To feel so deflated

[EasterEggsOnToast]

I’m a student and I’m studying a degree in a healthcare profession (sorry for being vague, I just don’t want it to be identifying).

We have to attend practicals and on campus practice activities where we practice skills in groups, like a doctor practicing speaking to patients and asking questions or going over practical skills on each other whilst being supervised (aaaaand I've just given myself away! Oh well)

I’m usually happy with my progress and I felt like I was becoming more confident and competent, but I did absolutely terribly at my last practical and it’s been playing on my mind ever since. We were only practising skills on each other so I was with another student, and I had an assessor watching me (I wasn’t being assessed but obviously we have to be under supervision) and I made so many little mistakes. It was nothing terrible or major but little things like speaking too quickly or asking closing questions, and other little minor mistakes that wouldn’t be extremely serious but still mistakes nonetheless.

Itfelt like everything I did was wrong and that the assessor wasn’t happy with me. I came out feeling so deflated and like I wanted to quit the course and never go back. Obviously I’m not going to, but I felt so stupid and useless. The other students were doing so well and were getting lots of (very well deserved) praise but I felt like everything I did was wrong and not good enough. The more mistakes I made, the worse I did with the rest of the practical.

It was just a bad day but I wanted to burst into tears. Obviously I really want feedback especially when I’m performing poorly, and the examiner wasn’t unfair in their criticism of me, but I felt like I just wanted to sob and run out and never come back. I’m really anxious about my next practical this week in case the same thing happens.

My assessor said they were very happy with my progress and where I’m at for my stage in university. and that I’m at the same level as everyone else, but today I felt like I was the idiot in the group and couldn’t do anything right.

Does anyone have any advice or personal experience? I know I need to grow a thicker skin but it’s so hard. Thanks💕

Do you get marked?

If it was only that one day, sounds like you just had an off day and if you've been doing well apart from that, the assessors will have probably recognised that if they did notice anything (when you said they were unhappy with you, did they say anything or are you just assuming this because of how you were feeling?).

If it is really bothering you, could you maybe talk to them and say you were having an off day at your last practical? I certainly wouldn't wouldn't let it put you off, your confidence has just taken a knock.

Focus on what you have done right, not what you think you've done wrong. It sounds like the rights outweigh the wrongs anyway so you're doing great!

We don’t get marks but get given verbal advice on what to improve and what we are doing well. We only really get given a mark for practical skill exams.

Thank you so much for the reassuring comment. It was last week but it has been playing on my mind ever since and I was actually really upset when I went home. I’ve probably made it a much bigger thing in my head than it ever needed to be, I just suddenly got so worried that I was the idiot of the group and didn’t belong there. My assessors feedback was tough but fair and I know I need to improve things, it just felt a bit deflating when everyone else got a mix of positive and negative advice and I didn’t get anything positive, it felt like I hadn’t done anything right and I just wanted to go home and drop out!

Thanks again for the reassurance, i’m sure it was just a bad day💕

I used to lecture on a health care degree, so many students feel like this if things 'go wrong', its because you care about it so much.
I know so many who were devastated by something similar and are wonderful qualified professionals now.
Be kind to yourself, it will be ok.

Is it medicine?

If it is ( and i mean this kindly) you need to learn how to deal with being a perfectionist because otherwise you are going to really struggle. Medicine attracts perfectionists but ultimately its an art not a science and you will fuck up occasionally. The important thing is that you learn from mistakes, try your hardest and dont internalise your mistakes as it will eat you up and your mental health will be screwed.

This is actually a great learning point .... what did you do wrong? What went well? What can you do differently in the future? Why did your brain go to leaving the course ( catastophising?)?

Ive had cbt in the past and it really helped me. If this is happening a lot it might be worth exploring similar.