How much time do you spend with your DP on average in a two week period? and how long have you been together?

[Coteeee]

I dont mean the living together time and milling about. I mean quality time.
Im reality testing against real life, kids, sports, friends and busy job -
Im missing my DP and would like more time together....
When Ive thought about what id actually like its:

I seem to want to have something that we jointly like doing together. Thats maybe an hour a week. We tried taekwondo (bad idea when you have to spar with each other lol) or maybe something that we have in common that we plan to go do together - liked campervaning and planned a tour. We could have lots of chats and ideas and laughs about organising it

I also seem to want to have time at least once a month were we go out - whether that be a meal, concert, walk in the park, just a couple of hours where our shoulders are relaxed and we can laugh together

My DP thinks we spend all our time together to start with as in we live together.

Obira wow. That is sad, and the extremes you describe don't ring true to me - it sounds like a parody. For most people there's far more balance and each parent might take an hour or two child free alone each weekend to recharge but enjoy the bulk of time as a family. However obviously we all experience things differently... Your description is of life with very small children and it sounds as though you both work conventional hours, so presumably you have evenings together once they're in bed?

Although obviously that's a thread derail anyway so you might not want to discuss it.

Sorry for the derail but @Obira I understand where you're coming from but I do think it's a bit sad and I wonder if you and your DH need to try some new things?

Because, and I say this as gently as I can, if you are both just enduring while with your DC, they WILL pick up on that and it will negatively impact them. I also found the baby/toddler phase extraordinarily hard work. For me, I found I enjoyed them more when I was out and about doing things, even if it was a playdate or soft play meet up with someone. Dh on the other hand found it easier to be with them at that age at home - he'd just get down in the crafting/games etc. And as they've got older, spending time with them is easier and more fun.

7 years
we have date night every friday evening from 4pm. We also spend time together all saturday and sunday.

We have no phones and watching tv together time every night after 9pm

also we spend around 2 hours on the phone whilst not together. I don't know why.

Been together 14 years, before DD came along we used to eat out every weekend and eat dinner together every night. We used to have a holiday and a couple of weekends away together a year at least.
Now we have a 2 year old and we're a bit like passing ships in the night, he works all day then I work in the evenings. We make sure we have a family day a weekend and try and fit a date night in every few weeks, ideally I'd like that to be once a month but that's childcare dependant.

Zero hours a week of the things you mention as we always have the children but I don’t personally count just “milling about” together a wasted time. I get a lot of joy from it.

To get back on topic - working parents don’t necessarily get evenings together. We get 1hr together while we eat dinner. Then one of us has to do bedtime, which with brushing teeth and reading stories and being clung to and cuddled can take 1-2 hours. By that time the other parent has probably gone to bed. It’s very hard to have any couple time because there’s always a child in the way. How much couple times you have is largely dependent on how often you have a babysitter available.

But Obira, why don't you share bedtime? I really feel like you could get so much more joy from your children if you didn't view them as this job that has to be divided between you and your partner. When DH is home for the kids' bedtime we will chat to each other while watching them in the bath; we will take advantage of the fact that we are both there to give one of them focused adult time (we have 3 so one of us always has at least 2!)
I often doze off putting my younger two to bed as I lie with them until they're asleep so DH will wake me up around 9 and then we spend a couple of hours together either chatting, watching a box set, doing a board game, meal prep, DIY, whatever it may be... It's still time together, enjoying each other's company.

Almost 18 yeas together, we barely spend any quality time together. He works away a lot and we have lots of kids, before the baby we would have the odd lunch out when the kids were at school. Just having him home is good enough most of the time, crap when he's not here for months and we barely get to speak on the phone.