Emotional support.

[Shotinthedark2022]

I have recently lost a very close relation.I am trying to process the grieve.My partner i see every weekend usually.This weekend however,he was going to spend time with his family instead of seeing me,which had been arranged before my loss.However,when i spoke to him and told him about my relative dieing,he said he was sorry to hear that.I guess i was exspecting,hoping he would say he was coming to see me to give me emotional support,or at least ask if i wanted him to.It has left me questioning weither he is actually there for me emotionally.I know practactly he is.but is that enough.I would have told him to still go and see family for the weekend,it's just the fact that he didn't offer.Am i being unreasanable?

Have you asked him if he might be able to change his plans? You need to articulate this to him.

How long have you been together?

I think often you need to articulate what you need, everyone is different in terms of what they need so it’s often hard to know one way or the other

Thank you for your reply LizDoingThe Can Can. No i havn't asked him to change his plans.He hasn't seen his family for a while.I guess i just thought if he really cared about me,he would have offered.If the boot was on the other foot,i would have offered.

Oh this makes me so frustrated.

I'm really sorry for you loss but it is simply not fair to expect someone else to do something without asking them.

Time and again women, generally, get really upset because their partner hasn't responded in the way they expected them to.

But they never actually ask them, they just expect them to know by osmosis what to.do.

Everyone responds to grief differently. Many many many people want to be left alone to deal with their feelings and process them.

Other people want to be surrounded by people and talk.

How is a partner supposed to know which you are unless you tell him?

In decades to come when he knows you inside out then he won't need to be told. But you don't even live together yet.

Just ask him if he can come and support you

Maybe it's me then that has got it wrong.I just thought if you really cared and had empathy for someone,then you wouldn't need to be asked.I certainly wouldn't need to.Even if it wasn't a partner,i would still offer.The thing also is i feel if i had asked him to come and see me instead of going to relatives,he would possibly have come,but may also resented it.He once said to me.You should put your own happiness before anyone elses.So on that basis i try not to ask for anything.We have been nearly three years.

In this situation you shouldn’t have to ask him, OP.

He once said to me.You should put your own happiness before anyone elses.So on that basis i try not to ask for anything.We have been nearly three years.

This sounds horrendous. Why would you shrink yourself to fit his selfishness?