Is being wanted/desired a relationship need

[penguinparty00]

Looking for outside perspective - long term issue within our relationship of not feeling wanted sexually by OH, he has very little emotion and struggles to show any affection beyond kiss/ cuddle / holding hands he sees this as him showing me affection and it is lovely yes but we rarely have sex he doesn't feel like he can initiate and it doesn't pop into his head to have sex so we've tried so many things including counselling and we just aren't got anywhere and just ends up me crying saying I don't feel wanted / desired him saying he does want me and very little else so we are stuck in this cycle! I tried to explain that does he not understand the feeling of to feel wanted by your other half and he said no he doesn't and I just said well that hits the nail on the head with our issues i am just at an utter loss of what I can do here - there's zero passion and I just think what else can I physically do !

Sounds like you already know the answer and what you have to do.

Yes it’s a need, a basic one in fact. I had the same problem, around and around in circles. We’ve split up now but he thinks we will just get back together, but we won’t, there is only so much one person can take before they snap and don’t have the energy left to carry a whole relationship by themselves.

He won’t change, it won’t get better. After a few weeks of trying they just go back to how they was. Would you want him to try anyway? You would never know if he actually means and wants it, or just going through the motions because you said so.

It’s already over.

It's just difficult when you love someone to just end it because yes I love him he is a good man but that part is just destroying us

Your not there yet then, but you will get there, that love turns to resentment eventually, you’ll leave then.

What happens when you initiate it op? And I don't mean when you drop subtle hints but like actually instigating physical contact in bed

@SleepingStandingUp

What happens when you initiate it op? And I don't mean when you drop subtle hints but like actually instigating physical contact in bed

Then we will end up having sex but you just get to a point where I feel I need passion , i want him to make the move if that makes sense

Well I suppose that was part of my qn. Without juicy details, is it "we have sex, he does a-c and i don't really orgasm then he orgasms then we sleep" or is it actually passionate when you are having sex and fulfilling?

Why doesn't he feel able to instigate? If you're going to have therapy, that seems like a pivotal point