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Original poster

To think friendship breakups are worse than relationship breakups?

10 replies

requireataste · 10/03/2022 14:01

I haven't been in a relationship for 8 years, it's been a conscious decision due to the pain I've went through going through breakups. I literally can't take them, they push me over the edge mentally and take me years to recover from. It's not just the mental pain but the physical agony. I just thought it's safest to not put myself through it again.

However, I've always had a few good close friends who have been there for each other through thick and thin. One of my friends - we are just not getting along anymore, it's really sad, I've tried but the past few years I've been hurt a lot by them. Every time I say something they turn it around on me and make me feel as if I'm causing an argument for nothing but I genuinely can't help feeling the way I do. We decided last week to end the friendship, there was too much drama for women in their 30s. It wasn't good.

Since then I have been a mess, worse than a relationship breakup. I can't eat, can hardly sleep, crying all the time, constant knot in my stomach. I miss them so much and start to think maybe it is all my fault? The last message she sent me she said,

'Please do fuck off for good. Do not contact me again you are behaving like a total freak. Fuck knows what's got in to you'.

This was due to me explaining how I felt due to a situation in which they tried to make me out to be a liar to the point I was believing her.

I feel shattered and that last message stung. I really don't know what to do to feel better.

OP posts:
MrsGHarrison87 · 10/03/2022 14:07

It's sounds like the relationship between you and them is causing a lot of stress and negativity. Do you get anything positive from it? When it becomes hard work and it's making you feel this bad, it's time to let go. There's strength in walking away from something that is no good for you. I don't know the ins and outs of what went on but that reply was horrible. Surely you don't want that in your life? I'd rather have no friends and do my own thing than be involved in negative drama with horrible people.

thiswillbeouttingbuthey · 10/03/2022 14:10

are you me OP ? not necessarily the relationship part but the message from your friend. I also got accused of lying by a friend. I hadn't lied. In fact, I had done anything wrong. The last message she sent me was something similar to the lines of what you received.

If she can type that, then she was never really your friend. Same with me and my ex friend. Its been a few years since now. I will never forget the disgusting message she sent to me .. and on my birthday too. She def wanted to go out with a real bang. Awful.

NO words OP, just Flowers

Original poster
requireataste · 10/03/2022 14:29

Thanks, it absolutely awful 🥺

OP posts:
topcat2014 · 10/03/2022 14:31

I am sorry to hear this, OP.

I have friends for 25 years, who, if we "split" I would feel the same about.

Take care.

Panda86 · 10/03/2022 14:36

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I can relate, it's horrible. I fell out permanently in 2019 with my best friend of 20 years - I was a mess. We used to do everything together, holidays, days out, even shared a flat at one point. Give yourself some time - you will feel better. Her message is hurtful, delete it.

Sciurus83 · 10/03/2022 14:39

Yes, delete that message so you can never look at it again

seashellsunderthesand · 10/03/2022 14:42

If you put " can be worse" then I'd have to agree with you. Personally it wouldn't be worse for me, but that's because I haven't got that intense friendships. I would obviously be really sad over losing some of my friends but for me that's much less hurtful compared to losing a happy 20+ year marriage, so it's all relative.
Regarding your friendship, I suppose the only option is to wait and see and maybe with time you guys can sort things out. In the mean time surround yourself with people who make you feel good.

thiswillbeouttingbuthey · 10/03/2022 14:46

@Panda86

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I can relate, it's horrible. I fell out permanently in 2019 with my best friend of 20 years - I was a mess. We used to do everything together, holidays, days out, even shared a flat at one point. Give yourself some time - you will feel better. Her message is hurtful, delete it.
It certainly hurts. What hurt me was that my friend could think I was a liar to the extent she said I was. We were the same - 20 years friends, did loads together, shared a flat for a while.

It certainly takes a while to get over it. Do some TLC and self care, move on only when you are ready to.

FlowerTomb · 10/03/2022 15:02

I went through this a few years ago - a 10+ year friendship came to an end almost overnight when two of my "friends" essentially "ganged up" on me and tried to turn my own family members and partner against me. At the time it seemed totally out of the blue, but in hindsight, the entire friendship was very toxic and I just didn't see the signs.

My advice is to simply delete all of those nasty messages and focus fully on yourself, don't message them, don't call them. Leave them be and focus on yourself - what will be will be. 10 years on and I'm absolutely fine, it took maybe about a year to get over the "breakup" and 2 years to feel absolutely nothing for them, no happiness but no hatred or dislike either, just indifference.

Panda86 · 10/03/2022 18:23

I thought of her as family and really thought we’d always be in each others lives. Sounds really dramatic but it felt a bit like a bereavement. I’ve not set eyes on her in 2 and a half years. PP is right though, eventually the pain is just replaced with nothing/indifference - not love not hate, just nothing really.

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