to seek thoughts on what to put in my will in these circumstances?

[largeprintagathachristie]

I have an appointment to get my will sorted and I'm really a bit stuck. The circumstances are:

I have no children of my own
Not married
I'm in a reasonably new relationship with DP,. Together for four years, living together for two years. Well, not a new relationship, but not longstanding, if you know what I mean. Separate finances.

He has three teenage DC.

I have two much older siblings. Not really close to either due to circumstances I won't go into here and long-term geographical distance. Both are married and financially comfortable and likely to inherit substantially from their in-laws. If I went down the sibling route I'd like to give to one but not the other, which just seems inflammatory. But the thought of my racist SIL inheriting from me is really hard!

I have numerous nephews and nieces, some of whom are now having children of their own. The nephews and nieces don't really know me well, due to geographical distance.

There's something that's holding me back from naming DP outright which I'm struggling to articulate. Statistically he's not likely to outlive me, but if he did, not for long. Which would mean the money going to his children (and kind of to their Mum, who has been foul to me. No, I'm not the other woman.)

Step DC are lovely. They will inherit substantially from a grandparent.

DP and I broke up for a bit after year one on his instigation, and there's still part of me that's hurt by that, I've got visions of him moving on really fast! He's done his will and it all goes to his kids. Which I don't think is inappropriate. We don't have joint property. I'm living with him but pay rent, while my own flat is rented out.

Giving to charity is an attractive option.
So is naming a couple of close friends.

Thoughts would be really welcome. I'm reminding myself that I'll be dead by this stage, so I may be overthinking it!

I have numerous nephews and nieces, some of whom are now having children of their own. The nephews and nieces don't really know me well, due to geographical distance.

I’m in a similar situation (although no partner). I’m leaving everything to my siblings - we all get on well, and I hope that eventually, my nephews and nieces will benefit.

I think I would adopt a scattergun approach and leave everyone you treasure a bit of joy to remember you by.

I would leave it in percentages...maybe 50% divided between nieces and nephews, 25% to partner and 25% divided between friends/charities in whatever proportion suits.

Do you have a cause / charity / interest that’s dear to your heart ?

If so I’d set up a trust which would give educational grants/ awards. A relatively small amount of money can make a big difference to someone’s education.

It can be anything you care about

6th century Chinese pottery
Pupils learning U instrument
Educational support for single parents / children with V disability
Postgraduate students researching W topic
Children of miners born in X village
Pupils studying economics at Y high school
Children of asylum seekers from Z country

Personally I’d rather give £2k to 100 pupils / students to further their education than leave £20k to random nieces / nephews I’d never met to go on holiday / buy a better car,

I would leave it to my friends.
This happened to my mum, who benefitted from mutually kind friendships over many years. One friend left her £60k!

Excellent input, thank you.

I won't be setting up the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation - it will just be the proceeds from my flat and my two small pension pots, such as they are/will be. Though that will add up.

Switching my thoughts to what I'd like to do rather than what I think would be expected is really freeing.

And yes, if it turns out that I have "spare" money, I will enjoy it rather than hoard it. Not remotely there yet, though!

Just read that my work's defined benefit pension scheme will pay an income to a spouse or civil partner for the rest of their life if I die whilst paying in. Only to a partner if I state this via a letter of intent, and, if it comes to it, he can prove he was financially dependent on me. Guess I may as well add him in, rather than than losing this benefit.

I'm married happily and have no kids. I'm leaving small amounts to the next generation (friends and family) and all the rest to charity. Feels fair and politics free.

@largeprintagathachristie I'm in a really similar situation to you, and just finishing sorting my will. I have no children, a partner of 13 years(not married), he lives in the house I own, I have a final salary pension.

What I've done is named beneficiaries (partner, neices, close friends and several charities). I've stated that if I die they all get a set percentage of my wealth (excluding my house). My partner has what's called a Life Interest Trust in the house. I.e. he can carry on living there but on his death the house proceeds would again be percentage split between my beneficiaries. That way he's not homeless, but my wealth still goes to the people I've stated (rather than his new partner for example!).

Since your DP would get a pension for life, I’d then divide the rest between your nieces/nephews and give some to charity.

If he moves in with you and it becomes long-standing, You could consider adding in will that your DP would have the right to live in your flat for rest of his life and after his death the flat then goes to nieces/nephews and/or charity. This would mean he would not be homeless nor would his children inherit your flat.

I wouldn't leave anything to either your family members or to your DP and his children. He hasn't left anything to you and I can't see any reason for you to leave anything to him. I would leave something to close friends if you have any and some charities you are fond of

I’d leave a certain percentage to be divided between the people you really like*/and or who are most likely to benefit, the remaining percentage to charity/charities.

Rather than specify amounts, then unless there’s a good reason not to do it, percentages make it simpler for the executors.

*and given that I’d be dead by then, I wouldn’t worry about upsetting anyone else!

I'd leave a little to everyone- siblings, dp, dpc, friends, nieces and nephews and any left over to charity .

OP I'm in a similar situation in that I've no children myself but my DH has two adult children. We have been very happily married for 20 years though.

His two will be very well provided for (DH has made a lot of money through business). My will leaves a substantial chunk to my brother, bequests to my two god children and the remainder is split 50%/ 50% to my two favourite charities. I've also specified to whom I want some really quite nice jewellery to go. Don't forget that if circumstances change you can always change your will.

Slightly different circumstances for me as my husband and I have been married forever and clearly when one of us dies, everything goes to the surviving spouse.

However, we have no children, siblings or much family (there are some cousins) so our will state that when the second person pegs it, our estate is divided into three: 1/3 to our lovely goddaughters, 1/3 to a charity of my choice, 1/3 to a charity of my husbands choice.

The charities we’ve chosen mean a great deal to us and it makes me so happy to know they’ll benefit from our deaths. We could leave money to the cousins but like your nieces and nephews, we’re not close, don’t see each other often and they’ll inherit from elsewhere anyway.

I think maybe leave your partner out of your will for now but maybe say in 10 or so years (or whenever) if you’re still together and have a preference to do so, you could include him then?

I know of someone in a similar situation who left small-moderate sums to their partner's grandchildren, one non relative and all their nieces and nephews (let's say 20k each, it's a bit more complicated than that IRL) and then the remainder to several charities. I believe that the estate was over 500k so more than half went to charity.

In your shoes I would leave some to a charity that meant something to me, some to close friends who had supported me, especially if they are not wealthy, and the rest to nieces and nephews.

Yes, might as well name your DP on your pension.

I think when you get together a bit later in life, no shared children, financially self sufficient, no one has given up their paid work for shared household / childcare purposes, there is no sense in leaving your estate to a similar aged DP. Quite rightly he has named his children in his Will, why would he or they expect to inherit your estate too? You will be OK if anything happens to him, you have your flat, your pension.

Relax, and enjoy what you can afford to enjoy!

I would leave a certain amount to your DP, and then split the rest between close friends and/or charities that you want to support.

As your DPs will doesn’t name you and he’s not living in your property, I don’t think you’re obliged to prioritise him.

@M0RVEN

Do you have a cause / charity / interest that’s dear to your heart ?

If so I’d set up a trust which would give educational grants/ awards. A relatively small amount of money can make a big difference to someone’s education.

It can be anything you care about

6th century Chinese pottery
Pupils learning U instrument
Educational support for single parents / children with V disability
Postgraduate students researching W topic
Children of miners born in X village
Pupils studying economics at Y high school
Children of asylum seekers from Z country

Personally I’d rather give £2k to 100 pupils / students to further their education than leave £20k to random nieces / nephews I’d never met to go on holiday / buy a better car,

This would be what I would do too.

I wouldn't leave anything to partner (as he wouldn't for you) nor to any of your 'family' who you don't seem to have a relationship with.

The chance to spread some love and opportunities (as per quoted post) would be what I'd do

You're going to spend it all travelling and having a good time. The £50 left will buy a few drinks for the wake.

Just a caveat - not an expert so get advice on this. I would be very careful with the type of legacies to charities; apparently they will fight to have their legacies honoured even if other beneficiaries lose out. That may not matter if in fact the charities are your top priority. I seem to remember suggestions to avoid leaving percentages to charity but it might be the other way round! As I say, get proper advice.

The only thing that seemed to light you up was your friends and charities.

Do that. Do what lights you up.

You can always change in 5/10 years and add DP if you want.

I think that you should leave your money divided between siblings, nieces , nephew's, and friends that you like. I wouldn't worry about annoying one sibling, tbh I think the only time that leaving money to some of a group and not all hurts desperately, is when it relates to children of the deceased.

I'd also ensure you're completely secure should your dp die suddenly, as doesn't look as if you've the right to stay in his house necessarily.

@PermanentTemporary

Just a caveat - not an expert so get advice on this. I would be very careful with the type of legacies to charities; apparently they will fight to have their legacies honoured even if other beneficiaries lose out. That may not matter if in fact the charities are your top priority. I seem to remember suggestions to avoid leaving percentages to charity but it might be the other way round! As I say, get proper advice.

The Trustees of a charity are legally bound to protect the interests of the charity, which means that if a legal document (a will) makes them a beneficiary they are not at liberty to just ignore the terms.

Leave a percentage.

If you leave a fixed sum, with the remainder to be divided between family, for example, it may be that after care fees or whatever, there is nothing left except an amount close to the fixed sum to the charity. Leaving the other beneficiaries with nothing. So yes, worth considering what is your priority for any definite sums.

I would doing my best to ensure racist SIL and nasty ex wife receive nothing.

Are there any nieces / nephews you’re particularly close to? Or friends?

reminded me i need to update mine!

Planning to leave to charity and the children of my best friends
Sister is a lot older than me, and financially secure
Friends same age as me, financially secure (no point in leaving to the friends and adding to inheritance tax issues)
NC with brother, don't really know his children
There's also some wording in the existing will about a gift that goes to whoever takes in my cat (or other animals that I might have at the time of my death) - will continue that in the replacement one.