I need break up advice . . .

[Nostrings457]

Recent split from DH (2 months), still struggling with it and mixed emotions. Deep down I know it’s for the best but I’m still at the stage where it’s painful and wishing so badly it hadn’t come to this.

Big birthday bash on H’s side this weekend which he & the DC went to. It was the first family party I hadn’t gone to and I found it very upsetting.

I’m really struggling with moving on. Some days I’m think fu*k it, I’m ready to face the world and others I wake up and want it all to be a horrible dream / don’t want to get up / am on the brink of tears every minute of the day.
I do drag myself up as have the DC to see to, work etc…

I know it will take time but any practical tips in the interim would really help. I need to change my mindset but not sure how to do it. Being a single parent with a failed marriage was so far away from what I ever thought my life would turn out like, the future is overwhelming. (For context, H worked hard to provide a better life, but it took over everything; working away most of the week, out socialising too much, not pulling his weight around the house / with DC. People have already said you were like a single parent anyway, but being in a marriage with someone who doesn’t help out enough is very different to actually being a single parent.

I’m sorry you’re struggling. Why did the relationship break down? Is it for the best?

@whatsonmymindgrapes H working away, socialising / drinking too much, not pulling his weight with the DC. He does have lost of positives but that’s the summary of the negatives which has led to the end. He has had opportunity to change but hasn’t. H doesn’t want it to end but also not committing to making any positive changes so I’m having to be really strong in sticking to my guns

Ah I see. Must be so hard. Like you said he’s had his chance to change. Try and concentrate on this time to make you happy.

You're only two months down the line, don't be hard on yourself. It takes a while to get used to, even though it was the right thing to do. The firsts can be hard

Allow yourself time to grieve, although the tears will no doubt come at the most inopportune moments - supermarkets and meetings are bastards for that!

Having the things to do daily can seem like such huge tasks but you'll realise eventually that that routine has helped get you through.

Do little things for yourself, something different that you haven't done for years or that you haven't tried before, even if it's just a different soap that you know your ex wouldn't have liked so you didn't buy it. Food you haven't eaten for ages because he wasn't keen - get some in. Start becoming yourself again with these miniscule moments of joy

Firstly you aren't a single parent. You have an ex that is in their lives so use the contact time he has with them to do positive things for yourself.

See friends, do a sport, cook food. Whatever it is you've missed out on over the last few years because he's been a crap husband.

Hi OP. Sorry you are also going through this.

I am also going through a break up and its painful. Even though I know it's the right thing to do.

She has left been 2 weeks now. She hasn't even made an attempt to contact dd7 for dd sake. I am female also.

Feeling very emotional.

Hugs

@Orgasmagorical great insight & advice thank you.

@jeaux90 I’m not sure about 5 hours of contact with DC in 2 month counts as co-parenting, it sure feels like I’m doing this single handedly

@Whiteminnowfish can definitely relate. The lack of contact from H for DCs sake is both infuriating and upsetting. Hope you too can take the advice above. Hugs back at you

[quote Nostrings457]@Orgasmagorical great insight & advice thank you.

@jeaux90 I’m not sure about 5 hours of contact with DC in 2 month counts as co-parenting, it sure feels like I’m doing this single handedly

@Whiteminnowfish can definitely relate. The lack of contact from H for DCs sake is both infuriating and upsetting. Hope you too can take the advice above. Hugs back at you[/quote]

How has your weekend been?

Although I miss my wife, I am angry at her for not contacting dd7.

Dd and I had a great weekend with friends.

Do things that you wouldn't have normally done when you dh was around

@Whiteminnowfish I actually had a good day today too. Went out and did something with DC too, which was a good distraction. Also had a busy eve; I find myself intentionally distracting myself, to numb the emotion I suppose. But then when evening comes & DC are in bed I let it all out.

How long have you been separated?

[quote Nostrings457]@Whiteminnowfish I actually had a good day today too. Went out and did something with DC too, which was a good distraction. Also had a busy eve; I find myself intentionally distracting myself, to numb the emotion I suppose. But then when evening comes & DC are in bed I let it all out.

How long have you been separated?[/quote]

Glad to hear you had a good day also.

I am trying to distract myself also - I find it harder when I am at home and in the mornings.

She left 2 weeks ago. It's not been right for a while. She was starting to become Abusive towards dd and me.

When dd is asleep I find it hard to cry. I feel sad and lonely. Its mainly the mornings when I feel like crying but put on a brave face for dd.

I just wanted things to work out for us.

It's just so sad.

How are you feeling?