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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stay in this job

27 replies

wheresthespatula · 09/03/2022 10:43

I have two ds - Aged 5 and 9 and I've been with my partner about thirteen years. I recently started a job - five weeks ago and told them before hand I have two children so there would be hours I couldn't do as it would conflict with partner's schedule. He works eight thirty am till five pm. I do school pick ups, drop-offs, and tea time, partner does bathtime and bedtime and we have a bit of us time before we're both crashed in bed by ten pm. It's always worked for us and we dont have any issues. Both boys are in bed and asleep by eight thirty ready to be up the next morning for seven am

As I said. I recently started a job and initially they were okay with things. But they've now given me hours I just can't do. And I've tried to explain it to my boss but he's of the impression that it's my mess and I have to sort it. We can't afford after-school care or a babysitter and our families are MILES away so the boys can't stay with grandparents.

I don't know many of my neighbours so wouldn't feel right asking

AIBU to hand in my notice?

OP posts:
CoffeeBeansGalore · 09/03/2022 11:05

You were up front at the beginning and your boss has now chosen to ignore that information. If it's not going to work you have every right to resign.
Have you actually stated:
I told you before you hired me I wouldn't be able to do xvz hours & you now expect me to do them. I will have no choice but to resign.
?

Original poster
wheresthespatula · 09/03/2022 11:09

@CoffeeBeansGalore

I mentioned it when I first started, I made it abundantly clear I had children and they said they were okay with that. But all of a sudden they want me to stay extra hours or rotate my shift. It was only a part time job too and all I was doing was secretary work but they want me to go from nine thirty until two to eight thirty until three, I just can't do that. It's impossible.

OP posts:
QforCucumber · 09/03/2022 11:10

Did they agree the hours before you started? Is it a shift work role which requires cover at all times?Either way doesnt really matter, you're allowed ot leave if it doesnt work for you

Original poster
wheresthespatula · 09/03/2022 11:23

@QforCucumber - They agreed the hours. Nine thirty until two thirty which gives me time to get home and have something to eat before picking the boys up from school, it's only a part time position and someone takes over from me when I'm done

OP posts:
CoffeeBeansGalore · 09/03/2022 11:29

They are the ones changing it, not you. Not your fault.
I would go in & say I was honest & up front & told you these were the hours I was available. I cannot do the extra you want so I am giving you my notice. Be calm, factual, not accusitory.
They may backtrack, they may not. Ultimately do not be bullied into making your life difficult.
Best of luck.

Original poster
wheresthespatula · 09/03/2022 11:34

@CoffeeBeansGalore Thank you. I came here fully expected to get flamed or being told Im unreasonable and to suck it up.

OP posts:
JulesJoules · 09/03/2022 11:39

You don't need permission to resign, if the job doesn't work for you then give it up. I think your requirements for hours may be difficult to accommodate for any employer though, 8.30 until 3 doesn't seem unreasonable.

TonkaTruckduck · 09/03/2022 11:40

I imagine of you're performing well and it's a hard.to.fill role they'd be glad to keep you. Rather than immediately handing your notice in can you have a conversation about them outlining your availability?

Original poster
wheresthespatula · 09/03/2022 11:46

@TonkaTruckduck but I HAVE had that conversation. I made them aware at the interview and three times after being offered the job. I've outlined my availability. Nine AM to Two PM. I have no-one outside of our family that's even near enough to help me and I can't afford childcare. My partner has a decent job and makes good money but that money goes to bills, food shopping and necessities, plus my partner doesn't like other people looking after our kids. But that's a story for another day as it's a personal thing. We're their parents, we do the heavy lifting

OP posts:
devildeepbluesea · 09/03/2022 11:49

What does your contract say about hours?

Unilaterally changing your hours could be discrimination if it’s related to your childcare responsibilities. Not to mention illegal in another way, if your hours are stipulated in your contract.

Nogardenersworld · 09/03/2022 11:52

I don’t see why you have to resign personally
If you have your agreed hours in writing just say no.
Why do you have to say no, Ill leave.
If you want the job/money then leave them to it. That’s their mess to fix actually.

…as a side note i do think it’s a shame your job must work around the children or you have to leave. but your partners doesnt
But also your partner gets to dictate that no one else looks after your children. Effectively he is removing many work options for you.

Original poster
wheresthespatula · 09/03/2022 11:54

@devildeepbluesea I'm a part time employee. I work 26 hours a week, that's what I was contracted to. I do mid morning-early afternoon then when I finish at two someone takes over from me and does two till six thirty.

The thing is they were more than accommodating when I told them about my children in the interview, I said I didnt have family nearby and my partner wouldn't just be able to take off and pick the kids up because he'd be losing hours and he loves his job - My boss was present for it too so he knew.

OP posts:
FlickyCrumble · 09/03/2022 11:57

Can your husband drop kids off? Or maybe breakfast club? It’s a compromise and might work? Shame to ditch job because of your husbands rules that only effect your job.

Original poster
wheresthespatula · 09/03/2022 11:59

@Nogardenersworld my partner was abused by his parents, and a few members of extended family, that's why we live so far away and that's why he's cautious and doesn't like other people taking care of our sons - Because at the end of the day, you really can't trust anyone, this world isn't roses and sunshine. His Mum is Narcissistic and his Dad is even worse. I was really hoping to avoid that because it's no one's business but ours.
And no he can't take off work because he has a full time job. And if he loses hours, we lose money

OP posts:
Hidingin · 09/03/2022 12:01

So he loves his job, and because of that he won’t sort his own kids out
But also won’t let anyone except you sort them out, even if it means you having to give up your own job
That’s good of him

Original poster
wheresthespatula · 09/03/2022 12:02

@FlickyCrumble I said in my OP that we can't afford breakfast clubs or after school clubs. Not at our boys school, it's too expensive. It may be a compromise for some but for us, it won't work. School clubs don't work for everyone, that's a sad fact of life

OP posts:
AppleBirdBrush · 09/03/2022 12:13

What's your plan for school holidays?

In answer to your question though, if you have a contract that sets out the working hours you agreed, you can say no to working the extra. They may decide to not keep you on, unfortunately. Sorry you are being treated like this, it seems like they have been unfair on you and gone back on what was agreed.

Sally872 · 09/03/2022 12:18

Of course you can resign. You can always resign even if you just didn't like it.

However if I liked the job I would have a conversation again first. It will be difficult to find a job for those hours so I would try my best to get them to agree to original plan.

whereiscaroline · 09/03/2022 12:22

I don't think you should resign. You presumably have a contract for certain hours and they're trying to unilaterally change that. Can you speak to ACAS?

devildeepbluesea · 09/03/2022 12:23

@wheresthespatula it’s still important to understand what hours your contract stipulates.

namechange30455 · 09/03/2022 12:29

[quote wheresthespatula]@FlickyCrumble I said in my OP that we can't afford breakfast clubs or after school clubs. Not at our boys school, it's too expensive. It may be a compromise for some but for us, it won't work. School clubs don't work for everyone, that's a sad fact of life[/quote]
Surely breakfast club isn't more expensive than giving up your job though?

Dixiechickonhols · 09/03/2022 12:43

Can you speak to your manager. Just explain when you applied and agreed to start it was 9.30 - 2.30. You don’t have childcare.
If they need to constantly change you to lates or get you to stay short notice then it’s obviously not job for you. But if it’s just occasionally then I’d try and work with them as 9-2 type jobs are hard to find. Employers do expect some flexibility. Usually if you do then you get it reciprocated back eg if you needed to switch hours due to an appointment.
If it is just cost then looking at it overall even if you end up paying out for breakfast club you are still better off overall plus things like pension, work history on cv etc.
What do you do in school holidays? It’s obviously difficult with your partner and his history.
I note you say partner not married. Do remember you won’t get legal benefits of marriage if he dies or you split. It’s all well and good prioritising his job but if he’s no longer in picture you may be very glad of your job/pension/work history. CAB had a decent advice page.

tintodeverano2 · 09/03/2022 13:38

[quote wheresthespatula]@CoffeeBeansGalore Thank you. I came here fully expected to get flamed or being told Im unreasonable and to suck it up.[/quote]
You're not bu. You agreed hours and they have changed them. Doesn't bode well for the future of the job does it? They may change other things too.

BlingLoving · 09/03/2022 13:55

Yeah, I'm all for flexibility etc but if you agreed to accept the job on the basis that it was 9:30-14:00, then no, they can't change it on you.

You don't need any excuse to quit though.

Mermaidwaves · 09/03/2022 14:07

Its unreasonable of your employer to change your hours like this knowing upfront about your childcare situation.

It's also unreasonable of your partner to limit your working options like this, his parents behaviour shouldn't mean that your DC can't ever be looked after by other adults, that's his own issues there. I think you need to stand up to him or tell him he needs to compromise with his childcare duties.

It's always the woman who ends up making the sacrifices with family life and the men always have an excuse why they can't do it. Angry