanting to make her happy and not being sure how. Don't blame anyone for not knowing. Blame yourself for not being sure how to approach it, as you've not done it before.

Don't make it about you and being left out of stuff.

I’m not sure she sounds like a bridezilla, she’s quite happy, it’s you who’s complaining about not being involved enough in someone else’s wedding. I’d just say look I feel like I’m not doing much, can I help out more please? I can’t see how that could be offensive, and hopefully she takes you up on the offer.

@popwithit

Tell her that you're feeling a bit useless and reallly want to help out more and whether she expects you to do something you're not currently doing or whether she's happy with what you're doing.

Make it very much about you wanting to live up to the expectation she has and wanting to make her happy and not being sure how. Don't blame anyone for not knowing. Blame yourself for not being sure how to approach it, as you've not done it before.

We did sit down and talk about it recently but she wasn't very talkative about it. I explained how I was feeling but it was useless. Maybe I should try again.

@popwithit

Don't make it about you and being left out of stuff.

When I'm being left out of chats and have no idea about things compared to others I just don't think it should be me as maid of honour. I think she should have someone who she wants and who will do great at it for her so that she has the best day.

Who is the bride in relation to you and the bridesmaids, OP, and how did the invitation to be Maid of Honour come about?

@Unsureaboutit9

I’m not sure she sounds like a bridezilla, she’s quite happy, it’s you who’s complaining about not being involved enough in someone else’s wedding. I’d just say look I feel like I’m not doing much, can I help out more please? I can’t see how that could be offensive, and hopefully she takes you up on the offer.

Her being a bridezilla is a long long story and I don't want to out myself on here. In regards to everything else with her wedding she is very much a birdezilla. So I don't want to have confrontation about this. She's also very dramatic about it.

Fair enough, maybe your getting off lightly then OP! She doesn’t sound like a particularly good friend to be honest, I’m guessing she’s enjoying the control she’s got over everyone.

It sounds like there's quite a bit of resentment from you. Which could very well be justified or not. We don't know that part. But it does seem to be how you feel.

Do you want to remain the MOH ? Or her friend in general ? I think base what you do next on that.

If you still care about her, just leave it and go along with it. If she's pissed you off so much that you don't want much to do with her, by all means confront her and ask her why she's leaving you out and whether she would prefer to her sister to do it.

I'm really not sure whether this is an issue or not. She clearly wants you to be part of the wedding and if she's being 'Bridezilla' with other people and not with you, I'd breathe a sigh of relief and be delighted to have got off easy! I don't know what more you can do, as you say you've already spoken to her about wanting to help / be more involved, which hasn't changed things. Maybe she just wants you there for moral support on the day?

If you think she’s a bridezilla why would you want to be more involved in the wedding planning then?
She’s probably just having a conversation about her wedding to her sister one day, maybe some other friends bring it up another time etc she doesn’t have to get every bridesmaid and the moh together in order to discuss the wedding.
But it doesn’t make sense for you to be calling her a bridezilla and dramatic about her wedding and then want to be included more. Maybe she can tell you think these things and that’s why she’s pulling back from you?