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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to worry about DH not being in contact

27 replies

HedgehogintheFog · 10/03/2022 12:28

...since he left for the office this morning. I know I am. I am a worrier. One of my common worries is that something will happen to the people I love, especially DH. I try not to let it have too much impact on my life and usually I manage quite well. However, today I am struggling. He went off to the office. I messaged him a question on Whatsapp about dinner tonight (whether to defrost chicken or not) and it has not been delivered. His 'last seen' was before he left the house.

After two hours, I emailed him the same question to his work email. Still no response.

My rational brain tells me his phone is out of charge or Whatsapp is not working, and he is in a meeting or (shock horror) actually working at work. My irrational fears tell me something awful has happened to him. I have done next to no work all morning, distracted with worry.

We are TTC. How am I going to cope with a child if I worry this much about DH not being logged into Whatsapp???

OP posts:
mnetting · 10/03/2022 12:31

I'm sorry but he's probably seen your messages but is too busy to answer right now.
If you keep on you'll annoy him and eventually drive him away, you really can't keep this up as it will effect both of your mental health.
Just go about your day and he'll catch up with you when he gets a chance.

DDivaStar · 10/03/2022 12:32

Take a breath.

No this is not a normal reaction, you know that. You need to get some help with this anxiety.

KatyRebecca84 · 10/03/2022 12:32

I can't make you feel better but I can relate as I am an awful worrier too! My husband WFH so I don't have to worry as much now but starts a new job soon two days in the office.

What I try and remind myself is every time i've worried, he's been fine. He is always too busy to check his phone or emails and usually in a meeting and eventually messages and i'm like what was the fuss all about?! Until you have a reason to worry, try not to waste the time worrying!!

I now have a 3.5 year old and they tend to be a distraction but you will then have different worries. Have you had counselling or cbt for your worrying? I have some upcoming CBT to help me cope as mine is getting out of control again (generally health anxiety)

Let us know when you hear from him and make a note of it in your phone as to how you felt and what actually happened in the end to remind yourself next time!

Nidan2Sandan · 10/03/2022 12:33

Hes at work, if something had happened you'd have heard by now.

Leave him alone to do his job, and seek help for your anxiety. Do not TTC whilst you are like this..

ApolloandDaphne · 10/03/2022 12:35

I often message my DH about stuff like that when he is in the office and he doesn't respond for hours because he is in meetings/on calls/working on stuff. I've never thought to worry about it. He responds when he gets time. I am sure your DH is the same.

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2022 12:35

We are TTC. How am I going to cope with a child if I worry this much about DH not being logged into Whatsapp???

I have no idea but it's not fair on others I'm afraid.

Have you sought professional help?

theglitch · 10/03/2022 12:38

Glad you can see this isn't normal OP!

Yes you need to tackle the anxiety urgently, especially before ttc, for your sake and your future child's.

A combination of targeted therapy, meditation and medication could turn your life around.

What have you tried before?

theglitch · 10/03/2022 12:39

(I ask because I have similar tendencies and have found that mirtazapine, exercise, good diet and mindfulness have helped a great deal.)

BurnDownTheDiscoHangTheDJ · 10/03/2022 12:42

I was like this from childhood until my late 20s. TTC encouraged me to do something about it. CBT combined with Find my Friends on iPhone have really helped me. I recommend both.

BurnDownTheDiscoHangTheDJ · 10/03/2022 12:44

Oh and fluoxetine! Good luck.

Loopytiles · 10/03/2022 12:46

So your (unfounded) anxiety has impacted on your working day. If that happens more than v rarely, suggest seeking to improve your mental health.

TTC, Pregnancy and DC can indeed be huge challenges for those of us who struggle with anxiety.

Personally I find regular exercise, sleep, nutritious food and avoiding alcohol help, at least most of the time!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/03/2022 12:56

I think you need to seek out some support for your anxiety.

Original poster
HedgehogintheFog · 10/03/2022 13:03

Thank you all. You have made me realise this is an even bigger problem than I thought. I really felt I was managing my anxiety effectively but today has shown me this is not the case.

OP posts:
theglitch · 10/03/2022 19:32

It's really easy to lose perspective - you feel like you're at level 2 out of 10 for anxiety, but actually your 2 is most other peoples 10.

How are you doing now, what's your plan?

Dishwashersaurous · 10/03/2022 19:34

Glad that you have realised that this is so far from normal.

Hope that you get the support you need

Original poster
HedgehogintheFog · 10/03/2022 19:44

Thanks, that’s actually a very helpful way to look at it.

I need to research the support that’s available. I probably need to start with an appointment with my GP.

OP posts:
AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 10/03/2022 19:47

Was he OK?

Twolostsoulsswimminginafishbow · 10/03/2022 19:53

Our trust lets you self refer to mental health services. Have a look online if yours is the same. When my adult son needed help with his anxiety I remember moodjuice was a good site.

Dishwashersaurous · 10/03/2022 20:01

See I've duplicated with someone else. But you can self refer. No need to go anywhere near a gp.

Original poster
HedgehogintheFog · 10/03/2022 20:02

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair

Was he OK?
Yes, he was! Of course!
OP posts:
theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 10/03/2022 20:19

Do you work as well?

musicalfrog · 10/03/2022 20:22

No help sorry but I do love your user name!

Original poster
HedgehogintheFog · 10/03/2022 20:32

@theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity

Do you work as well?
I do, yes. A relatively high level profession job. I sometimes have anxiety about work, but I usually worry about it at night, or first thing in the morning, rarely whilst I’m actually working.
OP posts: