Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums always left to cover sick days for children!!

57 replies

Mumsalone2022 · 10/03/2022 09:27

So if you have a child with your ex, they bang on about wanting to be a dad.. your child is ill but it’s always you who has to take the time off Work when said child is ill…

is it unreasonable to ask them to cover your wages for the days missed (I earn £70 a day, he earns £200/250 a day) I work part time, him full time, I’ve takeNn the last 4 shifts off and he has helped me with wages twice In this time, I now have to take another shift or two off as child is still ill… he said no he’s already helped, so I said fine you take the day off and look after her and I’ll go to work.. he’s flat out refused because “his jobs more important” abs basically laughed at me, even tho he basically Never sees her and would give him a chance to see her like he always claims he wants to. Like I’ve told him before he’s only a dad when convenient for him.

And she was ill for a week in February which I had to take off again with no help from him. He then called me a spoilt brat as my mum sometimes helps with my wages to help me out and he told me to go ask her instead. I have two children to look after, he gets around £3800 a month… all his bills come to £800 so he has £3000 left to save or whatever yet would rather me struggle and his child go without

Thoughts please??? Why is it always the mums responsibility to book child care and cover sick days???!!

OP posts:
Bubblesandsqueak1 · 10/03/2022 10:53

Based off the 800 a week and him having 2 other children your weekly payment would be about £83 from cms and no it does not affect any other benefits

Original poster
Mumsalone2022 · 10/03/2022 11:03

@RandomMess thank you! I will defo look into this! Cx

OP posts:
Jvg33 · 10/03/2022 11:04

@Babadook76

Cross posted there, it was pretty obvious what she meant
Ta!
Original poster
Mumsalone2022 · 10/03/2022 11:48

@Bubblesandsqueak1 he doesn’t pay for his other two x

OP posts:
BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 10/03/2022 11:54

Did you know he didnt pay for his other 2 children's when you had a child with him?
You say that he told you that he hid his money so he didnt need to pay for them.... was that before you got pregnant by him?

Original poster
Mumsalone2022 · 10/03/2022 12:14

@BeforeGodAndAllTheFish when we got together he paid her £100 a week as she has two by him, then once me and him got serious she stopped him seeing them as she got jealous, even tho she had another two babies since him.

She then said if he wants to be able to see then he has to give her £200 a week hence he stopped paying, obviously this is what I was told so who knows what is actually true x

OP posts:
Mangogogogo · 10/03/2022 14:25

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head there at the end. ‘Who knows what is actually true’
It sounds like he already flaked on two kids, in terms of seeing them and paying for them and manipulated you into thinking it wasn’t his fault, poor man.
He’s now doing it to you and I think this shows no matter what you do, he is never going to be interested. Heartbreaking for your daughter but pushing him to see her is not going to end well for her. She’s poorly and wants you because you’re the only one who’s been there for her, he’s practically a stranger by the sound of it.
I know this doesn’t help you right now and you are absolutely correct that it is unfair and we are just constantly penalised for being women but what’s best for your daughter is to go through CMS and I personally would stop chasing him to see her

Original poster
Mumsalone2022 · 10/03/2022 15:41

@Mangogogogo exaclty! He does pay me
£70 a week via private arrangement.
Then he moans about seeing her but his work comes before the chance to see her,
It’s just sad really, since I posted this he has told me he will cover my wages for tomorrow, just shows he’s rather that then see his child! I knew he would say no to having her, and like you said she wants her mummy it was more a point to him! Xx thanks for your advice x

OP posts:
Bubblesandsqueak1 · 10/03/2022 22:45

He might not pay for the other 2 but its still calculated including them

Cocomarine · 10/03/2022 22:53

[quote Mumsalone2022]@BeforeGodAndAllTheFish when we got together he paid her £100 a week as she has two by him, then once me and him got serious she stopped him seeing them as she got jealous, even tho she had another two babies since him.

She then said if he wants to be able to see then he has to give her £200 a week hence he stopped paying, obviously this is what I was told so who knows what is actually true x[/quote]
Well I think you know what isn’t true.

Cocomarine · 10/03/2022 22:55

What bollocks is this about a court case?

  1. There aren’t any court cases that stop you going to court over child arrangements
  2. You don’t need a court case anyway
Babadook76 · 10/03/2022 23:03

@Cocomarine

What bollocks is this about a court case?
  1. There aren’t any court cases that stop you going to court over child arrangements
  2. You don’t need a court case anyway
That’s what I immediately thought when I read it but I didn’t want to comment without more info. Unless the court case will affect the maintenance or contact situation in any way then it shouldn’t be a problem. There’s no limit of court cases someone could be involved in at any time
Original poster
Mumsalone2022 · 11/03/2022 04:05

@Cocomarine he has a court case about armed robberies that he did in his twenty’s which I didn’t know about, so if he went to court they wouldn’t allow him access I Literlaly don’t know l, only what he’s mentioned

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumsalone2022 · 11/03/2022 04:07

He’s turned around today and said he gets his money paid into someone else’s account so if I try be “greedy” and go through Csa I’ll get nothing x

OP posts:
cuno · 11/03/2022 04:34

If PP is correct in calculating that he would have to pay £83 a week, that is only £13 extra a month. That's £676 a year so not exactly spare change and could definitely help towards bills, but that being said that amount of money doesn't exactly stretch far these days either. What you need to consider is whether it's worth the risk of losing money in order to potentially gain £13 a week. He could be bluffing, he could not. But CMS is pretty shit from the horror stories I've seen on here. Personally if I were you I'd leave it be, as long as he remains reliable with payments. It is however completely up to you. It can't hurt getting advice from CMS first though.

cuno · 11/03/2022 04:34

*only £13 extra a week

RantyAunty · 11/03/2022 07:10

You can count on 90% of what he has told you and is telling you are lies.

How does he know you were thinking about going through CMS?

Original poster
Mumsalone2022 · 11/03/2022 14:52

@RantyAuntyi already applied and he got notified and rung me straight away saying he will pay £70 a week if I don’t go through them. X

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 11/03/2022 15:05

@Mumsalone2022

So if you have a child with your ex, they bang on about wanting to be a dad.. your child is ill but it’s always you who has to take the time off Work when said child is ill…

is it unreasonable to ask them to cover your wages for the days missed (I earn £70 a day, he earns £200/250 a day) I work part time, him full time, I’ve takeNn the last 4 shifts off and he has helped me with wages twice In this time, I now have to take another shift or two off as child is still ill… he said no he’s already helped, so I said fine you take the day off and look after her and I’ll go to work.. he’s flat out refused because “his jobs more important” abs basically laughed at me, even tho he basically Never sees her and would give him a chance to see her like he always claims he wants to. Like I’ve told him before he’s only a dad when convenient for him.

And she was ill for a week in February which I had to take off again with no help from him. He then called me a spoilt brat as my mum sometimes helps with my wages to help me out and he told me to go ask her instead. I have two children to look after, he gets around £3800 a month… all his bills come to £800 so he has £3000 left to save or whatever yet would rather me struggle and his child go without

Thoughts please??? Why is it always the mums responsibility to book child care and cover sick days???!!

My exH is exactly the same. Has never once taken time off for them in 20 years (10 years married, 20 years separated). And I have recently discovered he's been underpaying maintenance by £600 a month. For AT LEAST five years. He takes home over 5k a month after pension contribution and had the cheek to suggest I should be grateful that he carried on CM for our eldest autistic child after he turned 18 (even though he's deemed to have a limited capacity for work and struggles to leave the house most days). He said 'don't bother thanking me for paying longer than I needed to'. This was before I discovered the extent of his underpayments (he refused to disclose income even though I knew his salary had significantly increased some tiMe ago).

He is a father on paper only, and does not a single thing that I consider engaged or active parenting. It makes me sick.

Sparklybanana · 11/03/2022 15:07

Granted I know nothing about cms but it doesn't half sound like a whole load of horse do do coming out of his mouth. He's got an excuse for everything hasn't he? Sounds like you need to talk to someone who knows how to handle scammers like him.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 11/03/2022 15:10

Yup, I couldn’t take last week off for very important meetings so my kid ended up in nursery when they should have been home for a few days

Sofiegiraffe · 11/03/2022 15:11

he has a court case about armed robberies that he did in his twenty’s which I didn’t know about,

Wow. He gets better and better...

Original poster
Mumsalone2022 · 11/03/2022 19:49

@CandyLeBonBon I’m so sorry you had to go through this!! It makes me sick that they can get away with it. Dads can just walk away from responsibility and go on to live a single life even when they actively wanted a family! And mums are left to juggle it all alone xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumsalone2022 · 11/03/2022 19:51

@Sparklybanana to be honest the money is the only “control” he has feel like I’d rather not bother and just not bother with
Him at all any more!! X

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumsalone2022 · 11/03/2022 19:51

@Sofiegiraffe I know. Apparently the court date gets moved every 3 months, im starting to think he’s a compulsive liar x

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread