That shit happens ?

[ldontWanna]

OH can't deal with things breaking. In fairness it tends to be expensive things,but even so he starts this process of interrogation,huffing,puffing ,swearing and disbelieve anything I am saying.

I'll give today as an example. DD's ipad stopped charging and won't turn on. He asked her a hundred questions of what could she have done wrong. Did she drop it, did it get wet, when is the last time it charged,what was she doing. And repeat. 10 minutes later all of that again. In the meantime asking me if the leas is an apple lead(yes), is the plug an apple plug (yes) . Then asking again. Then asking if he needs to check. Then having a look and asking me to prove they're original apple,how do I know etc. Then repeat the questions to DD. Of course swearing and moaning how shit apple are,he doesn't understand,where did he buy it from,where is the receipt?

Then asked me to find an older style apple plug and charger, which I did. Then he asked how do I know it's apple? Where does it say that? Show him. By this point I'm ready to strangle him with the fucking charger! Then repeat with some of the older questions.

It's broken, we're not idiots! We answered once,we told him what was wrong,what we tried etc. Asking a million times won't fix it. Asking me to justify myself and prove I know what the fuck I'm doing isn't going to fix it. All it does is upset DD and make her anxious and piss me off.

I know it's expensive and it's a kick in the balls and a worry, but it's not our fault and sometimes he just needs to accept shit happens, especially when some things are quite old or cheap jobs(10+ years) or they were second hand to begin with.

Similar scenarios with boiler going, washing machine ,fridge ,telly etc. Last time the washing machine went I didn't even bother to tell him and entertain a fix. Just told him it's broken and a new one is on it's way.

Next time, tell him it’s broken just as you’re walking out the door for the day.
Then he can’t ask you all the stupid questions and basically accuse you of breaking it.

Oh my god just tell him to check the bloody charger himself or whatever if he doesn't think you're competent enough to tell him the truth about whether it says Apple on it or not!

My DP is like this, to the extent (I discovered only today) that he interrogates and gets stressed over protective coverings for items getting damaged.
You see, in my mind, a protective covering is supposed to get the damage So the expensive item doesn't. Apparently not.

It's excruciating and I am almost done with it, which is why this AIBU is timely for me.
I think my DH is the way he is because of his upbringing. He grew up poor and cares very much about everything, but Huch is fine and I can deal with it, because actually why be feckless with things of value. On the other hand discovering that actually it's almost a control issue is a turn off.

So my questions for you are;

• does he control other things? Is it a bigger issue?
• did he grow up with scarcity? Or poor? Or controlling parents where he didn't get things?
• what now?

I'm not sure what to advise as I've come to a crossroads myself, but I do send empathy and maybe someone else will come along with sage advice for both of us.

Hmm. Are you looking to him to solve the problem though? I'm not particularly tech savvy but I'm the best we've got. When IT doesn't work everyone gets very stressed and I feel a lot of pressure when everyone's just expecting me to fix it and I don't really have any better idea than they do.

I grew up with a dad like this and it's turned me into an awfully anxious adult . I panic when things break and start apologising and DH is always mortified and asking why I'm apologising.
It really does stick with a child . His behaviour is unacceptable.

Just as an aside, if you have a toothpick or paper clip you could gently scrape in the charging port on the iPad to make sure there’s no accumulated fluff that’s blocking the connectors between the charger and the iPad

I know that’s missing the point

@DetailMouse

Hmm. Are you looking to him to solve the problem though? I'm not particularly tech savvy but I'm the best we've got. When IT doesn't work everyone gets very stressed and I feel a lot of pressure when everyone's just expecting me to fix it and I don't really have any better idea than they do.

Not always. But I do tell him in case it's something he can fix, or we can look at what we can try, or bring a repairman or get a replaced or whatever. If I don't tell him that something is slightly wrong and then it breaks he gets pissy. If I tell him and he does nothing and I nag or it gets broken later he still gets pissy. But I don't actually expect him to fix it every time. Techy stuff I actually tend to handle myself. Stuff like a washing machine, if it's beyond clearing pipes or cleaning the filter then it's him. If it's beyond both of us then we look at options repair/replace.

Obviously things don't break that often but it's such a pain to deal with him when they do. Plus I can't be the panicky,flappy one myself no matter how much I want or need to, because one of us needs to keep a clear head and not escalate things.

DH used to have an old IPhone that would always turn itself on and off in the middle of the night. We joked it was haunted by the ghost of Steve Jobs. In reality, it just had a lose connection in the charging port.

Things are not made to last. Because if things last then you will not buy anymore new things. And the company will not make money if you don't buy all of their things.

DH is a bit like this in that he always assumes that someone must have 'broken' a thing that stops working when sometimes it's just a fairly old thing that has just stopped working and there's no reason to believe anyone has damaged it.

He is being completely unreasonable. Things aren't built to last, including expensive tech. It's perfectly commonplace for things to develop faults without anyone having caused the damage. If he doesn't realise that, he's either a dimwit or he has issues surrounding this. Either way, the rest of you shouldn't have to tolerate his interrogation and blaming.

He's been ranting at "robbing,arsehole" apple and I had to get the ipad "out of his sight" which was fine. Until he started questioning thing again so I fucked off in the bedroom with a book.
At least he's off to work tomorrow and should forget all about it by Friday.

Yes he grew up in poverty but he can and has been incredibly careless with money and possessions himself. He is getting better with age though. He's not controlling in any way shape or form and he's annoyingly chilled about most things.

It's just this. It's like he literally can't cope and hopes to find something ,anything that isn't simply shit happens or this thing was old and on it's last legs anyways .

I had to get the ipad "out of his sight" which was fine.

Sorry OP but he's an adult. This isn't fine. He can put the iPad down and walk away.
It's not up to you to answer all his stupid questions or get it "out of his sight".

Dh is like this. I call him out on it every time. ‘It’s an object. They break. It is not worth losing your shit over.’

At the risk of sounding like your husband:
support.apple.com/en-gb/HT212017

This isn't what you asked but have you checked with a pin that there's no fluff in the charger port? DH was on the verge of ordering a new phone as these problems happened to his but I had a look in the port and it was just stuffed with pocket fluff. Worked fine again, much to his annoyance though

[quote Winter2020]At the risk of sounding like your husband:
support.apple.com/en-gb/HT212017[/quote]
Tried that. I think it's actually completely flat and not charging at all (port gone maybe) which is why troubleshooting like this didn't work.

Then asked me to find an older style apple plug and charger, which I did

I'd encourage you to stop pandering to him. It's fine for him to have all those questions but it really is up to him to find out the answers to his questions.

If you provide answers, he will think out more questions. An 'ah-um' answer is needed here.