Dp's phone - gut instinct

[unimagine]

Maybe I am BU here, but this evening we were all out to dinner as a family. Dp was trying to find how to book an activity on his phone but couldn't see where to do it. I said let me see so put his phone flat on the table (he was opposite so could see what i was doing) and within probably 5 seconds he took it and said oh i remember now then proceeded to search the page instead of "remembering" where it was.

I asked to check via his phone as a) He was already on the page and section b) I had previously booked us an activity from this site so it made sense that I would find how to.

It made me feel very weird, as if he didn't want me being on his phone incase he got a notification etc. Also the way he acted after, overly nice, almost to compensate for what he had just done, seemed to back up my thinking.

I have no cause other than this to suspect anything really so maybe I am being paranoid but my gut instinct kicked in...

It did make me think about how sensitive he is with his phone usually, i'e if i quickly ask to use it for a second he will be on edge...

I haven't spoken to him about it, mainly because I just assume he will say he didn't act weird and theres nothing to worry about which will leave me feeling the same as i do now....unresolved

WWYD?

I would be suspicious too OP. Me and dp have access to each others phones, not for snooping but if say I wanted to Google something and didn't have my phone, I would just pick his up without the need to ask and he would do the same.

Although saying that, he did get a bit weird with his phone when planning a trip for my 30th. Could he be doing something like that? He had a group chat with my family and friends so was worried one of them would text the group when I was using it.

Usually when someone acts this was about their phone they are hiding something yes, me and my DP leave our phones lying around without hesitation and know each others passwords, if shes going out and doesnt have credit ill give her mine so she can message, we dont have anything to hide and im guessing that most people that dont behave in a similar way with their phones

What were your dp's previous relationships like? (or parents?) I was in a DV situation for 18 years. My phone, computer and post were continualy gone through and I was interrogated many times a week. The situation ended. 10 years go by. A man I care about wanted to show me how to do something on my phone. My anxiety shot through the roof. I was shocked at my strong reaction. Heart rate, breathing, stomach clenched and hand twitching. I had to force myself to relax and be 'normal' which felt forced and awkward. God knows what body language and vibes I was giving off.
Sorry for the essay! Maybe his instant reaction was a learned behaviour and then he felt silly and went too far the other way.
Anything else giving you bad feelings?

Op you could test him, say something like your phone is out of credit and you have to make a call or your phone is dead when your outside? youll then be able to judge his reaction, when we have a gut feeling its usually right

You sound quite paranoid.

Maybe he looked at some porn. Maybe he bought you a present.

Do you trust him? Doesn’t sound like it.

Hmm always a bit suspicious around people who almost ‘resource guard’ their phone. DH and I have our own but like pp would pick up each other’s phone if it was nearer ( dh generally has more spare minutes than I do, so I will use his when needed and without express permission, both know passcodes etc etc). I’d be on alert tbh

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

You sound quite paranoid.

Maybe he looked at some porn. Maybe he bought you a present.

Do you trust him? Doesn’t sound like it.

Christ, there's more leaps in this post than a box of frogs!

No I’m super possessive of my phone and I have nothing to hide particularly. I just feel like my whole life is on there.

He probably doesn’t want you to stumble on some porn he’s into and not told you about. If there’s no other signs he’s cheating then don’t worry about it. X

Maybe.. but phones are private - people have all sorts of things on there - weight loss searches/porn searches / weird shopping obsessions with trainers / spending on games / too much time on social blah blah that are normal but they might not want other people to see.

If you are worried then as PP says ask him to help you with something using his phone.

But try not to let it grow in your head. He might have been over nice to you after because you were showing that you annoyed.

I’ve been with my partner over a decade, we don’t have access to each other’s phones or emails. I’d wipe my search history if I was lending anyone my
Phone, including him, just for privacy

DH and I have nothing to hide from each other's phone, HOWEVER, if I'm doing something and can't immediately work out how to do it, I'd feel quite infantilised if my DH tried to take over and do it for me, and I think he would feel similar. Did he actually ask for your help, or were you trying to just do it for him?

I don't like people looking at my phone, nothing to hide apart from mad random google searches.

I suppose I could access DHs phone, but why would I?

Totally trust him.

You sound paranoid (unless he’s always weirdly protective about his phone). I don’t understand women who demand to know their dh/dp/dc passwords and have tracking apps on. We all have the right to privacy. If you have trust issues then that’s something you need to work on.

My DH and I are pretty open with our phones so if mine ran out of battery then I could use his etc

I hate it though when I’m trying to do it figure something out and dh offers to help and then takes over. It annoys me because I can’t see why he isn’t able to talk me through it instead of doing it himself. Maybe he just wanted to sort it and didnt want you doing it?

If you’re concerned then ask him about it. You’ll be able to see from his reaction if there’s anymore to it.

@DropYourSword Huh? Why are there leaps in that post particularly, they’re perfectly reasonable suggestions? The OPs post is describing a lack of trust scenario so it’s hardly a leap to say he might have been doing something embarrassing or something other than cheating that he doesn’t want her to see. What’s your suggestion?

OP is there anything else going on that’s concerning you?

I wouldn't want anyone looking through my phone either.

My whole life is on here - bank accounts, social media, private messages with friends and family, information about my business and all my clients' information, thousands of photos etc.

I have nothing to hide but equally I don't want people potentially snooping and reading my private messages and posts.

We are v v v open with phones. This would really worry me.

Is there anything else concerning you, or just this ?

I guard my phone cos I’d be really embarrassed if anyone saw my MN history!

OP, you know your H and his behavior was off. He clearly felt uneasy with you handling his phone for that brief time, and wasn’t truthful about recalling how to book the activity. He then covered his strange action by being overly attentive.

I think you’re correct—he was afraid you’d see a certain notification. Is it possible for you to access his phone?

To be honest, I hate people (including DH) looking at my phone. I feel on edge if he's holding it for some reason. I don't really have anything to hide but just see it as private. I don't like people seeing what I have open on the internet etc.

@MsDogLady

OP, you know your H and his behavior was off. He clearly felt uneasy with you handling his phone for that brief time, and wasn’t truthful about recalling how to book the activity. He then covered his strange action by being overly attentive.

I think you’re correct—he was afraid you’d see a certain notification. Is it possible for you to access his phone?

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