Not sure what to do about this lesson, parental expectations

[Donewithit888]

I'm a qualified teacher and I've been tutoring Science and Maths to an 11 year old girl now for around 2 months.
The family are EAL, and the mother is a friend of my colleague's, this is how I came to start the lessons.
The girl is quite shy and quiet but is conscientious, she always completes homework i set unless it's something she really didn't understand and she listens during the lessons when I go through things.

I had a text from my friend yesterday saying that the girl's Mum had spoken to her about the lessons. The Mum isn't fluent in English, she can make herself understood but my friend afaik does not speak their home language so I'm not sure why she told my friend about it and not me.

Anyway she said to my friend/colleague that I need to 'motivate and push her daughter more' and I 'need to be stricter with her'.

I understand but at the same time I don't, the daughter is an excellent pupil, there's nothing to be stricter on.
She's not lazy and she seems motivated, always completes her work, I don't give her too easy work either as she will often get a couple of answers wrong then we go through it together.
Nor do I give her too difficult work that she cannot attempt.
I don't know what is meant by motivating her more. I ask her what topics she feels she struggles with the most and she will tell me. I also encourage her to look through her revision guides.

Not sure what to do, any ideas? I feel awkward speaking to her mother now especially that she spoke to my friend about her complaint, not me. I've been told this once before a couple of years ago and sometimes I do feel like I'm a rubbish tutor, I'm trying my best but maybe i am just not great.

Maybe she means “my daughter isn’t getting absolutely top grades in school for maths and science, and I expect her tutor to somehow make it so that she is top of the class”.

This is probably a cultural thing about how teachers are 'supposed' to behave but speaking to your friend instead of you is really annoying! Don't change your techniques but do you incorporate testing to show progress? If not that might help.

Possibly.. maybe I just need to keep going over certain topics with her more

Yeah probably, she's never done anything wrong for me to be strict about! The testing is a great idea actually

Maybe give her a ‘report’ - give some feedback to the mother that she is doing really well and working hard.

I used to tutor. I would respond 'this is how I teach, please find another tutor if you are not happy'.

Set out the topics you will cover in half termly blocks and monitor progress, provide this to the parent at the end of each half term.

Can you clarify what EAL is? I know what you mean but not exactly what the acronym stands for.

It's English as an additional language

I ask her what topics she feels she struggles with the most and she will tell me.

I would also test to identify the weaknesses/gaps.

I'm paid £20 including travel time so I admit I'm reluctant to spend a lot of my own time preparing resources.
However I've done testing as the books we use have regular progress tests/checks

I think you have to have a direct conversation with the mother about it. That would be the most professional thing. Your friend getting involved is not appropriate.

I agree about the testing. Is she year 6 or 7? Do you know what they are looking for with the tutoring? Are they trying to get her up to a certain standard?

Ok, she's 11, not in year 11, so I assume the mum wants her to sit the 11+?

In my experience, the cast majority of grammar school parents are beyond pushy. (Not all, I know, but most.)

Year 7.. I've got her school report card, it's just 'general improvement" i believe. She goes to a state school

Fellow teacher here. Not sure where you are, or how long you see the girl but £20 for an hour is peanuts. I do some individual instrumental teaching, have not put up my prices for a few years and charge £32 per hour in the SW of England. The going rate is now a little higher here.

Also, if her school is like mine, reports are written weeks before parents actually get them. I completed my y8 ones yesterday for a Monday deadline (today is a a day off). They will be checked by my HoD, then the form tutor, the head of year and SLT before going out to parents on the last day of term in early April. So the report you have just seen might well have been written long before any of your efforts have taken effect. It would be better to judge progress after more time.

There are possibly different cultural expectations which you would find unacceptable to put into practice.
She will want to know what level her child is compared to her peers and will expect her to be far ahead.
If the parents are high achievers academically they will expect the same of the child.
It probably isn't you!