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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think mum friends often gravitate to mums with babies the same sex as theirs?

20 replies

Daffodilsbythebrook · 08/03/2022 19:01

Another thread made me think of this and I wondered if others found this to be the case: if everyone else has girls and yours is a boy do you find yourself on the periphery a bit, or am I being paranoid?

OP posts:
PinkPlantCase · 08/03/2022 19:02

No I haven’t found this, DS is under 1 though.

DecentPleasant · 08/03/2022 19:03

I think girl mums gravitate to girl mums when they’re little. Now my boys are older I think girl mums are being much friendlier because the girls get a bit narky in the class with eachother

scootalooser · 08/03/2022 19:03

Oh gosh not my experience at all. Babies aren't really gendered so it's not as if you cleave to mums with girls because they have compatible play styles or whatever. I had equal b/g baby mum friends. And still do 5 years on.

OfstedOffred · 08/03/2022 19:05

A bit. Not 100%, but quite a few mums do this.

It gets worse as you hit school age. A particular breed of mum only wants their child to be friends with peers of the same sex and its amazing how it divides the class. Some schools are worse for this than others.

Tonsiltrouble · 08/03/2022 19:07

Definitely not my experience, especially with young children. Many of my ‘mum friends’ when the kids were small had babies of the opposite sex. It does gradually change over time though, there comes a point where the kids have less in common, and are less happy to play together whilst we have a coffee and chat etc, so I’ve found now that my kids are roughly halfway through primary I do spend more time with my friends who also have boys. This is also in part because of hobbies - less likely to see parents of girls on the football field etc.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/03/2022 19:09

We have a DD and most of the friends we had from before her happen to have girls. But the best friend I’ve made since has a DS and he’s DD’s best mate.

DockOTheBay · 08/03/2022 19:09

Not that I've noticed. However, at the toddler group I go to the children are about 80% girls but I haven't noticed the boy mums gravitate towards each other at all

NotNowBoris · 08/03/2022 19:10

No I pick mum friends based on their personalities and my son has to just try to befriend whichever child comes with them. He does have boy and girl pals though, and actually seems to get along best with girls who are ever so slightly older than him. He is still in preschool at the moment, so this could change.

Hermymee · 08/03/2022 19:11

Not at all when they are babies.

When they go to school, if they have close friends of the same sex then you tend to spend more time with their parents so it does happen.

Gotajobthrunepotism · 08/03/2022 19:23

I met a whole group of mums and it was both boys and girls. The friend I meet up with mostly these days has two girls and I have a boy. They still have a ball playing together. My sons best friend at school is a wee girl though

PurBal · 08/03/2022 19:24

I gravitate to the mums I like…

GigantosaurusRex · 08/03/2022 19:37

I was one of the oldest mums at baby group so I tended to gravitate more towards the ones who were closer to my age, oh and the ones who were friendly towards me!

ParadiseLaundry · 08/03/2022 19:43

I haven't noticed this, I have noticed that mums with similar parenting styles and outlooks tend to form friendships groups though.

BogRollBOGOF · 08/03/2022 19:52

When the babies from my antenatal group got to about 18m there was a bit of a split as many of the mums of girls were happy to go to craft based activities and many of the mums of boys would recoil in the horror at the thought of 3 minutes of body-painting and 57 minutes of trying to herd a toddler with more energy than sense. Soft play did tend to be generally popular.

As my DCs have got older I've kept adult-adult relationships with my friends who had opposite sex children (not that DS1 is socially motivated) but I've got a family-family friendship with a pre-existing friend who has fortuitously had two well-timed sons of compatible disposition to mine and for bonus points, similar parenting style Grin

WTF475878237NC · 08/03/2022 19:54

I'd say similar parenting style has been more of a factor in relationships I have observed and been part of.

Twilightstarbright · 08/03/2022 20:02

I noticed this. My NCT group was 5 girls, 2 boys and there were definitely a few comments made about how lucky they were to have girls. They were idiots but definitely gravitated to each other as their girls would be besties forever Hmm

I think there’s a certain type of person who bonds with another mum based on also having a boy/girl. My friends had a mix, and we met with our preschoolers doing swimming lessons.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/03/2022 20:03

Not when babies but prob from late preschool age up

Cherrysherbet · 08/03/2022 20:07

When they go to school, yes.

Chasingaftermidnight · 08/03/2022 20:08

Yes I’ve started to notice this. DS is 2.5.

TheSnowyOwl · 08/03/2022 20:09

I think they gravitate to those they get on with best of all and once older, are more likely to befriend those their child likes.

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