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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To trace my mum’s half brother?

8 replies

AdoptedTraceHB · 10/03/2022 19:59

My mum was given up for adoption at birth in the 1940s. In the 1970s she tried to trace her mum via social services and a social worker located her. Her mum said to the social worker that she had thought of her often but couldn’t meet her and didn’t want to now tell her husband and son. My mum has passed away now but every so often I get out the little envelope of research she did on her adoption. Should I let sleeping dogs lie or could I trace her half brother? I feel that the secret was one his mother wanted to keep but on the other hand who would judge her now, and I am desperate to know some blood relatives. I have none really apart from my own children.

OP posts:
AdoptedTraceHB · 10/03/2022 20:03

I should add I have assumed my grandmother is dead as she would be mid 90s now but perhaps not

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Georgeskitchen · 10/03/2022 20:05

Do you have his address to write a letter? It's just possible he might already know, but I he doesn't , you might have to prepare to be rejected x

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 10/03/2022 20:09

I've had a little experience of this, and, if I'm honest, at his age, and considering his mum's wishes, I would just leave it.

I would try one of those ancestry DNA sites and then any willing family who want to track down long lost family will contact you.

Luredbyapomegranate · 10/03/2022 20:10

Sure, but talk it through with someone first.

It's quite possible he won't want to take you up on it, so be prepared for that.

HRTQueen · 10/03/2022 20:16

Leave it be

He will be left with unanswered questions out of your curiosity (I would assume your mums mum has now died)

Theworkhouse · 10/03/2022 20:18

I would. I don't see why your Grandmother's wishes should trump her son's right to know about his blood relatives.

As long as you are fully prepared for him to not want to know you. Good luck

AdoptedTraceHB · 10/03/2022 20:22

@WeDontShutUpAboutBruno

I've had a little experience of this, and, if I'm honest, at his age, and considering his mum's wishes, I would just leave it.

I would try one of those ancestry DNA sites and then any willing family who want to track down long lost family will contact you.

I don’t know anything about ancestry DNA but will look this up.
OP posts:
AdoptedTraceHB · 10/03/2022 20:23

I don’t have any contact details but I do have his birth certificate. It’s a common name he has so not even sure if it will be possible to trace him

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