Family dinner misery

[DuchyCazalet]

Went out for a family dinner last night. From the moment we entered the restaurant to the moment we left, all my parents did was gripe. Granted the service wasn't great but they seemed to prefer to be annoyed, rather than ask for missing drinks, cutlery etc. I'm not sure why they bother going out for dinner as they seem to delight in the misery of bad food/bad service. They always been like this but last night was another level. In one way it was good as I am now determined to tell them that I won't ever be dining out with them again.
Not even sure what my AIBU is but is there anyone else who experiences this misery?

Are they generally miserable or is it just eating out?

Yanbu, that would do my nut in. Did they do it in a way where they almost made you feel responsible?

DM is miserable. She's only really happy when something goes wrong. Her golden child was there last night and that still didn't make her happy.
Think that eating out with them makes it worse as you're stuck there and it's out of my control.

My parents are elderly, have never worked in hospitality but think they should be 'looked after', when they eat out. I think because they don't have any jobs or interests, eating out is a big event for them and every aspect of it is commented on and analysed.

My in laws are like this. They thrive on the drama of complaining. I always give the poor staff an apologetic word or look if I can. It's embarrassing.

They don't make me feel responsible, only if I'd chosen the restaurant. Last night was to be a celebration and I was so embarassed that we were just sitting there practically in silence with miserable faces on us. It was a total waste of money

My exdh was like this. Always found something to complain about. Even his own family hated it. The kids and I still laugh about the time he was a pompous twat because he was served the wrong nan bread.

I can’t abide people like this, sorry. It’s pure control. I really don’t see the point of sitting fuming about service. Either deal with it or suck it up. I also think unless you are paying through the nose and the service or food are really bad it kind of ruins it for everyone else. No restaurant is perfect and part of the pleasure of it is in eating with people you like. Reducing everything to an assessment of every detail just needlessly steals happiness.

My FIL is like this. I haven't eaten in a restaurant with him for over 15 years and I never will again. Not ever.

At the end of the meal my DDad was complaining that he didn't get chips with his mussels. FFS, why not say it at the time instead of sitting there fuming about it.
There is always the fear that they'll complain and cause a scene

"prefer to be annoyed' if a great phrase, I definitely know so many people like this

Brother in law and his wife are like this— desperately search for something to send back/comment on. I think it makes some people feel important . They are very critical of others in general, jobs, houses, cars.

Tell them as soon as you can that you won't be going out with them again, while the misery is still fresh in everyone's minds. Otherwise you might well capitulate and be kicking yourself the next time!

My aunt and uncle are like this. They claim to love eating out but always seem to find something to complain about and turn it into a negative experience. It makes us really wary of going out to eat with them. For example we have never taken them to our favourite places because I don't want them spoiling them for us.

I always try to just make experiences like this the catalyst for change, I don't dwell or try to work out why, I just resolve never to put myself in that position again and try to draw a line under it. It's one of those things you can't control or fix, so you have to focus purely on what you can control, which is your own response to it.

I wouldn't even bother with a big 'I'm never eating out with you again' announcement if I were you, it won't help or change anything and just gives them the opportunity to make you appear the unreasonable one. Just decline the next invite, and the next until someone asks why, and then you can tell them, calmly when all the heat has gone out of it for you and no one can accuse you of being dramatic.

My MIL is like this. Especially annoying when we are paying for the meal and all she does is grumble. So we no longer take her out - what is the point when she is determined not to enjoy it.

My in-laws were like this. In the end DH and I stopped taking them to any restaurants we liked as it would be forever afterwards ruined by the memory of them could complaining throughout. I think they were almost pleased when things went wrong, certainly they were always on the lookout for any detail that wasn't right, including how comfortable they found the chairs.

I always remember when I first met them, in the mid 2000s, FIL told me a long detailed account of going out for an Italian meal and everything that was wrong with it - it turned out this was in 1978 . Other people remember and tell stories of good times, it was completely the opposite with them.

@A580Hojas

Tell them as soon as you can that you won't be going out with them again, while the misery is still fresh in everyone's minds. Otherwise you might well capitulate and be kicking yourself the next time!

I'm gearing up for the usual Mother's Day misery. Which is generally a very busy day in restaurants so the service can be patchy.

My mum was a bit like this until I realised that we we’re going out and eating about 2-3 hours later than she normally ate her evening meal.

Can you pick something earlier and easier, like high tea? Especially Mother's Day evening, service is stretched.

My MIL always finds something to complain about or at least she used to, thankfully with the pandemic and lockdowns we haven’t been out with her and don’t plan to again.

Yes I’ve a DM just like this - she picks fault with everything and everyone. She now refuses to go to all my favourite places because ‘it made her so ill’, ‘it’s gone down the nick’, ‘their Yorkshire puddings are too crunchy’,’the toilets weren’t very clean’.

It’s so embarrassing and she just has no perception of how rude she is or how I’m cringing inside out. Apparently it’s people like her that keep standards up. But it’s like she likes being miserable.

And you’re literally trapped with it, watching everyone else enjoy themselves.

How about flowers delivered to MM (miserable mum) on mother's day and 'flu' for you? Is it possible to just get out of it that way?

Some people just like to moan, it’s like a hobby for them.
Mil is like this. You will phone her up and she will spend 40 minutes moaning about everything and everyone then give a cheery goodbye saying it was nice to talk to you!

@Crikeyalmighty

Brother in law and his wife are like this— desperately search for something to send back/comment on. I think it makes some people feel important . They are very critical of others in general, jobs, houses, cars.

My late MIL was like that. She'd send something back EVERY time and if she couldn't find anything wrong she'd invent something. Once, in a pub she sent back a jacket potato, of all things, claiming it was stale.

She very grandly informed the poor waitress that "I used to be in catering so I can tell!" What she meant by that was that she worked in a motorway service station... The waitress said that they were bought in frozen so she'd just get another one the same, did she still want to send it back, and she did.

I'm bloody certain they brought the same one back out and she declared it to be fine! Going out to eat with her was an ordeal.