To tell off older toddlers in playground?

[Beachfun123]

My dd is 2, has started showing interest in trying to play or join in with older toddlers in playground. Naturally they are not always receptive and I divert her attention in these situations.

Today I exchanged pleasantries with a mum whose 3 year old dd was on slide with other kids . Her mum did not see, but as my dd later tried climbing up the stairs on the slide for one last go, the 3 year old kicked my dd back. Dd was very confused and upset as she stumbled back, clutching her chest and came to me for comfort. I asked if she was okay, had a cuddle and said “sorry, I think it was an accident, I’m glad you’re okay”. The mum was watching from the bench near by, she could see something had happened, but did not come over so I did not know how to approach it. Her daughter called out “it’s MY slide!” to her mum, which I thought was an indicator of her involvement even if mum didn’t see.

I’m just wondering how you guys would deal with such situations? Upon reflection, maybe I should have said something like “that’s not very kind, please don’t kick, DD was only trying to play too” ? So mum would realise and hopefully ask what’s happened? It’s not my job to discipline and appreciate she’s only 3, but i feel the parent should know ? I know I would want to know! And I want to give an appropriate response to poor DD in these situations - is it to say sorry and explain that wasn’t very kind, they don’t understand but we will play somewhere else? All suggestions welcome, you can probably tell I’m a ftp ! 😊

I probably would have said something to the child at the time like "don't kick please" but not in order to alert the mum. I don't think that's "disciplining" someone else's child really, just talking to them.

I did this to a child at the soft play the other day who walked up to a much smaller kid (not mine) and pushed her over, seemingly for no reason. I just caught his eye and said "that wasn't very kind", mainly so he knew someone had seen and he hadn't got away with it.

Similarly I might ask an older child to let a younger one have a go on a slide if they keep barging past them. Not to tell them off specifically, but helping them to learn how life works.

I wouldn't have scolded the mum. If I had been near, I might have said to the girl that it's not very kind to kick. I would have said to my DD to come and play somewhere else, as the girl doesn't want to share the slide right now, but we can find another place play. But I have no idea if my response is good.

I just know I wouldn't have started on the mum..

I would and have said something to other people's kids, which apparently is a massive no-no according to some people on MN, but if someone is hurting or being annoying to other kids and their parent either isn't there to see or isn't doing anything about it then I have no qualms about saying 'Please stop doing that' or whatever. And I'd have no issues with someone saying it to my DD if she was being a brat and I missed it.

I did this at soft play the other day with some kid that was terrorising the smaller children. No idea where his parent was but after the second time
DD came over crying, I followed her to where he was and had a word.

I wouldn't bother about finding/telling the parent though unless it was something really bad. If it's just kid pushing and shoving then it's just one of those things mostly.

I have and would said things like "we don't kick, do we."

My youngest is very petite and often kids try to barge in front of her in lines for things. I always say sharply "No, you'll need to wait your turn, thank you" and then move my child back into their place in the queue.

Yup we’ve intervened and told kids they have to wait their turn if DD is trying to go on something, we’ve had no physical incidents more pushing past or trying to climb the slide while she’s going down but always stepped in. We also watch her so that she doesn’t barrel into smaller kids or hurt them accidentally.

@DockOTheBay

I probably would have said something to the child at the time like "don't kick please" but not in order to alert the mum. I don't think that's "disciplining" someone else's child really, just talking to them.

I did this to a child at the soft play the other day who walked up to a much smaller kid (not mine) and pushed her over, seemingly for no reason. I just caught his eye and said "that wasn't very kind", mainly so he knew someone had seen and he hadn't got away with it.

Similarly I might ask an older child to let a younger one have a go on a slide if they keep barging past them. Not to tell them off specifically, but helping them to learn how life works.

Something like this.

Don’t make a meal of it.

Try not to over think this op. Interaction between children even when not nice is a normal part of independent play. A 3 year old is a baby in my eyes! Just say oh no pushing or whatever.

Agree nothing wrong either with saying cheerily hello let's give the little one a go now

I would definitely talk to the child. It's not "their slide", I assume you're at a public playground

I have in the past had sternly talks with kids in the playground one time I was expecting a parent to show up but they didn't!!! (Suppose it's an indicator of where the dangerous behaviour was coming from.....)

A calm assertive talk is great! Other kids even come to ask more questions 😂

You have to say it at the time of the incident, not afterwards. It's fine to give them a sharp "Oi. NO KICKING.", but I wouldn't leave the scene of the crime, calm my child, and then return to discuss the matter with either the child or parent.

I used to go in stronger than that, I have to say. I’ve seen that exact situation in the park - child at the top of the slide kicking back at mine climbing the steps. They got ‘do not kick or I will take you off the slide’ delivered in a stern loud voice so the parent heard. The mum came over and removed the child and told them off.
An earlier incident at IKEA involved an older child coming up behind mine and kicking him down the slide when she thought he was taking too long at the top. He wasn’t- he was just much younger. Unfortunately for her I was right by him and she got a telling off. The useless parents stood by and said nothing but were clearly embarrassed.

I would not shout at a child but would certainly usually a teacher- type voice and that is usually enough.

I have also made two teenagers sit separately from another lad who they were bullying on a bus, told one off for flicking rubber bands at other lads ‘faces, and told two British kids who swore under their breath at a staff member (in a hotel which has very few British guests) who asked them not to run in the restaurant that I had heard what they said and would gladly tell their parents if I saw/heard behaviour like that again which they clearly weren’t expecting.

If we don’t intervene (when it is safe to do so) then we let this type of behaviour carry on. Where I live it’s clear that other adults intervene to both help kids who need it but also speak to them if they’re doing wrong - I’ve seen it a few times in our park. But then people help others if they’re on the bus and they don’t know which stop to get off etc.

My first response would be try and let the kids sort it out themselves. However from 2 and 3 year olds you are expecting a lot. They don't have the grasp of considering others. Yes some of them might be able to wait or let other kids go first but only because that is what they are told, they don't understand what is fair until they are older.

I’d probably say something like ‘uh on, we don’t kick’/ ‘we use kind hands’ ‘gentle’ or ‘no kicking please’ you get the gist.

My daughter (2.5) is little so does get pushed around a bit/ or babied. I do find it irritating when parents just ignore their child’s bad behaviour, especially older children. A 3 year old though? They just have no impulse control. Mum probably didn’t realise her dd did anything, they’re really possessive at that age, my dd walks around and says it’s mine to the most random thing usually she just picks it up / stands by it / touches it and then walks away

Thanks guys, it definitely makes sense to keep it simple and tell them there and then. In this situation mum was within ear shot, so I was unsure. Next time regardless I will just say don’t do that please, we need to take turns etc 😊

Yes I’ve said things to other kids or given them a ‘look’ but generally when out of earshot of their parents

Even if parents are close by it's fine to tell the child to "be careful", "don't do that".... wtv. As long as you keep your calm voice and don't touch the child

As a parent of 3 small kids, I don't mind that at all! I can't split myself into 3 but I'll keep my ears sharp to make sure you're not stepping over the line

Yep, just tell the other child off in a firm but matter of fact way eg “Don’t kick - that’s not kind. This slide is for everyone not just you”.

If the mum was to hear, she might have come over and then you could have just explained what had happened, but I wouldn’t go and tell her.

A nursery worker suggested saying “that wasn’t kind, was it?”

You aren’t actually telling the child off, but you are making the child aware that their poor behaviour has been seen and (hopefully) it would alert the parent that their child had done something unkind and take action (as many have said, some parents just don’t care unfortunately but at least saying this is less likely to have a parent having a massive go at you).