Hi, I have NC for this just incase friend recognises the situation and links to my PP.
I am not sure if I am being over sensitive here so thought I would turn to mumsnet to get your advice and hopefully give me a (gentle) head wobble if IABU.
For back story I am 27 and have endometriosis. It is stage four and I had surgery last week to try and clear a lot of it. This is my second surgery as my first was diagnostic and they superficially removed what they could. I had to be rebooked in the hospital as this time I had quite a large surgery including excision, removal of an ovary, unsticking of my bowel from my uterus and I nearly lost part of my bowel.
I have struggled with endometriosis for years. I have all the common symptoms including massive blood loss, pain, stomach problems, bleeding when going to the toilet and unfortunately trouble conceiving. We have been TTC for a while but unfortunately it hasn’t happened for us due to this. We are on the waiting list to see the fertility clinic but that is a long wait, due to COVID it has been even longer.
I have a best friend who got diagnosed with PCOS a few months ago. This was largely by accident as she was having a scan for something else. Luckily for her she isn’t very symptomatic. She manages to maintain a healthy weight, has three children, her periods aren’t noticeably effected and she has no other symptoms that she noticed.
When she got diagnosed she rang me very upset. I tried my best to be supportive and there for her but I will admit that I did struggle a bit when she was making comments like “I don’t know why I am so upset when I have accidentally gotten pregnant every time and have no symptoms of it I’m just scared I won’t be able to have another baby” as I felt like she should have read the room a little bit with who she was talking to, but she is my best friend and I know this is my issue so I put that to one side and tried to reassure her.
We have discussed my Endo in detail, almost all prompted by her as I don’t want my life to revolve around it. She has been my best friend since we were young so she knows everything, all of the referrals and the upset it has caused. The day before my surgery she messaged me asking if I wanted to do something with her the week after and I said I’d love to but I couldn’t because of the surgery. She replied “oh I forgot that was tomorrow!” And left it at that.
The morning of my surgery she didn’t wish me luck or send a thinking of you message. I received a message from her that evening about something else, completely pointless and not even addressing the fact I had surgery. I was quite poorly at this point so I didn’t reply. I spend four days in hospital due to complications and she only addressed the fact I was in hospital on the third day and that is because she sent me a Snapchat and I replied one back of me, clearly in hospital.
This is my best friend who I speak to almost every single day. Contact isn’t initiated more so by one of us, it is quite equal. We see each other a lot so I am feeling really hurt by this. I was already feeling hurt by her insensitivity by how she was talking about her PCOS but I took that as a me issue and not hers. I understand that she has three children to look after but the fact that she never asked me how I was after I came out of really long and traumatic surgery has upset me. It’s not like I was expecting her to look after me, I have my own DP, a message would have been nice when we do message every day anyway. She knew it was something I had coming up as I obviously mentioned it the night before, but it’s not something I have waffled on about so it’s not like she’s gotten sick of me talking about it.
Lots of my other friends reached out, even ones I hadn’t spoken to in a while as they must have remembered I told them about it. I know the topic of potential infertility does make some people uncomfortable and coupled with her PCOS diagnosis I’m wondering if maybe she has been triggered by this, so maybe IABU to feel upset by her not asking if I’m okay?