I’m getting ten tonnes of grief from my Aunt this morning because I’ve “deeply upset” my cousin at the weekend.
I was brought up from age 7 by my paternal grandparents (my siblings from then too, but I’m the youngest by a way) because of abuse and neglect by my parents.
When my Grandad died I was 12. My Nana was scared I’d be homeless when she died because my siblings and Aunt made clear they weren’t interested in taking me in. So everything was divided up at that point so that my Aunt & Uncle got their inheritance then, my siblings got theirs (my grandparents disinherited my father and basically considered him dead so his share defaulted to us) and then my Nana left the flat we moved to to me in the hope that that way I’d keep my home and the family would take turns looking after me. I was 12 so I wasn’t part of those discussions (which is key - I played no part in this!). It was also a bit of a gamble because if later the flat needed sold for care costs I’d be the only one that didn’t inherit, but Nana felt it was a gamble that needed taking at the time.
When my Nana died the value of the flat had risen a little, but Nana’s savings and an inheritance she’d received balanced it out (I waived my share of those bits to balance it). In the end I got more than the others by a small bit (a couple of hundred pounds) but my uncle pointed out that I was actually the only one who hadn’t got help to buy, that’s what they all used it for, so it was pretty fair.
However, one of my cousins has a real chip about the fact that I was left something and he wasn’t. He’s gone on about it for years since Nana died. It’s been explained to him numerous times that we inherited our father’s share, but still.
At the weekend at a family event he once again made a comment about me spending Nana’s money. I ignored the first few, but eventually snapped at him that maybe she’d known he’d pick at me for essentially being the kid no-one wanted and that’s why she didn’t. He snapped back that it was no wonder both my father and brother ended up punching me (I’m Nc with my eldest brother as he’s Dad mark II - and the time he’s referencing with my father I was 5 years old).
It was harsh, but I’ve been getting this shit from him for years and I snapped.
This morning I’ve had a big message from my aunt, who I’ve always got on well with, saying that my cousins is deeply upset by the suggestion that our Nana wouldn’t have liked him and that I owe him an apology. I’ve said that if he apologises for his years of sniping then I’ll apologise for reacting to his nastiness.
I know I should be the bigger person and all that, but I’m totally sick of it.
I played no part in the decisions made when I was a child and yet I’m constantly made to feel guilty for them.