To dislike my son

Angstyhedgehog · 2022-03-07T20:59:03+00:00

13. ASD. Total dick most of the time. Relentlessly vile to his sibling. Constantly putting them down and being unkind despite them being 7 years younger than him (you’re rubbish at everything, you’re not relevant, how stupid can you be etc). I know siblings often don’t get on but it’s all the time and totally unprovoked. Also he has no concept of personal space and is continually heaving his sibling about or pushing them over. I’ve said a million times that he’s too big and strong and it makes zero difference. He also does it to his Gran, she’s much smaller than he is. He tackled her and broke her wrist not long ago. Not intentionally. But because he’s no awareness of his own strength. He drives me insane - constantly on the go, making noises. However I could cope with that if he wasn’t so nasty all the time. I’m totally totally over it.

3 replies

Angstyhedgehog · 07/03/2022 20:59

ASD. Total dick most of the time. Relentlessly vile to his sibling. Constantly putting them down and being unkind despite them being 7 years younger than him (you’re rubbish at everything, you’re not relevant, how stupid can you be etc). I know siblings often don’t get on but it’s all the time and totally unprovoked. Also he has no concept of personal space and is continually heaving his sibling about or pushing them over. I’ve said a million times that he’s too big and strong and it makes zero difference. He also does it to his Gran, she’s much smaller than he is. He tackled her and broke her wrist not long ago. Not intentionally. But because he’s no awareness of his own strength. He drives me insane - constantly on the go, making noises. However I could cope with that if he wasn’t so nasty all the time. I’m totally totally over it.

OP posts:

Skyblueclouds77 · 07/03/2022 21:07

Hello OP,

I have a son with ASD, he is younger than your DS but can also be hard work. You have my full sympathy! Some days he drains me totally, even though I love him all the world!
Do you get one on one time with your ds much? Perhaps take him out just the two of you to a place he's interested in, a museum or historical site for example? Or even bowling or swimming, ask him what he prefers. It may be that if he's apart from his sibling and other family members he would be calmer and you could try and talk to him about being kind and mindful around others and the importance of personal space etc. My DS is a big lad for his age and is quite physically strong and boisterous, although he doesn't mean it. He comes to hug me and knocks me flying at times and looks confused when I tell him to be careful

Skyblueclouds77 · 07/03/2022 21:10

I also find my DS gets crotchety and at times rather unpleasant if he's bored/tired. I try and get him to let off steam in the garden or park for a bit which can help. He also makes noises too like tapping on objects but I don't think he's even aware of doing it so it's hard to tell him off for it and I feel guilty if I do. It's so hard at times

DelphiniumBlue · 07/03/2022 21:36

He broke his Gran's wrist? Bloody hell! I will say that boys of this age sometimes don't have the self-awareness that they are not babies but almost grown men in terms of size and strength, but he should not be "tackling" his Gran! What consequences have ensued? If she'll allow it, he should at the very least be looking after her, doing her housework, making her bed, bringing her tea. etc.
But what is happening about his ASD? Does he have help to manage it? Does he have ADHD as well? - it sounds as if that is a possibility.
I'd start with the GP for a referral, and also email the SENDCO at school to see what they have put in place and what help they can offer.
I don't know enough about what support is available but there are lots of experienced people here and hopefully they can help.
It's probably not just his personality, but his condition which makes him difficult to live with- if the right support was in place, which might include medication and a structured behaviour plan, he might become easier to deal with.
It's worrying that his gran has already suffered physically, it sounds as if his younger sibling could be at risk. You need support to help him, it sounds totally overwhelming.

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