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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Finding human suffering just so hard to take right now

41 replies

hippmammi · 05/03/2022 21:33

I'm just finding it so hard to take it. Since becoming a parent two years ago, especially anything to do with children just absolutely kills me.

I keep breaking down in tears about things I'm watching and seeing on the news and media about children suffering.

I completely broke down when that poor boy died down the well in Morocco. It just absolutely killed me.

Now I keep seeing pictures of dead children in Ukraine. And then today I saw this heartbreaking video of a little toddler girl just shivering so much because she was cold. I think she was a refugee from Syria, just dressed in sandals.

I just keep thinking what's the point and how cruel the world is. I keep thinking about my little girl and how much she needs me and how much some children and parents have to suffer and it's absolutely breaking me.

What can I do ? Do I need to do more to help ? Or just bury my head in the sand and try to distract myself.

I'm in tears writing this. I'm not trying to make this all about myself, I just feel so incredibly sad for people going through these things. The world is so cruel. Can anyone relate ? Or am I being ridiculous. Sorry for such a depressing post. I keep crying and my husband asks me what's wrong and I say I'm just not feeling well because I'm pregnant. I'm embarrassed.

OP posts:
WhoAre · 05/03/2022 21:37

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Clarabe1 · 05/03/2022 21:38

I feel the same op. It never ends does it! I think the only real thing you can do is donate money or items if possible to the Red Cross and take heart at how many wonderful kind people there in the world. Look at how kind Ukraines neighbours have been.

Original poster
hippmammi · 05/03/2022 21:41

I do donate. I do a lot of fund raising as well for different causes. It's not just because of what's happening in Ukraine. It's general. Children with cancer etc.

I think having children heightens is.

I'm just finding it hard to feel happy when there's so much suffering. Usually the feelings aren't as strong.

Maybe it's because I'm pregnant.

I think having a child makes it so much harder to switch the compassion off.

OP posts:
Clarabe1 · 05/03/2022 21:42

Also I would stay off the news for a bit. Are you depressed? A bit anxious? Keep away or at least limit your exposure to it.

Jamoffmytoast · 05/03/2022 21:42

you should be happy.
so unhelpful

OP if you are pregnant that will be heightening your emotions, and it's a really tough time anyway in terms of world events. When I was pregnant I cried at the news often. I'd reduce the amount of news you are watching.

Twitterwhooooo · 05/03/2022 21:43

I don't agree that 'you should be happy' - that's a ridiculous thing to say.

I know what you mean. I think having a child propels us into the future and to see the world in a way that nothing else can.

Your post suggests that you're pregnant? If so, congrats and I can definitely relate to the additional hormonal crying during that time.

I found out that I was pregnant with my youngest at the beginning of the 2008 financial crisis, and remember being absolutely distraught with my choice to bring a child into this world.

Obviously, that looks like child's play compared to what even we in the privileged West have been through since then, and I think I would find it even harder now.

JanisMoplin · 05/03/2022 21:43

Good god. I think OP is pretty normal to feel the way she does, though perhaps she is taking on too much suffering. But given the relentlessness of the pandemic and now Ukraine, who among us is not feeling fragile?
If I were you, OP, I would step away from the news completely. Put your phone down. Find something that absorbs you and gives you joy. Maybe something you do with your hands. Painting, gardening, pottery...
And of course try to help as much as you can.

Original poster
hippmammi · 05/03/2022 21:43

@Clarabe1

Also I would stay off the news for a bit. Are you depressed? A bit anxious? Keep away or at least limit your exposure to it.
Yeah it's also the Facebook video function. It's clever and knows what kinds of videos and news I've watched, so it keeps showing me these sad stories. Be it children with cancer or terrible accidents happening or refugees etc etc.
OP posts:
Archersandlemonade · 05/03/2022 21:44

I totally get it . I’ve cried lots this week, to the point where I think I have not watch the news because I can’t do anything I can’t change anything, and it just makes me sad. But I read somewhere in times like this when you feel
So helpless you can try and make sure your little corner of the world is a better place so that’s what I’m
Doing , I’ve donated and was helping sort donations today . I’m trying to shield me children from it all so they aren’t frightened

JanisMoplin · 05/03/2022 21:45

My "good god" was to the brutal second poster, not OP.

JanisMoplin · 05/03/2022 21:46

Please don't go on FB. It mines your sadness.

jugglerofballs · 05/03/2022 21:46

Unhelpful response @WhoAre Confused

YANBU OP. There is so much suffering in the world. You can do some small things to mitigate it (donate, volunteer, small kindnesses) but largely, I’m afraid you just have to learn not to dwell on it.
Switch off the news and focus on the good stuff.

Original poster
hippmammi · 05/03/2022 21:47

@JanisMoplin

Please don't go on FB. It mines your sadness.
It really does!
OP posts:
Clarabe1 · 05/03/2022 21:49

I second hormones. I am not pregnant but menopausal, I have been crying over all sorts of things. I sort of mentally kick myself up the arse and say what an I realistically do? In this case all you can do is donate. Sadly we can’t control Russia’s murderous leader. Facebook is a pig for sucking you in with misery. Switch off for a bit 💐

DontLookBackInAnger1 · 05/03/2022 21:49

You sound very empathic OP. That's a good thing. You are tuning in to how others must feel and have an emotional response to that, that's nothing to be ashamed of.

BUT for your own sanity you maybe need to work out ways to protect yourself a bit. Watch less news. Remember that kids are more resilient than you'd think. They don't always know the danger they're in. Even with cancer, they're living with it and maybe don't know much different so whilst they will undoubtedly feel pain, they may not feel as sad as you're thinking they would.

babysleephelp · 05/03/2022 21:52

Op I was thinking of posting something similar tonight looking for wise words because I feel totally overwhelmed with the sadness in the world too. You are not alone.

But I agree with above pps that there is actually lots of human kindness and small acts of love and happiness everywhere still, if you start looking for them instead of watching news or sad videos it will help restore your faith a little perhaps.

It's just the little things liken happy moments with your child or kind posters on here or your local communities' fundraising efforts etc etc that make you realise it's not all bad and there is always hope for a better world

AnakinthePadawhine · 05/03/2022 21:54

You sound like a lovely person, but to remain this lovely person I think you should step away from the news, but mostly from Facebook. It is not good for you, and will only take you down deeper a depressive hole. It is a leech of joy and happiness.

Original poster
hippmammi · 05/03/2022 21:57

It's just so unfair. I know 'life is unfair'. But it's just hard to accept that sometimes, when you look at the randomness of it all.

Why am I here in my situation and another person is in another place in a much worse situation.

It's just so random and senseless.

Thanks for all the kind responses. I'm also sleep deprived and heavily pregnant and my toddler has been very ill this week. Absolute minor inconveniences compared to what others have to endure.

I'll switch on some cheery show and try to distract myself a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
hippmammi · 05/03/2022 22:01

@AnakinthePadawhine

You sound like a lovely person, but to remain this lovely person I think you should step away from the news, but mostly from Facebook. It is not good for you, and will only take you down deeper a depressive hole. It is a leech of joy and happiness.
It's so true. I think the videos are like crack or something. They're just long enough to keep your attention and not too long so your mind wonders.

Then it learns what you liked and keeps showing you.

I will definitely stay off it for a while.

OP posts:
JanisMoplin · 05/03/2022 22:01

It's hard not to watch the news, but I stopped during the pandemic because it was making me crazy. I still read the papers but very cursorily. I don't go on social media much and actively avoid sad stories. Perhaps callous but I need to conserve my energies for my family and the long haul. I do donate a fair bit.

Darbs76 · 05/03/2022 22:01

It’s hard, the news is heartbreaking. Just watched news report of parents who just lost their toddler and it was horrific. But that’s what’s going on and I can’t close my eyes to it. If it’s affecting you in this way probably best to take a break from it

Hibye23289 · 05/03/2022 22:02

Op I am the same! I cried so much for the little boy who was stuck down the well, the images and videos of him how can the parents see those.

I have just seen on the news a child from Ukraine died in hospital, they shown alot!

When I heard about I think it was fred and rose west and what some if the children went through I was so disturbed I cried for ages at that too!

I know I have probably been hard work for my husband in the past how I get so upset for people I feel like blocking it out or trying not to think about it doesn't help becaude that is then me being ignorant and doesn't mean these things aren't happening.

TiredSloth · 05/03/2022 22:06

I try not to watch the news but I accidentally left itv on just now and watched a mother stroke the face of her dead 18 month old before placing his blanket back over his face and breaking down. It was one of the worst things I’ve ever seen and it set me off hysterically crying. That baby only got 18 months with his mummy & daddy and I don’t understand why.

I try to stay completely away from the news as I have a dd with life limiting health issues and anything to do with child mortality I find incredibly difficult.

Mummadeze · 05/03/2022 22:08

Donate some money, find out a little to be informed and then avoid reading or watching anything about it as much as possible. That is my strategy. Don’t want to drive myself crazy or perpetually feel sad. I could definitely be like you if I let myself though.

Hibye23289 · 05/03/2022 22:18

@TiredSloth I seen this, gosh it was awful!! I can't believe they shown so much. Heartbreaking!