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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Help needed- Snoring

49 replies

Jambalaya76 · 08/03/2022 07:15

Sorry for putting this in the wrong place, not sure where it should sit for maximum audience.
My husband and I both snore. He falls asleep first, then I nudge him as he is snoring, this goes on for a while. Then I fall asleep and start snoring and he nudged me. This can go on for hours. We are both exhausted. We are both in our 40's and quite fit and healthy and have been together 20 plus years. the snoring has only been happening the past couple of years. This makes us extremely tired and grumpy the next day.

I am after pillow recommendations for a quick fix while we are looking into other things. I haven't a clue what to look for though. Any recommendations for us to try before we end up in separate rooms which we both definitely don't want to do. Thank you for reading

OP posts:

LouisaLovesMice · 09/03/2022 12:26

Agree with pp, you have to find out WHY you snore. If it only started two years ago it obviously isn't something like excessively narrow nasal passages etc, which you've always had. So what changed two years ago? Did you put on any weight at all, even a few pounds? You say you're healthy but you can be healthy and have a double chin! Even a small amount of excess in the neck area can make you snore. What about alcohol? Do you snore if totally sober?
Failing that definitely go to GP. Don't just assume it's normal. But if no luck finding a cause, definitely go for separate rooms. If you make an effort it won't kill your marriage!

userxx · 09/03/2022 19:48

[quote RandomMess]@userxx we even sleep separately when we go to his parents 🤣 fortunately their spare bed is too short for him so I get the bed and he has the study floor [/quote]

You lucky lucky woman 😏

RandomMess · 09/03/2022 19:56

I am Userxx I really am!

singlepringlenotbychoice · 09/03/2022 19:59

Ear plugs. They don't block out noise completely but dull it enough to not wake you up. Highly recommend Howard Leight ones available on Amazon

RampantIvy · 09/03/2022 20:12

Ear plugs for the short term, but you still need to address the snoring.

Purpleavocado · 09/03/2022 20:21

I know you don't want to sleep in separate rooms, but it is actually bloody brilliant! I know longer want to kill dh when he instantly falls asleep and starts snoring.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 09/03/2022 20:23

@MurmuratingStarling

Sorry to ask this, but if you have a spare bedroom *@Jambalaya76* why on earth do you 'not want to sleep in separate rooms?'

It's untenable for 2 grown adults to share the same bed indefinitely ... Sleep deprivation is a form of torture, and NOBODY should be suffering this. It's bad for your physical AND mental health.

If someone has a spare bedroom it's batshit to not use it. It's all lovely and romantic to sleep in the same bed when your relationship is in the early stages and you're in the first stages of your romance. But the novelty wears off. Men start to snore by around their early to mid 30s, and it is IMPOSSIBLE to share a room.

I think it's very old fashioned and dated to assume a couple absolutely should share a bed.

Sod remedies and shit. Make the spare room your own.

Lots of women start snoring post menopause, it’s not just men, my ex MIL snored like a chainsaw.

Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 09/03/2022 20:23

After 7 nights with literally NO sleep at all due to my DH's snoring, I was so sleep deprived, that I think I almost lost my mind! My DH woke up and saw me hovering with a pillow about to put it over his head and shut him up permanently!! From then on we started sleeping in separate beds. We stay together usually until he's ready to sleep, then he toddles off to spare bed, and I settle down when I'm ready. Much better than committing murder due to loss of sleep!

RandomMess · 09/03/2022 20:29

DH is currently snoozing on the sofa and I want to murder him as I can't hear the TV over the 🤬 snoring!

RampantIvy · 09/03/2022 21:37

@RandomMess

DH is currently snoozing on the sofa and I want to murder him as I can't hear the TV over the 🤬 snoring!

Record him, wake him up and demand that he sees his GP.

RandomMess · 09/03/2022 21:40

Rampantly he's overweight and has psoriatic arthritis so suffers with extreme fatigue.

Still makes me feel murderous though. I can hear him in the spare room!

RampantIvy · 09/03/2022 22:29

The snoring won't help with the fatigue either, so losing weight and getting a sleep study done to establish whther he suffers from sleep apnoea is something he needs to seriously consider.

I know I am rather evangelistic about snoring, sleep apnoea and CPAP machines, but it is foolish to underestimate the dangers of snoring and sleep apnoea. Anyone who suffers from this shouldn't be driving.

sairiegamp · 09/03/2022 22:37

I snore. I discovered this fact when I tracked it with a sleep app. So I bought a Baavet pillow and douvet. My snoring has dropped from a total of about 90 mins to 10 mins snoring a night.

RandomMess · 09/03/2022 22:40

RampantIvy oh how I have tried to get him back to the GP.

He has food addiction/comfort eating issues but when he lost a few stone at the start of Covid the snoring pretty much stopped. Very hard when you are in pain and tired not to comfort eat. He loved his long sleep even when young and not snoring and not ill!

Also he doesn't do the the pausing thing of sleep apnea thankfully.

DuckPancake · 09/03/2022 22:51

My DP is snoring very aggressively next to me right now but I cannot hear a thing. I put my earphones in and whack a pink noise track on repeat on Spotify. White noise wasn't quite the right frequency so I could STILL hear snores on full volume. Pink noise is the best.

52andblue · 09/03/2022 23:14

Vinniepolis · 09/03/2022 23:31

I snore really badly and my husband has Bose sleepbuds - they play white noise which you can select through an app. They’re expensive - around £200 I think - but imo are so worth it as we both get to sleep without being distubed by snoring or being kicked in the night! He’s used them for a couple of years now.

RampantIvy · 10/03/2022 07:20

Have you sought help for your snoring @Vinniepolis?

SixteenTwelve · 10/03/2022 08:27

DP snores something awful (sinus problems and even worse when he has a drink so weekends are tricky). The ONLY thing I have found to help after 6 years of in investigation is DP to wear a nasal strip to open airways and sleep on his side as much as possible, white noise, and if I wake up and can’t get back to sleep I have some noise cancelling headphones and listen to some relaxing music.

Ear plugs don’t work for me, they seem to block out next to no sound at all (I have tried lots although admittedly not the really expensive ones) and they also fall out of my ear in the night.

SixteenTwelve · 10/03/2022 08:28

@Vinniepolis

I have thought about buying these in the past and then feel like I can’t justify the cost (although I have probably spent equivalent over the years on cheaper things that don’t work). Interesting to know they actually do the job!

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 10/03/2022 11:20

Hi @Thunderpunt so sorry for the late reply, My CPAP machine is quite small maybe about the size of a playstation machine! It is very quiet. I have a full face mask and it does take a bit of getting used to but its fine, My apnea has reduced from 96 to 4 in 2 weeks .how cool is that! But above and beyond anything else,snoring aside,its how I feel, I cannot begin to tell you the difference this machine has made to me and the rest of the family! I feel literally like a new person. I cannot genuinely stress enough how life changing this has been, I didnt try one before I was diagnosed,the hospital measured me for the mask,walked me through how to use the machine,how to wash my mask etc and that was it. I go back now monthly so they can take readings to monitor how i am doing, I now not only sleep better but its quality sleep, I cannot recomend my little portable black box more strongly. It really has been a complete life saver and game changer for me,

userxx · 10/03/2022 19:55

@RampantIvy

The snoring won't help with the fatigue either, so losing weight and getting a sleep study done to establish whther he suffers from sleep apnoea is something he needs to seriously consider.

What are the dangers of snoring ? I know sleep apnea is where you stop breathing.

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 10/03/2022 20:11

the snoring often becoes part of the sleep apnea. Your muscles relax too much and block the airways therefore the snoring is amplified in volue too I think? The muscles vibrate and need to be kept open properly,The CPAP machine blows a constant stream of air into the mouth therefore helping to keep the muscles from collapsing Then less vibration in my case equals a snorer who could wake up next door to no snoring at all!!

19lottie82 · 12/07/2024 16:05

Bar cpap machine if you have sleep apnea there’s no magic cure I’m afraid.
seperate rooms is the easiest.

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