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[AllTheWeetabix]

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Tips on how to get a 5 year old to sleep in her own room again? Its becoming an issue and quite frankly need our own space. I understand making a child sleep alone isn’t for everyone but I think it’s time she went back in her own room now!

1. How do I begin ?
2. What do I do?!
3. What do I do if she keeps getting out of the bed?
4. What do I do if she wakes in the night?

Any advice is much appreciated, there’s a big reason why I want her back in her own bed so I appreciate any help x

1. Approach it in a positive way! So rather than 'You're too big to sleep with us anymore DD, we need our space. You'll have to sleep in your room now.' you say 'DD, now that you're 5 you're old enough to sleep in your own room! We're going to go shopping for some special bits and bobs and YOU can help us choose how to make it special for you!' (have a think about what sort of theme she'd like and try and source a couple of bits ahead of time. Needn't be too expensive, just random things like one of those 'princess' net curtain thingies, a couple of posters, a new cuddly of her favourite animal, a super soft snuggly throw etc. Let her choose some new bedding and a new nightlight. If it's the sort of room where you can move the furniture around at all, let her help decide where it all goes.

1. Establish a bedtime routine. Is she actually tired at bedtime? A lot of parents put their kids to bed earlier than necessary so they can have a nice evening together but it backfires because the children can't settle. 1/2 an hour in the nearest playground after school should help - get some waterproof overalls so it needn't be weather dependant. No screen time after tea, but a quiet wind-down activity like drawing or jigsaw puzzles instead. A long bath every night is a good plan too. Then jammies and a couple of stories in her own bed. Make it routine that she takes a sports bottle of water to bed so 'I'm thirsty' or 'I've spilled my drink' can't be excuses to call you back. If you find that bedtime is when it all comes out about her day and her worries (as is often the case) allow for that but gradually bringing bedtime forward until the 20 minutes of quiet talking-it-through with you is part of her routine and you aren't itching to get away.

1. If she gets out of bed, take her back. It doesn't need to be horrible and strict (in fact it shouldn't be!) but the first time say in your quiet time-for-bed voice 'Come on DD, it's time to sleep now', and gently lead her back, say night-night and give her a kiss. The second time, 'It's bedtime darling', and lead her back, the third time you just say 'Bedtime' and then any subsequent times don't say anything but just lead her back. She might get up 500 times the first night but just crack on with it and she'll get the message within the week! Don't tell her off or even let yourself get tense, just be calm and quiet and loving, but don't engage.

1. Same as 3! Go in if she's shouting, give her a kiss, give her her teddy, tell her night-night and tuck her up, the next time just 'It's bedtime darling' and tuck her up, then just a quiet 'Bedtime'. Some people swear by those audiobook box thingies children can use by themselves but remember anything like that will become a sleep prop that she might find it hard to drop later down the line.

Good luck! Remember the most important thing of all is consistency, and being kind but firm.

Where does she sleep now (in your bed, I assume?)? How does she go to bed currently?

We moved our three year old son out of our room (and bed) into his own room and now aged five it takes approximately 15 minutes for him to fall asleep with one of us sitting next to him listening to the free Sleepypaws story from Moshi via Spotify. He always spends the whole night in his room and usually has one wake up to be tucked back in. Occasionally he sleeps through (totally randomly, as far as we can tell). Currently he's having lots of either vibrant dreams or bad nightmares so the quick tuck back in can be quite long as he's either excited to tell you about his nice dream or terrified of the nightmare he just had. If he really doesn't settle then his dad goes and sleeps in there with him.

I understand that you need your own space but remember that while you (not unreasonably) want to be with (I presume) your partner, your daughter essentially wants the same thing. The Beyond Sleep Training Project on Facebook might be helpful for you if you'd like advice on how to make changes in a gentle way