I don’t like that a friend told another friend something and I’m not sure why

[IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece]

AIBU probably isn’t the right place but not sure where to put it!

To start, I know I have big issues surrounding my weight, I’m a 22 down from a 32 but VERY much still in a size 32 mindset. I’ve been bullied and laughed at by strangers for years and it’s always a focal point so I am very over sensitive about it and I am massively bothered when someone discusses it behind my back even in a v supportive way and friend knows this

I was talking to a friend about needing to find a new job as the one I have isn’t enough hours, she suggested a customer facing reception job and I said that I like the idea but I’ve applied for some recently and didn’t get them and I wasn’t confident it wasn’t to do with my weight and I didn’t think I was the look they would be going for. She was supportive and confident it wasn’t a problem

I spoke to her last night and she said she’d spoken to her v close friend about it and he thought he might be able to help with a job and she told him about my concerns over my weight and he was confident it wasn’t an issue as others are my size there so it would be fine.

I’m REALLY bothered that she discussed this part with him (and it’s not him that’s the problem, he’s a lovely kind man and just isn’t in him to be unkind) but I can’t put my finger on why, it wasn’t unkind or taunting, probably the opposite but I’m really uncomfortable with it and I’m kind of hoping someone can help me work out WHY I’m so bothered (and that I’m being unreasonable!)

I don’t think you’re being over-sensitive at all, as some have suggested. You have a boundary, she crossed it, and it would be worth her knowing she did, unless you explicitly asked her to solve your problem for you.

For goodness sake.

She mentioned it to him because she did not want to put you in another situation where you were anxious about your appearance. She was protecting you AND doing her best to help you get a job where you'll be appreciated for who and what you are.

Stop weaponising your size to belittle other people.

She's not the enemy. You're your own worst enemy .

Good for you OP listening to the feedback so quickly. I wanted to say as a size 20-ish jobseeker, I know I feel sensitive about my appearance. I get interviews okay as I am very strong on paper but on a Zoom I look all my years and inches, and it is quickly apparent - often embarrassingly quickly - it will be a no. More fool them, as I am amazing.

Anyway, just wanted to say, it might be as simple as "Bernadette is leaving at the end of March. Now I got to go through recruitment all over again." "Hmm. My friend IHope is looking. She is not finding it easy, although she is actually really good."
"What's making it difficult?" "She feels people see her size first. And she is not exactly huge! Lost a lot of weight recently." "She'd do fine at ours, I should think. Perhaps ask her to apply?"

It would be a shame to let two sorts of people hurt your feelings, ones who reject you and then also ones who try to assist and actively encoourage. But you already got that figured on page 1 OP!

I'm not surprised you're sensitive about it, anybody would be after living with random abuse about your weight. And congratulations on your weight loss, you've done so well.

But, I do think your friend and her friend had your best interests at heart. It does feel funny to know you've been discussed when you weren't aware of it, but you can see that they value you and want to help. I would try to focus on that rather than the vulnerable feelings.

In order to have lost the weight you have, you've shown strength and determination. You've coped with a lot of adversity, you seem like you have a lot of resilience and ability to look for positives in any situation. Use that to move on and up.

More fool them, as I am amazing

I LOVE this!

I recently asked for feedback on why I didn’t get a nannying job and was told that they were not confident I would provide nutritious food or be a healthy role model for their children which is crap because I’m fucking excellent at nannying, there just isn’t enough work here so I need to branch out!

I genuinely appreciate most of your responses, she absolutely wouldn’t have meant anything by it other then support, she just isn’t that person and I do need to and probably owe it to myself, to change my thinking

Now, off to find someone else to belittle by using my size as a weapon…!

That's good to read - hope it's sunny where you are!

@impossible

That's good to read - hope it's sunny where you are!

Beautifully so today

Now, off to find someone else to belittle by using my size as a weapon…!

😂I like your spirit. Who wouldn't want you as a colleague/employee?