Is this him or me ?

[Whoknows009]

I met someone a few years back at work. We were causal friends. He then started to pursue me, he has two kids . There is an age gap , I was wary of this and of him having kids as I have none . We started to go for coffee and this developed into a relationship , he said he wanted a future with me , he actually asked me to move in and I met his kids .

I found out he was still married but separated . His wife told him she didn’t want him and moved in with another man a few months later . Their divorce has been ongoing for 6 years . When I bought this up , he told me she delayed it. If I questioned why, he defended her. He just said it’s not a priority for her and she is happy with her man He had nice things to say about her , but not me .

We were in a relationship, there was no sign of me but I could see her tagged in posts, unrelated to the kids.I told him I thought that was strange , he said he never used Facebook .

In the end he told my how I felt was unreasonable and I need someone with no relationship history. We are now over after a year .

Is he right ? Is it normal for a divorce to drag out this long? Do people stay in contact on Facebook and the like with people they want to divorce ?? I have no experience of this . I don’t stay in contact with my exes . He told me I was pathetic to care about Facebook.

He was still married don’t spend another minute thinking about him

It doesn’t sound like a great relationship anyway, you’re better off without this drama

Run, don't walk.

He sounds like a shithead who wanted you to accept the crumbs you were given and not question anything.

Still married for sure, and probably never even separated in any way. Steer clear.

The marriage part is not good but I don't think the fb bit is that weird. Makes a nice change to the men who always say their ex was a psycho etc.

I've been fighting to get my divorce through since 2018, he's dragging his heels at every turn and the court because of Covid has a massive backlog.

The court are dealing with a guy who first went in 2005 and and is still waiting.

It can drag but you can push too- the party involved- not OP.

I disagree about the marriage bit. I was separated from my ex husband for several years when I met my DH and we had been together for several years before I got divorced. This is for two reasons... I didn't want to get married again (we did in the end) and I didn't see why the burden of arranging the divorce should be mine. Eventually my ex wanted to get married again (I pity the woman he married and wonder if they are still together) so he arranged the divorce. Probably the only thing he managed to do in our entire marriage!

I also disagree he was still in the marriage, plenty of people split and remain in contact to co parent there is nothing unusual here, not every split is horribly acrimonious.

And yes op, often sone divorces drag out, often for years, it can be anything from one party not wanting it, to disagreements over finances.

I don’t stay in contact with my exes
Totally different when you have shared children.

Some people do stay friends with exes, and why not, if amicable?

Did you express mild surprise and ask generally about the progress of their divorce and how amicable are they, or did you get upset, angry, accuse him, etc?

There can be any number of reasons that a divorce gets delayed from complacency / laziness to a deliberate decision about assets, a cynical move around assets, or else emotional manipulation. Hard to say what is going on here.

But I wouldn’t move in or have any involvement with someone who was still married.

Move on from this and put it down to a bullet dodged.

Perhaps you came across as a bit untrusting about it all, but it doesn’t sound as if his level of commitment was what you needed. Sounds best that it’s over.