my mentally ill daughter makes me feel worthless

[Jules8338]

Hi all really don’t know what to say or do anymore or who to talk to who i can relate to, came onto here hoping I can speak to any other parents in a similar boat or just have any advice for me please

My 16 and a half year old daughter is absolutely ruining me. Im trying to get her the urgent care she needs but every time i phone the GP im instantly cut off. been in counselling before but nothing helps, school and SEN are trying to come up with a plan to help her but im at the end of my tether

She went through child m*lestation and was sexually assaulted last year. takes everything out on me and her dad. I can’t help but blame myself for everything. Near on every day I have to calm ger down from screaming the house down. Has meltdowns over things like brushing her hair and slight imperfections. She’s a smart girl, well-spoken and self aware but i just don’t know what to do. I’m scared to leave her alone at night. doesn’t open up much but briefly talked to me about how she has visions and intrusive thoughts of ending her life constantly, always has the urge to hurt herself. She needs help and during some of her episodes it gets really scary and I get so close to driving her to A&E because of her breakdowns/hallucinations, thags when she’s at her most sucidal but i don’t want to have her waiting for hours when she’d rather calm down in a place like her bedroom. But apart from A&E i just don’t know where to go when she’s in a crisis. Would I be wrong for taking her or? Anyone else get help from elsewhere for their kids struggling with MH? Thank you

There should be a crisis MH team with a published phone number you can contact. Search “ crisis mental health team”. You might have to be assertive but hallucinations are serious and she needs an assessment.

You need a crisis team. You also need to realise that she has had multiple traumas which she is incapable of resolving herself. Counselling wont cut it Im afraid. Intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideation need immediate care. You should not be working through these at home no matter how much she wants that.

Take her to A and E if you don’t have a contact number for mental health crisis care, you need support with this immediately. Please don’t wait. My mum was a counsellor and would never let a patient in this type of situation leave unless the crisis team were there and engaged to help. She worked some very late nights sorting these sort of situations out and it’s so important you all have the support you need in place tonight. I really hope things improve for your daughter and your family, this sounds so distressing for you all, I’m so sorry.

Go to a rape crisis or women's aid charity. They will offer counselling specific to what she has experienced. That's the best thing for her.

While you're waiting for that the local crisis team, crisis house, Shout. Sadly the most resources go to those who shout the loudest. Could try Kooth if they have it in your area.

I’d recommend Young mind’s parents helpline to find out if she can get a referral to a trauma service but also Papyrus has a great helpline for those who are suicidal and their carers.

Agree with others, you may hate being the bad cop, but the only way you can help her is by getting her serious help. Now, not later.

She is not in a position to know what's best for her, so, although it seems the worst time to take away her autonomy, you still need to be the parent, and call the crisis mental health team. Don't leave anything out. Don't try and protect her by not including the hallucinations etc.

Without wishing to add to your burden, the quicker this is dealt with formally, the more likely she is to recover. The reverse is also true.

She needs specific trauma based therapy, my local trust has an excellent service called "trauma and veterans". Have you got something like that?

The reason she is having melt downs to small things is that her lizard brain threat system is reacting in overdrive and she is trying to keep herself safe. Until the memories can be processed properly they'll be stuck there.

I know there is a trauma centre service for young people at the Maudsley in London, its a national service but has to be accessed through referral - I'd ask your GP to look into it, but CAMHS should be able to advise too (they should, but whether they would is another thing).

I was your daughter, child abuse and molested as a young teen. At 16 my parents couldn’t cope and kicked me out.

You can call the crisis team to talk to her. I wish I had the answers but I’ve spent a lifetime on anti depressants, no amount of therapy helped, I went down a very wrong path and in the end the only thing that saved me was falling pregnant. I remember how horrible I felt as a teen, the depression and thoughts were physically painful. As the mother of a daughter now I would be petrified if she was like me, it’s so so difficult.

Badger the gps - my drs receptionist was a life saver helping me find help.

I also contacted Mind and other mental health charities.

Contacted local Carers groups as they knew how to access local help and what you are eligible for help wise.

Woman’s centres and rape support.

Social workers (honestly found them crap but maybe your local teams better).

My angel is a lady that works in Early Intervention team. I met her after surviving the ‘crisis team’.

Shout shout shout and badger groups for help.

Your local MP. Anyone. And everyone.

It’s so difficult finding what help we are entitled to for ourselves and our children. My son had a breakdown 5 years ago and developed paranoid schizophrenia. The mental health system is broken.

Massive squishes. Please keep going. Please find support and help for yourself and your well-being as well. I didn’t and developed chronic health condition by trying to be everything to everyone in my family. You can do this. xxx