Do you think this is rude?

[weleasewoderick23]

I have a long term friend who I love dearly, however, whenever I visit her she never sits still. She'll make me a cuppa then carry on with what she's doing and I find myself following her around the house just to get a conversation. Her DH is the same eg he leaves the telly on quite loud but isn't watching it and I find it really off putting. I end up leaving after about 1/2 hour because I feel like I'm intruding on their time.

On the other hand, when she comes to me I turn the telly off, sit down and give her my full attention.

AIBU?

@Jjjayfee

People who phone me then talk whilst filling their dishwashers are rude imo. So you friend is rude imo

If I didn't call my friends while doing housework I'd never get to talk to them. Obviously not hoovering or scrubbing the toilet. But dishwasher, laundry is on the cards.

Yes it's rude, MIL does this, she complains that we haven't been over to visit for weeks then when we get there she makes us a cup of tea then it's "I've just got to nip upstairs to get..", "just got to go and get the washing in/empty the drier" etc. Me and DC end up sitting there on our own wondering why we bothered going. DP will follow her around the house. She's the same when she comes to our house, wonders about, goes into the kitchen, opens the back door and goes out into the garden, picks up toddler and wonders off with him. She won't come and sit in the living room with everyone else. I just don't think she knows how to sit still.

@Skyeheather

Yes it's rude, MIL does this, she complains that we haven't been over to visit for weeks then when we get there she makes us a cup of tea then it's "I've just got to nip upstairs to get..", "just got to go and get the washing in/empty the drier" etc. Me and DC end up sitting there on our own wondering why we bothered going. DP will follow her around the house. She's the same when she comes to our house, wonders about, goes into the kitchen, opens the back door and goes out into the garden, picks up toddler and wonders off with him. She won't come and sit in the living room with everyone else. I just don't think she knows how to sit still.

I could have written this post exactly! My MIL is a lovely lady but never seems to want to stay in the same room when we visit her (2 hours drive away so only visit once every 6-8 weeks).

It drives my DH crazy and he complains to me about how she's never "present" when we go visit.

I wish I had an answer as to why she does this, or how to deal with it, but after 13 years I still don't! All I can offer is solidarity

Yes it's rude.

I had a 'friend' who would take 'phone calls and chat whilst I was there. Astonishing.

@weleasewoderick23

Incredibly rude. I would stop going tbh, or go - and if she does it, just say 'anyway, I best make tracks, I've got lots to do, and you seem busy anyway.'

I have a friend who is a decent friend going back many years, but every time I meet up for coffee with her (in the town that's at a halfway point between where we both live,) she always ALWAYS gets phone calls or whatsapp messages on her mobile phone. Sometimes 3 or 4 interruptions of 3 to 6 minutes at a time, in the time we spend together -which is often only about an hour an a quarter.

She has 3 daughters and one son - all adults in their 20s, 2 daughters have left home, but the son and daughter who remain, ALWAYS call her when I'm with her, asking where the teabags are, or if she can pick up some custard creams for them, or if she can pick up their prescription from the pharmacy. She chats for 4-5 minutes, OR they whatsapp her, and she sits there messaging back and forth for 5-6 minutes while I twiddle my thumbs.

If it's not one of her adult DC, it's her mum asking if she can pick up some milk on the way to see her tomorrow, or her husband asking 'what's for tea?' It annoys me that she just HAS to answer them, and it annoys me that they message her or ring her when she is with me, and they knows she's with me.

In fact they all annoy me (her kids too,) for contacting her for trivial shit - or things that could wait an hour - when she's with me. It annoys me equally that she responds immediately to the messages, and doesn't put her phone on silent.

I asked her once (when she got calls and whatsapp messages from THREE people during our 70 minute coffee meeting,) if her husband and DD and mum knew she was with her friend - who she hadn't seen for 2 months - having a coffee. She said 'yeah they do. What are they like ha ha LOL.'

It does smack a bit of 'look how incredibly popular I am and how busy my life is,' and it's enormously rude. I activate my 'do not disturb' function when I am with her, or anyone else, so we are not interrupted by anyone in my life. I get a few messages sometimes when I am with her, but never see them as I put DND on! Why can't she do this?

She seems to love the interruptions, and she ALWAYS says 'anyway I am a bit busy today, better fly' (after 60-70 minutes or so!') Always got somewhere else to be, and someone else to meet.

It's so rude. I do like her, but this is putting me of seeing her tbh.

@Lavender24

I can be a bit like this ie I might say "oh I need to strip the beds/bath the dogs/whatever, come and chat to me while I do it". I struggle to sit still but I wouldn't leave a friend sitting alone in my living room. That's rude.

@Lavender24

But why INVITE a friend around for a coffee and a chat if you have lots of busy housework to do?

If you met at a Costa or something, you wouldn't be able to do your housework and bath the dog then! Why do it when your friend is visiting after you have asked her to come?

Batshit.

@weleasewoderick23

It's the fact that she seems to think it's ok. When we arrange for me to go over I'd rather she just said I e got loads to do, can we make it another time? My sister does it too and it makes me feel completely invisible.

Do you invite yourself to her house?

@LottyD32

The OP said this at 11.00am today

weleasewoderick23

"Yes, she's invited me. I never turn up unannounced. I just think that if you've invited someone over then you should give some attention to your guest, even if it's only for a little while."

There's a difference between actually being invited and inviting yourself, during a phone call imo.

Please read the whole thread!

I haven't invited myself, she says to come over but I'm beginning to think it's not worth it. I spent Christmas Day with them and it was just as bad. I've spent more time watching tv at their house as I have in mine!

It's rude.

yanbu op. I have a friend like this, when I visit on occasion she will sit watching her shows and having no conversation, it is very rude.