Age gap kids

[dozyjosie]

I'm due in a couple of weeks and also have a ds age 11. Big age gap I know but that's just how life has turned out for me.

I'm starting to wonder how things will work logistically though. Ds weekends are often taken up with sporting activities - football matches, rugby training, swimming lessons and ferrying around to friends. I will have help at the start but I don't want to suddenly become absent at these things. The same with kid focused activities. Obviously baby won't be able to do things that my son enjoys such as the cinema. I'm planning to bf so it won't be easy to leave baby for a while.

Just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to manage this sort of scenario.

Bump

Hi, I have 10 years between my two children, so a similar age gap (although different father's).

How does your DS feel about the baby? Do you have support from partner/husband?

My eldest doesn't do aot of activities but the dynamic does change when the baby comes. My youngest is now 2 and very busy/demanding. I do feel guilty for my eldest because I have to constantly run around after his brother and he's noisy and demanding! Having said that, I'm lucky that my eldest is a caring boy and adores his younger brother and is very protective of him (although sometimes annoyed by him- we all are 🤣).

You can still take baby to some activities. The others you probably won't be able to do so frequently.
I can't take my eldest to the cinema as frequently and couldn't go to a fair etc just the 3 of us. Also, going out for lunch together can be a hassle as the youngest won't sit still. Saying that, I arrange for my youngest dad (my partner) to occasionally have him do I can take the eldest to the cinema. If you have support then setting aside time for the 2 of you can help. I so breastfed and didn't leave him so much in the early days, although I did express and obviously this will offer more flexibility.

Thank you for replying. Ds is excited but at the same time he is 11, he doesn't have a huge interest in babies and will probably find him/her quite boring!

Different dads here too so I will have some help as ds goes to his dads EOW. And yes my husband is helpful and supportive but if I bf I will be doing so exclusively for a while so won't be able to leave baby.

I suppose it kind of hit me this weekend standing at ds rugby in the wind and rain thinking how the hell would this work with a tiny baby? It just wouldn't. I've had 10 years of dedicating life to my ds so I'm already feeling guilty about being stretched between two and baby isn't even here yet!

@dozyjosie bless you, you'll settle and get into a routine. I felt so, so guilty having another baby. Esp9as they had different dad's. The day before my c section I cried and cried to my mum that I didn't want another baby, I wouldn't love him and I only wanted it to be me and my eldest.
It did get easier though. Also breastfeeding out and about wasn't as bad as I thought, it just required planning. I'd literally feed him just before leaving the house. If he needed feeding when out I'd pop somewhere discret or even sit in the car for a bit. The first few months are hardest but it'll get easier.

I have a 15yr gap between my 2nd and 3rd! My 2nd plays football and I was lucky in a way that baby was born in lockdown so for first 4mth football wasn’t on. I EBF so she was always with me but I’d just drive to football and feed her whilst my older daughter went to warm up then wrap her up warm in pram and we would watch first half then I’d take Abby back to car feed her again and then back for 2nd half and then drive back. Training nights would be spent sat in car feeding baby.

I have mum guilt at times feeling bad I’ve basically turned my teens life upside down at a time they should be concentrating on exams and then guilt that I’m dragging a baby to places like football or shopping trips that baby stuck in pushchair but on the whole we have found away and it does get easier as baby gets older.

I had a ten year age gap. My second had to fit in, bf helped. Would your DP get involved? It could be a good way to strengthen their relationship so he doesn't feel replaced.