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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask dh to do an lft?

31 replies

LightingCandles · 08/03/2022 18:43

Dd tested positive on Friday night.
I have tested positive today, despite bing triple jabbed.
On telli g dh, I had gone back to bed at the time as had been tossi g and turning alll night lwith temperature and aches, he said can u move to the couch pls. (so he doesn't get it I suppose)
Due to other reasons, he is currently signed off sick and spends most of the day in bed, plus it's warmer there.
Anyway, later on today I asked how he was. Apparently he is feeling xrap. I asked him if he could take an lft please. Not least because it means I can move off the uncomfortable couch as he would then already have it, iyswim?

I have asked quite a few times and even explained how uncomfortable the couch is for me atm and he keeps on saying he will do it "later"

OP posts:
Notmrsfitz · 08/03/2022 18:47

I think you need to say, he needs to do one right now and if it’s positive then you can go back to your bed if it’s not then something else needs to happen possibly your daughter shares the double with you whilst he sleeps in her bed.
It is unfair to expect you to sleep on the settee or squeeze in with your daughter whilst not taking a lft himself to determine state of play.

I think he’s being an arse and dragging it out.

Onlyforcake · 08/03/2022 18:49

Get in the bed. Refuse to move until he shows you a negative LFT done in front of you!

TheLadyGrayson · 08/03/2022 18:57

I would just get in bed. My OH seemed to want to swerve an LFT when I had covid, it was later and later every day when he eventually took his test. We shared a bed and he never got it though. Your DH is probably just a bit anxious of the result.

Original poster
LightingCandles · 08/03/2022 19:02

Things, he is in bed by choice, not illness. He just likes To be warm.
I am genuinely uncomfortable and struggling.
Even if he is negative surely I should get the bed as I am physically ill?
I might just go up tbh.

OP posts:
Looneytune253 · 08/03/2022 19:04

Why can't he sleep on the couch if you're the one actually ill?

autumnboys · 08/03/2022 19:05

I’ve just slept on a camp bed and then the sofa for over a week so my Covid + husband could sleep in the bed. It’s really selfish of your husband to put off testing.

dirtyjoan · 08/03/2022 19:07

You definitely get the bed being positive and unwell. If he wants to sleep there too he can but he takes his own risk.
If he tests and is positive too then there's no issue with sharing.

He sounds like a dick. No way would my husband make me sleep on the sofa if I'm ill.

Original poster
LightingCandles · 08/03/2022 19:19

I just went up.
I got accused of putting him at risk as we don't know his status.
I said he is refusing to find out his status by doing an lft.
He said he isn't refusing, he said he would do it later.
I said OK then putting it off. If he is negative then we can have a discussion about the bed.
Positive then no issue.
Then his mam called (she is in hospital) so the discussion ended.
I am back downstairs.
He even said I hadn't articulated I wanted fthe bed until now.
I HAVE. I said earlier could h take one cos then at least I can go to bed.
I'm so upset.

OP posts:
ffscovid · 08/03/2022 19:26

If he has symptoms, he needs a PCR not LFT.

Original poster
LightingCandles · 08/03/2022 19:47

He went for a ciggy while talking to his mam, so I have snuck into bed.
His choice if he now comes up or not.
Ifhe is negative I predict a argument at bed time.
I am not moving

OP posts:
LoganberryJam · 08/03/2022 19:49

Good for you OP. He's being really selfish. You're the one who's ill so you get the bed!

girlmom21 · 08/03/2022 19:50

Why did you let him kick you out the bed in the first place?!
Why doesn't he go and stop at his moms if he's worried about catching it and she's not there?

GeneLovesJezebel · 08/03/2022 19:51

If you’re ill you get the bed.

PatchworkElmer · 08/03/2022 19:57

Wow. Is he always this inconsiderate and nasty?

lollidream · 08/03/2022 19:58

The ill person gets the bed imo. He's being ridiculous.

Sexnotgender · 08/03/2022 19:59

What a knob. DO NOT get out of the bed for him.

And reconsider your relationship as a whole.

Original poster
LightingCandles · 08/03/2022 20:02

He can't go to his mams as she lives in a different country. Plus she is currently in hospital(one of the factors of his depression) Plus we have three Dc. One who is also positive. One going through gcse.

OP posts:
Original poster
LightingCandles · 08/03/2022 20:21

He has done the test and is negative. He said I am taking from our discussion earlier that I am sllepong on the couch then. I said that was up to him. He was all wel you said you were uncomfortable and I don't want my wife to be uncomfortable.
?!? I was like I have bee like that all day and you kept putting off the test!! He still reckons I didn't bring it up until late in the day.
It ended with asking if the Dc doing gcse has taken a test. I said no as they don't want to take time off school. He said I needed to ask as it would come better from me as he had an argument with them yesterday. Fine.
He walked out slinging go in and ask them as he walked out.
Literally two minutes later, I can now hear them arguing about Dc taking a test. Ffs. Why tell me to ask then go downstairs and literally the next second ask Dc when he has asked me to.

OP posts:
Meggie2008 · 08/03/2022 20:49

The I'll person has the bed. When I had covid, my partner slept on the couch and I had the bed. He stated there until he tested positive 8 days later, and then he moved into bed with me as we both had it.

Original poster
LightingCandles · 08/03/2022 20:55

See but that's his argument too. He is also ill. Has been signed off with depression for over two months now. Hence why he rarely leaves the bed. He brought up that he has done the dishes and fed th youngest today despite feeling ill.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 08/03/2022 20:59

Give him a gold star 🌟

Is he dealing with his depression or just sitting in bed with it

FWIW I suffer with depression the bed is where I want to be it is NOT where I should be

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 08/03/2022 21:04

This may sound harsh but staying in bed all day is unlikely to have been recommended by his doctor. Getting up and doing light stuff around the house or popping to the shops will be better for him than staying in bed. I hope that you are all feeling better soon.

Original poster
LightingCandles · 08/03/2022 21:16

We had discussion about his depression the other day.
I said I have had depression, medicated, pnd and I didn't sit in bed all day.. I still got up and did stuff as I had two babies to look after. I didn't have the luxury of lying in bed all day.
He said he does have that luxury due to paid sick leave. I said it only lasts so long and he needs to deal with it or we get to the end of that period and it hasn't changed anything. He needs to sort it before that period ends. Each day he needs to, as a minimum, eat, take meds and shower. The only one of those he is doing regularly is taking his meds. He says he is eating and I don't see it as I am at work. I said as long as he does those things then I can sort the rest to support him. And I have been. Fwiw I get up early, sort the house, sort the kids, walk half hour to work, work then walk home. Youngest Dc usually sorts their own dinner, (fussy and likes cooking) and eldest sorts theirs (vegetarian and has meds that reduce appetite so eats at a different time) so only one Dc to sort out.
Yesterday I got it in the neck as I accidentally forgot to put eldest meds under a glass for them (they got it themselves) even though I said I would. Yes, my bad, I was rushing out to work and forgot. But bare in mind I had so tidied the house and sorted dinner in the slow cooker too that morning! (for Oldest two, youngest needed dinner making) I still got calls on the way to work of the oldest and dh arguing over shoes. Ffs.

Anyway, I went downstairs to sort a water bottle for the night and went back up and he is in bed. I got my. Pillow to come downstairs. He was like don't be ridiculous. Wtf. I said he made the big deal about me putting him at risk but now, as he cannot be arsed to get the spare duvet from the vacuum bag, he is fine with me being there? He reckons it's not that he can't be arsed, which is is cis he said he couldn't be arsed, it's that he has spent all day with me (him upstairs and me. Downstairs??) and still tested negative so it's not necessary.
I took my pillows and came. Down stairs and said I wasn't willing to take the risk of him having a go at me if he subsequently tests positive.
He recoksn he wouldn't do that.

OP posts:
RoyKentsChestHair · 08/03/2022 21:47

Is he definitely negative? Have you seen the test? Seems weird that he’s changed his tune.

And re the child not wanting to take a test as they don’t want to miss school, that doesn’t sound awfully fair on the rest of their year who will no doubt stay at home if they catch it as advised.

Sparkletastic · 08/03/2022 22:01

Get back in bed. You need it more. His choice if he joins you.