Someone please tell me if IABU.
I share two children with a man who says he is too busy at work to spend time with his children. Our youngest is nearly 1 years old and he has spent one day with her (literally, one day).
I have asked repeatedly for him to take her so I can concentrate on my studies during my maternity leave and I have to return to a job I loathe, which he is fully aware of. He works freelance and has boasted previously that he can make his own hours. I wasn't expecting every day, just a few hours regularly each week, even a weekend I didn't mind. I just need the headspace to concentrate.
He has said "no, I'm too busy" and accused me of sabotaging his career😒.
Previously we lived together and my salary supported our family of 4 for 5 years, with no financial contribution from him. Am I wrong to think that the he should be willing to support my change of career by watching the baby some times?
I have asked for contributions towards extra childcare and he says he cannot afford it and for me to ask that of him is unfair. Am I being an a**whole here?
He expects me to remind him about our oldest child's activities, remind him to call when he said he would etc. I said he needs a wife, nanny or a secretary and I am neither.
He has repeatedly violated my privacy when he has visited the children at home. Entering my bedroom without knocking, wearing shoes indoors which he knows in my culture is a sign of respect (and hygiene with a crawling baby). AIBU asking that he collects the children and has them at his home instead?
Lastly you may be wondering how is he meant to have the children? Freelance work is unpredictable. I know I worked freelance for 12 years, that's what calendars and priorities are for?
This guy schedules when to brush his teeth, but it's too difficult to schedule time with his children? AIBU?
Most recently he ignored my messages about a financial contribution towards the children this month, he provided a small amount last month which I was very grateful for. I haven't pushed the financial matter due to Covid hitting some businesses and he said this was the case for him too.
However I am now finding out that he has just purchased a new car, takes theatre trips, eats out and is now on a week's holiday with the woman that he cheated on me with during the my pregnancy.
This older woman is now ranting about 'young girls' online keeping children from their fathers and how she is willing to support her partner for custody. I have never met or spoken to this woman.
Furthermore I have agreed with my ex that if someone new and special came into either of our lives we would introduce them to each other.
AIBU for being miffed? Is there a side to this that I am not seeing?
I had hoped of coming to an agreement regarding the children and finances but I'm struggling to see an end in sight to this chaos.
My family are supportive but they work and my children are my responsibility after all. His mother is sick with mobility issues and when I reached out to her, she offered help but is an hour and a half drive away. Logistically and financially it isn't ideal.
I just don't understand why someone would ask someone they are in a committed relationship with with one child already, to expand their family because their job plans are going well and we're both getting older (not wiser). Only to turn around and cheat 3 months into the pregnancy? Not be present at the birth, contribute as little as possible physically, emotionally and financially AND have no 'time' for your children but has time and money to date?
I barely have time and money to think straight and keep myself warm with these rising energy prices.
There are many MANY pieces to this puzzle. So AIBU expecting a 'busy' man to spend time or provide consistent financial support for his children?
*He has 2 much older children from a previousrelationship. We have 2 together.